TTC, Ovulating, & ... um... he can't "perform"

2010bv

My husband and I have been TTC with baby #1 for 3 months now.  I have been using a digital ovulation kit and yesterday was the smiley face we have been waiting for.  Or should I say that I have been waiting for?  I sent him a picture of the smiley face on the digital reader, I got all dressed in lingerie, lit all the candles, played soft music, and waited for DH to come home from work.  Well, he got home and saw me and made an earnest effort to do the baby making dance with me.  But, he couldn't stay erect and we finally gave up.  This lead to a fight because I thought (think) that there must be something on his mind that is making him not perform since this is a very rare problem for him.  The timing was terrible and I couldn't (can't) help but blame myself.  Maybe I should have never sent him a picture of the smiley face and made him feel like we had to do it immediately?  Anyway, he felt (feels) awful, too, but now it's too late.  Has this ever happened to anyone else before?  Was it resolved the next month or did it continue for awhile?

Kathy4678

I think it's happened to a lot of ladies here...

My suggestion- Keep him out of the science of it all. Just have sex with your husband! You know when all your business is happening so just jump him without telling him about when you are O'ing. Might help take the pressure off! GL to you!

Tomsbabyboo

I think many men can experience "performance anxiety". Sometimes the pressure of timing can get to them, so don't worry you are not alone. With that said, a positive OPK indicates that you may ovulate in the next 24-36, so don't count yourself out completely just yet. I would hump it out over the next couple of days (assuming you are both up for it) to cover your bases.

Some women choose not to let their partner know when they are ovulating to try to avoid performance issues. Maybe you could try not telling him about the +OPKs.

FYI-The only way to truly confirm if you ovulated is to chart your basal body temperature daily. If you are interested, click my ticker and sign up for Fertility Friend, the site will tell you everything you need to know. Good luck!

DCrider

I had that problem our first cycle. But if I keep him out of the loop until after I O it works out so much better. Sometimes he asks, but I just give him a generic answer about not knowing until after a temp rise.

I'd skip the text and just be waiting on the bed for him! I've done that for DH before and he loves it. Or just be up for really spontaneous sex, most men like that too. On the stairs? In the guest room (even that little deviation from the norm is exciting haha)?  REALLY????? YAY MR. DC!!! lol.

Babybear70

Kathy4678:

I think it's happened to a lot of ladies here...

My suggestion- Keep him out of the science of it all. Just have sex with your husband! You know when all your business is happening so just jump him without telling him about when you are O'ing. Might help take the pressure off! GL to you!

This exactly!!!

ShannonSky

It seems to depend on the guy...some men need to be told when they need to do their part and others just can't know or it messes with their heads. We're doing fertility tx, so obviously my DH knows when we are "trying" and when it's just for fun and he trucks through it when he has to. Doesn't make for good sex, but it gets the job done. Try not telling him next month...if you're still having problems, maybe he isn't really ready. GL!

Rvnsgrl81

Yes we are having a similar issue! Last cycle once I lurked on here and talked to ladies it seemed that we may have gotten lucky and timed things just right, but we were a few days off. When we tried to the BD the next few nights (tried four nights in a row) DH had performance anxiety and that was that. Now we are onto cycle #2. Tuesday night DH wanted to "try" I told him he had to promise to be able to go the distance this weekend (when I am supposed to O) he promised. He woke me up this morning and yup same problem as before.

I asked advice from the ladies and everyone was great telling me to keep him out of the science of it all and just surprise him even on days where it wouldn't make a difference just so he wouldn't know when the right time was. We are trying these things out this cycle and I am hoping it will work!

But trust me you are not alone by any means! GL!

MillerTime13

This has happened to a lot of us - you're not alone! The general consensus you will get around here is to not let him know when you are ovulating and just initiate sex frequently so he doesn't know it's "go" time. If this hasn't happened before, it's probably not a medical condition.Even if he doesn't realize it the pressure of TTC can affect him, so be patient and try not to get too upset. Dwelling on it will only make it worse! GL!

(Also, if you're only using the fertility monitor, you may also want to look into temping/charting. A lot of us use Fertility Friend - it's free and you can get to it by clicking on any of our tickers.)

WARM SUMMERS

Tomsbabyboo:

I think many men can experience "performance anxiety". Sometimes the pressure of timing can get to them, so don't worry you are not alone. With that said, a positive OPK indicates that you may ovulate in the next 24-36, so don't count yourself out completely just yet. I would hump it out over the next couple of days (assuming you are both up for it) to cover your bases.

Some women choose not to let their partner know when they are ovulating to try to avoid performance issues. Maybe you could try not telling him about the +OPKs.

FYI-The only way to truly confirm if you ovulated is to chart your basal body temperature daily. If you are interested, click my ticker and sign up for Fertility Friend, the site will tell you everything you need to know. Good luck!

This. I would also keep him in the dark about the +OPK. It puts way too much pressure on them causing them to not perform. That's happen to DH and I before. Just keep humping the next few days and you just might get your BFP this cycle. GL!

Ya Never Know

TTC puts a lot of pressure on DHs to perform, and sometimes we do too. Just let your DH know that it's okay, and try to keep the pressure off your DH by keeping him out of the ovulation loop. If he doesn't know when you're ovulating, he'll have no reason to have anxiety about it if that's the issue. As much as TTC sex can turn us as women on, it turns some (not all) guys off because all they can think about is how to not disappoint you now that sex has another purpose.

zoe_cat

Ugh, we've been having this problem and now we're onto cycle #5.  I'm sorry, I know how frustrating it is!  I've started to feel sad and resentful, but I try to keep it to myself because making DH feel even worse about it isn't going to help the situation.  I've been temping and using OPKs since June, but this cycle I'm not going to do anything and we're just going to "go with the flow."  I wish I had more advice, just know that it is common and you are not alone.  Good luck!