Anyone considering staying at home?

Happy2bmommie

So, I was laid off the end of September. A pretty crappy time for me. Since then, I've had two out of state offers, which I ended up declining. My husband is doing well at work, but doesn't make enough to support both of us. I'm waiting on hearing back from a couple of places, but in the meantime, while i hate being at home feeling purposeless (considering the little one isn't even here yet) I'm not ready to go back to work. The people i worked with the last two years were absolutely awful. They pretended to be friendly then gossiped about you, and about everyone. They backstabbed, lied and everything in between. I'm no angel, but I definitely couldn't protect myself in that environment, I feel very unready to go back and face a potentially negative environment yet again.. My question is this, who has stayed home during the first year with the baby? How did you make it work? Did you do anything part-time, worked from home, freelanced? How did you get that started? Thanks and sorry for the long post. I'm just having anxiety thinking about what's next.

CutieBean79

I will be staying at home and doing some vendor work sporadically.  Up until a couple months ago, we wouldn't have been able to swing it financially and I was just going to have to suck it up and continue working.  My husband recently got an unexpected promotion so our situation has changed. 

mirdamae03

If I could stay home, I would. No doubt about it. Have you looked into seasonal/part time work?

kcisthebombdotcom

Happy2bMommie:

So, I was laid off the end of September. A pretty crappy time for me. Since then, I've had two out of state offers, which I ended up declining. My husband is doing well at work, but doesn't make enough to support both of us. I'm waiting on hearing back from a couple of places, but in the meantime, while i hate being at home feeling purposeless (considering the little one isn't even here yet) I'm not ready to go back to work. The people i worked with the last two years were absolutely awful. They pretended to be friendly then gossiped about you, and about everyone. They backstabbed, lied and everything in between. I'm no angel, but I definitely couldn't protect myself in that environment, I feel very unready to go back and face a potentially negative environment yet again.. My question is this, who has stayed home during the first year with the baby? How did you make it work? Did you do anything part-time, worked from home, freelanced? How did you get that started? Thanks and sorry for the long post. I'm just having anxiety thinking about what's next.

I'm confused by your post. If your DH doesn't make enough to support both of you, how are you going to be able to afford to SAH? Once you have a child, the expenses are going to go up dramatically so if you can't manage it now, you aren't going to be able to manage it after baby is here either.

I am not working full time until LO #2 is in school full-time, but we are able to afford our lifestyle comfortably on DH's income alone.

Erin0922

I quit my job when I was pregnant with Bug (bartending, and I just couldn't lug around full kegs and trays full of dishes and drinks after awhile).

I picked up a job working at a busy local restaurant Friday and Saturday nights - my sole job was to answer the phone, take reservations, and answer questions. It paid pretty good considering ($12/hr) and I worked about 18 hours a weekend. Not enough to pay rent, haha, but enough to make me feel like I was contributing. I also had the options to pick up shifts for all the high school girls who were hosts, when they had school dances, etc. ?So I could really more or less work as much or as little as I wanted.

It worked out great for me. Right now I am full-time SAHM though!

iris427

I've stayed at home since my daughter was born.  We live mainly off my husband's income, although I do a little bit of freelancing here and there.  I do the freelancing through someone I know personally, so I didn't have to go out and look for it.

I have mixed feelings about SAH and I think I would like to work part time after this baby is born.  I find SAH to be really isolating and not a good fit for me.  Some people love it and some people don't.  

GL. 

Happy2bmommie

I obviously wouldn't SAH if we can't afford it. I'm just looking into other people's stories and see what they've done. I'm bilingual and have done freelance translation/interpretation work, which pays well but is sporadic, so if I do end up choosing to SAH it would be after I secure enough gigs a month to help with the bills. My question was, for those who chose to stay at home, how did they do it. Because I'd really like to do so as I don't want to leave the baby in daycare, and I'm not ready to go back to work at this point, I feel. But if they called me today and said "OK, here's a job," I'm not saying no to that.

Happy2bmommie

I am. I would love a good fit where I'm able to stay at home, and still work. 

locash

My husband is not comfortable with me staying at home, even though we could afford it. So I'm going back to work and hoping to work 2 days a week from home.

But I want to add that I worked in a pretty poisonous environment, much like you described. Not all companies/jobs are like that. I would keep looking for work if I were you, even if it's just part time. Sounds like you won't be able to live comfortably off the one salary. GL.

kcisthebombdotcom

Happy2bMommie:

I obviously wouldn't SAH if we can't afford it. I'm just looking into other people's stories and see what they've done. I'm bilingual and have done freelance translation/interpretation work, which pays well but is sporadic, so if I do end up choosing to SAH it would be after I secure enough gigs a month to help with the bills. My question was, for those who chose to stay at home, how did they do it. Because I'd really like to do so as I don't want to leave the baby in daycare, and I'm not ready to go back to work at this point, I feel. But if they called me today and said "OK, here's a job," I'm not saying no to that.

I'm confused what you mean "how do they do it". Do you mean financially? Are you looking for tips to make the finances work?

daniellepanda

Are you collecting unemployment right now? I have a couple friends who are sahm.

One has a 2 year old  and stopped working 2 weeks after she came back from maternity leave. However the only way she was able to afford it is because she got a bunch of money inherited from her mom passing away that same month,so that held them over for the first year. And after that her husband has to do freelance work on the side in addition to his ft job so that she is able to stay at home.

The 2nd one is currently pregnant with her first baby, and was laid off from her job a few months ago. She will have unemployment checks coming in until shortly after the baby is born and then it is only her husbands income. She plans on being able to be a sahm but her husband does not make alot of money. I am not quite sure how they are going to swing that, especially where we live in San Diego where the cost of living is really high. But they also live in a 1 bedroom apt as well so I  guess you just have to make some sacrifices and each situation is unique and some people just make it work if they want it that badly.

I would love to be able to afford to be a sahm for the first 2 years or so, but I am not willing to lower our quality of living for ourselves, and I don't think it would be fair to our baby either.  If both of us working means he has to go to daycare a few days a week, which is kinda sucky, oh well if it means we never have to worry about paying bills, diapers, food, not having health insurance, or having to move to a smaller place. Honestly I think sometimes it sounds more appealing then I would actually like it in the end. I think after a while I would crave adult interaction and getting out of the house.

ManiacMcGee

We are "making it work" by banking my income now and changing some of our habits. But my husband makes a comfortable enough salary to support us. 

kabarbanel

I quit work 4 months before DS was born, and have stayed home since. I will be SAH with this baby as well. Luckily DH has a good enough job for us to be able to live off one income. I personally LOVE being a SAHM. Do I want a break from DS by the time DH gets home? Absolutely! But I love it in general. I am not one to sit in the house all day, so DS and I have plans every day(either play dates, My Gym, or hanging out with my mom). If we don't have plans with others, we go to the park or the store, just to get out of the house and get some social interaction.

Quesera

I am staying home for the next year on mat leave and then will reassess after that. I'm not sure it will be a good fit for me or not so I'm open to whatever happens. If I choose to stay home we will be able to afford it but the trade off is DH is on the out of town more so there's a lot to think about. 

mrswright2006

For us, me staying at home was a huge adjustment, financially.  We are on a strict budget.  I had to cut my grocery bill in half (which means less pre-packaged items, and more cooking from scratch), we rarely eat out - usually once or twice a month we go out for fast food, we dropped our cable package to the bare minimum, moved into a cheaper home, and don't travel. 

Last year I picked up a job helping my dad.  He is a farmer, and he provides lunch for his hired men during week days.  I cook meals in exchange for free meat (beef), heat in the winter, and $100 per month, which I usually cash out a few times a year - normally Christmas, and in March (lots of birthdays in March). 

I am also a photographer, but I do most of my work for free, because I am just starting out, but I hope someday I will be able to afford to go into business for myself. 

Bexx24

Yeah, I'm staying home. I've worked in child care for the past 8 years, and while I know that it's something that some people just have to do...I swore I wouldn't put my kid in daycare. I'm sorry, I've seen too much. So since we can swing it, we're gonna make it happen. I'm looking at some cost-saving ideas though. We've been doing some seriously strict budgetting (going through Dave Ramsey's FPU course right now) and cutting things that we just don't need, like cable. Staying home is more important to me than silly things like that.

PeacheeKeen

DH is a SAHD right now because I received a promotion about 8 months ago and it is working out ok for us.  We have really had to change our spending habits (eating in every night) and cutting back on pretty much everything.  It's been a large adjustment for us but I am happy that we are doing it.  He does freelance work as a graphic designer but it's not steady by any means.

etude de la vie

How do you do it? 

Well, we live in a HCOL (high cost of living) area and even though DH makes a lot of money everything is very expensive and we are on a budget. 

Daycare is our area is $1200-1500 per child so realistically my work in academia would not be worth the high cost to put her in day care even part time. DH and I also agreed that we wanted one of us to SAH until our youngest child was in school full-time. 

I will admit, SAH is not as great as it may seem. "The grass is always greener" but honestly it has been very difficult. I feel very lucky to be home and not need to work but it is very isolating, very loooonng hours, you never have any time to yourself, and very demanding. I wish sometimes I could have an adult conversation, go grocery shopping without needing to plan around naps/eating/cranky times, and feel like all my hard work going to grad school and research didn't result in my brain turning to mush and singing "elmo's song" 100x a day. The moments I get with DD are magical and I wouldn't someone else (daycare provider) to experience those things in replace of me, but don't think this job is puppies and rainbows all the time. 

Oh, and what the pp said about expenses is SO true. I bfed and we still spent almost $300 a month on DD between diapers, wipes, baby food, and other stuff.  Once she went on formula that cost has gone WAY up...

DH told me the other day with everything (health care, diapers, clothing...) DD costs $600 a month!  

  

lolah08

We were very blessed to be able to let me stay at home.

So I did, and had a MASS amount of guilt about it for the first 3 months thinking I was less of a woman, mother, provider, etc for doing so...

But then the guilt passed and I stayed at home for 2 years with my first, fell pregnant and plan to do the same for my second.

I adore it, however around the 16 month mark, I did enroll my daughter into school for 2 half days a wekk, so I could have some free me time to do yoga, coffee, manicure, pedicure, stare at the wall, study, read, etc.

I may work from home part time with this one after about 9 months or maybe sooner - or do some schooling. 

 Baby - toddler brain does set in, and honestly sometimes your children are not the most exciting or stimulationg creatures.  My daughter and I spent alot of time at parks, museums, zoos, farmers markets, day trips around our area, coffee, things to get us OUT of the house (mostly free).

But if you can do it, and you want to, I say go for it, I have not regretted it for a SECOND!

Even on one income!

Happy2bmommie

Thanks guys! I appreciate you sharing your stories. I got called in today for another interview for this job I applied for. So I'm going to halt the thought on this till I hear back. If I'm offered the job I'm going to snatch it, considering I didn't apply for unemployment and didn't get a severance. So, we need the money. The whole day-care thing bothers me and is super expensive in our area. But as many of you pointed out, there are many factors to consider, cost of child care at home and day care, income, moving (we'll probably end up moving at some point to a two-bedroom) and so on. Good luck to all of you and thanks for your advice. It's been very helpful.