Blended Families

f/u to insurance. its a big black hole i think!

i called the child support office and verified that we could have the insurance taken off the c/o if BM agreed. they said as long as they both agreed then they just needed to come in to the office and sign a statement to have it removed from the c/o.

well DH talked to BM and she was just fine with this. she said they could go have it removed and she would cover the insuarnce for SD.

then she started crying on the phone with DH because she said she just cant afford everything on her own anymore and blah blah blah. in reality i think the problem is that now that me and DH are married and expecting she is starting to understand that there is no chance for them so she feels lonely. well she proceeds to tell DH that she is all by herself taking care of/ paying for SD and he has me and my income so he doesnt understand. yes i understand that another income is nice but there are 2 of us and 4 kids and there is 1 of her and 1 kid? i think its pretty fair to say we understand the struggle.

well she proceeds to say that we are only paying her -such-n-such- amount and its just not enough. well the number she is saying just doesnt make sense because we are paying more. the money is taken right out of DH's check every other week. well we go back and look at his check stub and sure enough we are paying less than we always thought we were. so me and DH offer to pay her more (the same amount we pay for sd#1) and this seems to make her happy. or so we thought.

well yesterday DH called her to make plans to pick up SD this weekend and she then tells us that her insurance is going up next month also and if we want to be "fair" about it then we can just pay her for the amount for SD on her insurance which is twice as much as the extra amount we agreed to pay.

DH says he doesnt feel right asking her to show proof of how much it is for SD on her policy because he feels like it would only piss her off and make it worse. but i dont trust her to just pay her the money either.

i feel like we are stuck in between a rock and a hard place. let me also remind you that she was not even using the insurance we provided and hasnt for the last 4 yrs. she claims that no one takes the insurance (its BCBS. everyone takes that crap) so she just covered the insuarnce and has never said ANYTHING about us helping with that cost until now. so she has recieved the cs we pay her and paid for the insuarnce her self but now she thinks we need to be "fair" and cover the cost?? wtf??

in reality we should probably get a re-evaluation on the order since both incomes have since changed. BM is making ALOT more money and Dh has also got a new job making more money. but i feel like it will be a BIG hassle to do it and probably take a long time.

i guess my question is what do you suggest?

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Re: f/u to insurance. its a big black hole i think!

  • We went through something very similar with BM and in the end the best thing to do was to have the CS reevaluated.  She kept asking for more and more money until it got to the point where she wanted most of his check each week, and she was threatening to withhold visitation of DD until she got what she wanted.  They had an open custody agreement at that time so she had say over when he got to see DD.  He has since gone back to court and he now has a set custody schedule and CS had been modified to reflect current circumstances.  Depending on where you are having CS reevaluated doesn't take that long as long as both parents have there financial information together and don't need to search all over for it.  Our biggest hassle was she kept dragging her feel because she didn't want it reevaluated because she thought she was going to get less than what she was currently getting. 
  • This seems to be getting pretty messy, and I sounds like it's time to have it reevaluated. Everyone will have to show proof of income and cost of insurance, and no one will be left wondering or feeling guilty.
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  • image hterry85:
    This seems to be getting pretty messy, and I sounds like it's time to have it reevaluated. Everyone will have to show proof of income and cost of insurance, and no one will be left wondering or feeling guilty.

    I agree.

    ~Amy
  • image hterry85:
    This seems to be getting pretty messy, and I sounds like it's time to have it reevaluated. Everyone will have to show proof of income and cost of insurance, and no one will be left wondering or feeling guilty.
    i agree and think that this is prob gonna be the best way to go. lets just hope i can talk DH in to it!
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  • On the health insurance (HI) end, why are you taking your SD off again? 

    Outside of the fact that the decision to NOT use the HI is all on BM (therefore you do not have to make any changes), the amount for family vs individual does not change with the number of people covered. 

    So who is covering the other three kids and you?  Because even if your other kids are covered by someone else, two individual accounts (for you and him) are pretty darn close to a family plan.

    At the very least, if his family plan is that outrageous, you can request that SD is allowed to be covered under your plan.  And if BM has an issue about this, then remind her that SD IS covered by HC and no one is twisting her arm to go someplace else. 

    I WOULD NOT GIVE HER MONEY, not when she has perfectly good health care insurance that she is choosing to not use. 

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  • sry i explained it all in the first post but just to catch you up..

    DH has a policy that covers him and SD#2, my company will not allow me to cover SK's so im on my own poilcy with my company because the insurance is ALOT better and ALOT cheeper.

    DS is covered by his dad and SD#1 is covered by her mom.

    DH's policy is gonna triple starting in november. just to cover the 2 of them. if he takes SD#2 off then it will be the same to just cover him as it has been to cover the two of them for the last 4 years. SD#2 is also covered by her mother who refuses to use the insurance we provide and are required to cover by c/o! we cannot afford the insuarnce once it goes up next month so we are trying to work it out with her to drop it and let her keep covering SD on hers as she was.

    did all that make sense?

     

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  • image TG508:

    sry i explained it all in the first post but just to catch you up..

    DH has a policy that covers him and SD#2, my company will not allow me to cover SK's so im on my own poilcy with my company because the insurance is ALOT better and ALOT cheeper.

    DS is covered by his dad and SD#1 is covered by her mom.

    DH's policy is gonna triple starting in november. just to cover the 2 of them. if he takes SD#2 off then it will be the same to just cover him as it has been to cover the two of them for the last 4 years. SD#2 is also covered by her mother who refuses to use the insurance we provide and are required to cover by c/o! we cannot afford the insuarnce once it goes up next month so we are trying to work it out with her to drop it and let her keep covering SD on hers as she was.

    did all that make sense?

     

    This makes perfect sense to me, you and probably everyone else...but it looks like it has become leverage for BM. I think you're going to have to go back to court and hammer it out there.

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