Baptism WWYD

Amberzxoxo

Originally I thought we would do the baptism and have people back to our place for appys and such and do more of a after church get together. DD and I wanted to pay for it. Only a few hundred dollars. Not a big deal. Inlaws were like OH NO thats not the way we do things and all of a sudden it got huge. We are talking renting out a resturant and inviting like 80 ppl and 10 would be my family. I told her we could not afford such a big party. They told me not to worry about it. DD is going to get jewlery and money for her baptism, it goes without saying its the culture. MIL even wanted to do it on a Saturday I was like  No huge liquor bill, again told don`t worry about it.

DH and I were under the impression that if MIL and FIL are paying for it because they want things a certin way and are doing all the planning and kept telling us not to worry about the money. Well I just found out how it is getting paid for. The envelopes that DD will be getting are expected to be used to pay for the baptism. That is not cool with me. They will not be addressed to us, they are for her. They are her gifts, therfore should go to her. I keep telling MIL that is not how we are paying for it. DH and I are not going into debt to throw a party either. She told me thats how everyone pays for them and I said the party had to be done that way.

I rather build a nest egg for DD furture, MIL tells me you make due when it comes to them going to college etc... Um no its called planning.

So how the hell do I scale this back now because people are under the impression that we are doing a resturant thing. I want to go back to my idea that DH and I pay for and DD keeps all of her gifts. It is my biggest pet peeve that parents spend kids money when they are to young to notice.

I could care less what family thinks and if they judge the way I do her baptism, but DH and his side have certin expectations.

 

lauren_mpenny

Do it the way you want, regardless of what people are expecting.

If you can't afford it, don't do it. If everyone wants to have a big, extravagant party for your LO, they can pay for it! It shouldn't be put on you and it certainly shouldn't be taken from the gifts people send the baby... that's borderline stealing in my eyes...

KellyD01

You tell IL's that this is not what  YOU want for YOUR daughter! Period end of discussion. Our son got a much bigger party then our twins, simply because we had more money then! It was nicer weather and we could do a picnic at a park and make the food and it wasn't an astronomical cost. The girls got a super fancy luncheon at a restaurant w/ only 20 people (all close family) that my aunts paid for. That was one of their gifts to DD's. (If we'd been paying people would have gotten cake and iced tea! LOL

(as for money we accept money for DC's one of 2 ways. Cash to them goes towards things for them. Cash to them marked for college goes into their college accounts. My family usually gives some for both purposes and therefor we can feel ok spending money given to them on things for them. AND  at the same time they have college savings building.) You might suggest something like that. I have even given deposit slips to their college savings accounts directly to trusted relatives, that way they're free to make whatever monetary deposits they want... which saves me from the who gave more games my aunts like to play...

Valerie120408

If people haven't officially been invited yet, do what you originally planned. You don't need to meet people's expectations and I certainly wouldn't when it comes to taking your LO's money. Your DH and you should talk to your ILs again and explain what you told us so at least they don't invite a bunch of people.

Amberzxoxo

I just read over my own post and thought why is this even a problem, she is my child. We will do it our way and it not give it another thought. Her money will go to her.

stephanieroyer

Your MIL sounds like a real peice of work. They way she was talking would have also given me the impression she was footing the bill. In no way would it be alright to spend your DD money on this "party" MIL wants you to throw. Tell her if she wants that party, she can pay..end of story.

MelH926

We just had DD's Baptism yesterday.  If our house was big enough we would have definitely had people at our house afterwards.  My family is just too big.  We had it at the same restaurant we had my 1st daughter's party.  We are in a different situation financially this time around (as is everyone) so we didn't invite as many people, and really just kept it to family and close friends.  To be honest, between inviting less people and the economy in general...  the financial gifts were significantly less than DD#1's (I'm not complaining) So if you can't afford the party, you can't necessarily depend on the gifts... not to mention, like you said, those gifts are for your LO.  We do the same thing and put that money into an account.  I would tell her that you just don't feel comfortable doing that, and have the party your way.  Not to be rude, but it's really not up to her.  Tell her if she wants a big party she can pay for it out of her wallet!