May 2011 Moms

Confused- Safe at 12 or 14 wks?

Good morning ladies,

I was reading one of my books today and I realized that we are not out of our first trimester until week 14. I was always under the impression that 12 weeks was the big benchmark in a pregnancy. So my question is, do most people wait until 12 or 14 weeks to tell that they are pregnant. We have told my close friends and family, but I am waiting to tell coworkers and randoms. What are you doing? Have a great weekend. Big Smile

Re: Confused- Safe at 12 or 14 wks?

  • We are telling after our first US, which for us will be at 11.5 weeks.
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  • I teach and conferences are in my 12th week.  I'm telling all the parents of my students at conferences because it's a great opportunity and I'm comfortable with the timing even though the trimester's not completely over yet. 

    I wonder if the first trimester thing is wisdom from our parents' day.  Now that we have ultrasounds to see the heartbeat and better medical care, I would guess that the risk goes down before the beginning of week 14.

    I read an article on the bump by an OB that said the risk of m/c goes down to 3% after seeing the heartbeat and then down to 1% at a healthy 16 wk appt.  So we're telling this week - just saw the heartbeat yesterday.  From 3% to 1% doesn't seem like a huge difference to me.

    PLUS, if you're at 12 weeks and you're waiting for 14 weeks, it will be the longest 2 weeks if you're anything like impatient me!   I'm interested to see how others weigh in on your quest.
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  • We plan to tell more people after our next appt at 11 weeks.  Probably won't put it out on Facebook until 14.
  • At my ultrasound on Thursday at 11 weeks, the doctor said that the risk is very low now and we were fine to share the news. I'm still nervous of course, but it seems like the right time to tell now. 

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  • We were told the risk of 1st tri MC decreases significantly after 8 weeks with no spotting and once you see the 1st hb. It's a personal choice - but anything can go wrong at any point - if you've made to this point and have a hb you're probably in good shape.
  • At my 8 week ultrasound my doc told me that our risk for m/c went down to about 7% (I also thought it was more like 3%) which she said was as low as it will ever be in my pregnancy, so I could tell whomever I want. She said waiting until the second trimester will make no different in risk, except every day is one more during which nothing went wrong.

    I am still not telling my students (11th grade) or most of my coworkers until we are closer, hopefully after winter break if I am not showing, but at least after Thanksgiving break. However, I work in an urban district and am not friends with anyone who is connected to my school, so I can tell friends and family and it won't get back to my school. 

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  • We told some of our friends after we heard the heartbeat. I also told my co-workers because I was tired of pretending like I was feeling normal when I wanted to puke all day. We're going to wait to announce it of Facebook after our second appointment at 13 weeks.

    I don't think there's really ever a "safe" time. I know after hitting the second trimester mark I'm still going to worry -- I figure worrying is just one of the joys of motherhood.

  • I have already told most people. My ob told me the risk after you hear the hb drops to 5-10% and then after the 1st tri it drops to less than 5%. I am conisidering the end of my 12 th week to be the end of the 1st tri.
  • imageSarahK06:

    I don't think there's really ever a "safe" time. I know after hitting the second trimester mark I'm still going to worry -- I figure worrying is just one of the joys of motherhood.

    Unfortunately, there really isn't and I experienced this first hand. The MC/PL board is filled with a lot of us who experienced losses at a point that we could have been considered "out of the woods." In my case, I had an us at 6 weeks and NT scan at 11 weeks, to discover at 15+ weeks that the baby stopped growing somewhere in the 12th week. As a result, I'm being extremely cautious this time. Most of my friends and family know, but I'm not broadcasting it (FB) until probably after my big US. It'll probably be way more visibly apparent to people before them, heck, it is now, but I'm just too paranoid.

    To the OP-it's really a matter of personal choice-between you, your family and based on what you've discussed with your healthcare provider.  

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  • imageLHC10:
    We plan to tell more people after our next appt at 11 weeks.  Probably won't put it out on Facebook until 14.


    This is what we're doing. We're widening our circle of trust to our true friends after getting to listen to the heartbeat at 11wks, and allowing our parents to tell their closest friends. We've already had an u/s at 7 wks, but we wanted to make sure things were still ok. We'll go FB official after 14weeks, and freely tell people. My mom has been very good when people ask how we are, not telling that we're expecting. 

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  • imageMrs.Saxy:
    everyone knew since week 7.

    This. I couldn't keep it to myself and most of the people i told right away will be the people I need for support if something should happen.  

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  • i'm so glad you asked this question because i have been wondering the same thing.  i agree with khloesmom that there really is no "safe" month and ideally i'd love to wait as long as possible, but i just don't think i can wait longer than 12-13 weeks.  i figure after our NT scan and doc appointment at 12 weeks, we will tell extended family and friends (we told immediate family and a few close friends after the heartbeat around 8 wks).  however, i don't plan to make any announcements on facebook... maybe i will be more open about it around the 20 week mark.

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  • A lot of our friends and family know already, but I stopped telling people a week ago because my brother got engaged and I want to give him some glory too.  I'll probably start telling people again in a few days, and then i'll post on FB once we have an ultrasound pic at 18 weeks.
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  • Tell whenever you are comfortable telling!  We told as soon as we got a BFP with DS.  Due to his health issues and a chemical pg in June, we wanted to wait to make sure everything was okay with this pregnancy.  We had our first ultrasound on Wednesday and they found a cyst so we are waiting until we know more about that.  We are also 3 hours away from home with our DS who is recovering from surgery, and we won't be home until I am 12-13 weeks along.  Our plan is to put DS in a shirt that says "I'm the Big Brother" and take him around and see how long it takes for people to figure it out.  My parents and sister and our close friends know.  DH's family is in the dark (which is a good thing!)

     Ultimatly, tell when you and your DH are ready to tell! Congrats!

    and the greatest of these is love......2/10/07 David Noah joined us 08/08/09 Proud BE mommy! Colbie Faith joined us 05/20/11!
  • We had our first ultrasound yday and are telling people now.
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  • We already told everyone. We just felt there really was no "safe" time, and any number 12 weeks, or 14, whatever, really wasn't going to make a difference. We believe in God and his will, and if he wants us to have this baby then it doesn't matter when we tell, and if he doesn't it still wont matter. This is our first and were super excited. Not to mention DH is in Afghanistan, and sharing this with his buddies over there was huge for him and gives him something else positive to look forward to. 
  • Great feedback guys, thanks!
  • I am waiting until after my NT scan at 13 wks. I had a m/c at 13 wks  and found out at the NT scan that my baby's heart had stopped beating so for me I will feel much better after this ultrasound. However, I already have a belly and am already getting asked if I am pregnant. We have told close family and friends.
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  • I told my parents and sister at like 6wks.  After my bloodwork came back that the pg was viable.  Then at about 8 weeks I told further family.  I'm waiting to see/hear the HB one more time at my 12wk appointment before I really announce to the random people like on FB that I semi-keep in touch with.

     My coworkers knew about 8 weeks and my students found out about 10 weeks.  It's hard to hid and they were so excited I wanted to share!

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