BM meeting

mom2dp

So DH and I met with our prospective BM.  The meeting went fairly well, but for some reason we still don't feel "connected".  I don't know if it's instinct or if we're just putting our guards up.  With DS's BM we just knew there wasn't going to be any issues.  With this one, we're questionable about it.  The BM has a new boyfriend that says they can parent the child together.  I think that she's pretty naive in thinking that it's going to be easy enough for her. With that being said, I think she could have a change of heart at any time.  I guess I'm worried that I'm going to be too attached to the idea, or not attached enough.  It's going to be a long waiting period if we do end up bringing the baby home with us.  She has also decided to name the baby. We were very blessed that our DS's BM chose to use the name we picked on the original birth certificate.  My concern is how he will feel in the future with us changing his name, and also explaining to our other DS that his BM didn't choose a special name for him. Am I completely over thinking this? We were also fortunate enough to have DS in a private room with us for his whole hospital stay. The new BM wants to share time with him.  I know that we are fortunate enough that she will even let us have him for a bit in the hospital, but it just worries me that she might get too attached.  Thus another reason for her to change her mind.  We are very cautiously proceeding.  Her due date is the 31st but the doctor doesn't think she'll make it that long.  We could be called any day now!  Any thoughts, questions, concerns. 

Art Teacher

I can understand why you are feeling the way you are feeling.  I guess it's good, though, that she was honest with you about her and her boyfriend still considering parenting - at least you know it's a possibility. Not that it makes it easier, but I guess I would want someone to be honest with me. 

As far as everything else goes, we had a longer waiting period - 30 days.  But it could have been up to 3 months.  We were SO busy taking care of dd during that time, that it flew by. 

 We chose a name for dd but her birthmom chose one as well.  That was the name on her birth certificate.  We didn't know she had picked out a name until the day she was born.  When we had talked about names, she had asked us what we liked and we were under the impression that she would name her that.  It's her right, though, to name the baby any name she wanted.  That day we considered keeping her birth name, but we both really loved the name we had chosen.  After a lot of talk, we decided to go with the name we chose.  We're not sure how dd will feel about it, but we'll talk about it with her when she's older and let her know our reasons.  (We do think her adoptive name is pretty, too; it just wasn't what we had been imagining.  We did keep the same middle name - it's her birthmom's middle name.)

We did not have a private room with dd at the hospital.  DD stayed in the nursery and part of the time with her birthmom in her room.  We were allowed to visit in the nursery and spent about 4 hours with her there.  The rest of the time we were in a hotel room.  I think if the expectant mom wants to have the baby there, she should.  I just think that for some birthmoms it might be too hard but for others, it's time that they want to spend with their child.  Putting myself in our dd's birthmom's shoes, I can understand her wanting to spend as much time with her as she could before she went home with us.  We were also fortunate enough to get to see our dd's birthmom while she was holding dd and then we got to talk to dd's birthgrandmother as well.  It was VERY emotional but I'm so glad we had that time.  Her birthgrandmother had said she was so happy that dd would be with us but was just having such hard time dealing with everything.

I do understand how you're feeling.  Take it one step at a time.  Can you talk to the birthmom over the next week or two?  Just to call and check up on her and make sure she knows you're thinking of her? 

Please keep us posted.  

 

sh4602

i would take it one step at a time and one day at time. we  had a wonderful BM who did alot of things your first BM did. she put the name we chose on the BC (even  our last name)  we had room in the hospital to care for DS. i dont think we could adopt again and have the same situation happen.  no two situations are the same. good luck with everything.

AdoptiveMommy

sh4602:

i would take it one step at a time and one day at time. we  had a wonderful BM who did alot of things your first BM did. she put the name we chose on the BC (even  our last name)  we had room in the hospital to care for DS. i dont think we could adopt again and have the same situation happen.  no two situations are the same. good luck with everything.

 I agree! Our situation was similar to what your current situation is... I thought that she was going to change her mind... and she did back and forth for about 2 days. but we stayed faithful in the Lord that his will would be done... We were blessed to bring our son home at 2 days old   Good Luck and God Bless you! I will be praying that all goes well... in the end   It's the bumps in the road that make it memorable!!!