I think MIL got it! (long)

Laruen

I know that I sometime vent about my MIL doing crazy things. But the truth is I love her and I know that she means well. It's just that she can't seem to understand that there is more than one way of doing things.

She NEVER made DH clean the house or really pick up after him self when he was a kid. So now that it he's older he doesn't get it. It takes him 2 hrs to do the dishes, he dosen't understand how to really clean at all. After MIL came over one day and saw that the house was a big mess that he made she called me to say that she was sorry and that anytime I needed help cleaning she would come over to help. Nice but not alway helpful.

When DH and I moved into our new house 6m ago I wasn't sure where I wanted to hang pictures. Well she came in a did it for me, and ended up putting them in all the wrong places and used the wrong nails. So now I have really big holes in my new walls. We had to gut the house and re-build it before we could move in. I also had 6 wine glass on my counter top that I want my friends to us and break becasue I only have 6 of them left and don't really care about them. I don't want them touching the set of 12 that I have because it's a full set and I would like it to stay that way for a little while more.

Well MIL didn't like the wine glasses on the counter top and moved them to a top cabinet and placed them behind some tiki glasses we have. So you couldn't see them or reach them at all. I use to top of all the cabinets to display stuff. It's really unsable space for me.

So Tuesday night I came home from work after having a bad day and was really mad that MIL just comes in and moves stuff around in my house where she thinks it should go. So I moved everything back to where I had it. I took some of the pictures off the wall and placed them where I want DH to hang them.

DH comes home from work and looks around the house and tells me "you know she is just going to move everything back to where she put it." I looked at him and said "thats fine I will just put it back to where we want it, maybe she will get it and if she doesn't the next time she is out of town I will go and move everything in her office and put it where I think it should go" This put DH in a really good mood and told me I should just "do it".

So to end my long story MIL came over to help DH clean the house yesterday and she DIDN'T move anything back to where she thought it should go. I think that she might just might be getting it. I am not going to get my hopes up to high. But after spending the day at work worry about her coming over the day before our baby shower/ house warming party and moving everything in my house I kind of feel like I don't have to worry about that.

I do love her and know that she is trying to help, and hope that she is learning to respect our space.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Friday

MichelleL1118

I hope she is getting it... but this sounds like a DH problem as much as a MIL problem.  If she moves things around on you again, you need to have your DH tell her, firmly, that although you both know she was trying to help, that she needs to respect the space, and assume that you've put things in particular locations for specific reasons - and ASK before she rearranges things.

larrysdarling

Sooooo let me get this straight.

She never taught him to clean. So she comes over to clean. You don't like how she cleans when she comes over on her own time and cleans for free. But you haven't told her you don't like how she does it - you just put everything back where you want it and pray she notices.

How 'bout this - why doesn't someone finally teach your husband (and soon to be parent) how to clean and stop having your MIL come into your house to do it?!

OR have a conversation with the free cleaning person/MIL and ask her to stop moving your crap.

RedZee

larrysdarling:

Sooooo let me get this straight.

She never taught him to clean. So she comes over to clean. You don't like how she cleans when she comes over on her own time and cleans for free. But you haven't told her you don't like how she does it - you just put everything back where you want it and pray she notices.

How 'bout this - why doesn't someone finally teach your husband (and soon to be parent) how to clean and stop having your MIL come into your house to do it?!

OR have a conversation with the free cleaning person/MIL and ask her to stop moving your crap.

I agree with this.

I don't think your MIL was trying to be pushy and do things her way or was not respecting your space. It sounds like she was putting things in places that she thought made sense and that she was really trying to help you. FWIW, the cleaning lady that we pay does this all the time. Also, my MIL would NEVER take any accountability for any faults in her children and would certainly not come over and help me clean my house. It really sounds like her intentions were good.

Also, I think it might be in your best interest to teach your husband how to clean. My dad never had much responsibility around the house and it's STILL a source of contention for my parents.

Laruen

larrysdarling:

Sooooo let me get this straight.

She never taught him to clean. So she comes over to clean. You don't like how she cleans when she comes over on her own time and cleans for free. But you haven't told her you don't like how she does it - you just put everything back where you want it and pray she notices.

How 'bout this - why doesn't someone finally teach your husband (and soon to be parent) how to clean and stop having your MIL come into your house to do it?!

OR have a conversation with the free cleaning person/MIL and ask her to stop moving your crap.

DH is learning how to clean. I would talk to MIL about it. However part of it is that I am anial about the way that I liked things cleaned. Also I feel that becasue she is doing this out of the kindness of her heart I don't really have a place to say anything. She also has a hard time remebering things and understand things and has had a problem with it from having lots of chemotherapy due breast cancer. She really was a different person before.

I don't really want to get into a fight with MIL about something that she is doing to be nice just becasue I am having problems with it. We all clean our house differently and so I know to her she think it's helpful. I do think that DH said something to her. But I don't want to bug him about it becasue it is his mother and he/we can't change the way she is, just like she can't change the way we are.

The point of my post was that I feel like we are starting to get an understanding about space. And that I do love her and am greatful for everything she does do for us, even if it isn't the way I would do it.

larrysdarling

If the help is free, I don't know that you can dictate how it's done no matter how 'anial' you are.

It sounds like you can either

1. accept it the way it is and have to loosen your expectations about the free cleaning lady who has bad memory due to cancer or

2. get a new cleaning person who you can tell specifically how you want things. This might be your husband, who is an adult and an expectant parent and should be cleaning his own house anyway, or it could be a hired cleaning service.

Your MIL's memory issue may make the space issue fine this week and not fine the next. You're just going to figure out if you can live with that or not.