Does your 3- 3.5 year old play independently?

MelissaMc22

I am a little worried about my DS 1. He is 3 years, 3 months and to be honest, I am going nuts.

He simply will not play by himself at all. We have lots of toys, (but not too many, I actually rotate them) but he doesn't play with any of them. His form of "play" is more pulling all the couch cushions off, running around in circles, pretending to find pirates, etc. I realize this is great imaginative play, but he cannot/ will not sit down and work a puzzle, build something with blocks, (instead he just throws them around teh room or pretends they are pirate money)

I  SAH so I am with him constantly, I try to start activities with him and slowly leave, I have been doing this for months. It never works. Two minutes later, He ends up hanging at my feet literally spinning in circles instead. I have all kinds of cool activities but he just cannot play alone. When asked about it, he says he "can't" .

This makes for such a long day. I also have a 13 month old, who requires my attention, so I feel frustrated and can't egt anything done around the house. (not that I expect to get much done, but I am talking 5- 10 minutes here)

He is also in preschool 2X a week, I was hoping it woul help with this problem, but so far- no change.

Am I asking too much of him? Is he just one of those kids who doesn't care for toys? What else can I try?

Thanks so much!

ctbride08

We had to gradually work into independent playing.  I would let him pick whatever activity/toy he wanted, then would set a timer for the amount of time he had to play independently before I would join him.  At first it was very small (5 minutes) then stretched to longer and longer periods.  Within a month he got used to the idea and we dropped the timer. 

brightning

For the most part, no, she wants me to be involved in every single thing she does, every second of the day (I'm also a SAHM). Every once in a while, she'll have a good day and do lots of independent play, but then it's 4 more months before that happens again.

 I've tried doing all the same things you are and it's just not cutting it. I really think she's just one of those kids who prefers to have mom's company. However, when she does play by herself, she will play with her toys.

I feel your pain. Sometimes I wonder how on earth I made her into a child who was so reliant on my company, but really I think that's just who she is.

mrswright2006

I don't think you are asking too much of him.  DD has been able to play independently for quite awhile now (probably at least 6 months ago).  I like PP's idea of using a timer.  DD has never been a big fan of her toys, but will do art projects by herself - it started with drawing, then painting, and now cutting and pasting.  I just peek in on her every once and awhile to make sure she isn't writing on the walls, or cutting things she shouldn't have.  She also likes to go in her room with all of her stuffed animals and read her books.  I would make sure you give your son plenty of options of what to do (as long as they are age/ability appropriate), and then tell him that you are going to do X, and then you will come check on him.  If he comes to find you, tell him "I thought you were playing/drawing/reading?  Go finish playing/drawing/reading, and then come show/tell me what you made/read/did!" 

Pesky

Honestly, it depends on the kid.   DD is also one who likes to play with someone versus alone.  She will play alone on occasion but not for huge stretches and she's never been a great fan of puzzles (DS is my puzzle guy).  I do encourage her to play alone and set up things to do so (like her dolls and kitchen) where I can have just a peripheral part, like sampling her cooking.

howleyshell

I recommend trying narrative play.

The way it works is that you narrate exactly what he's doing out loud like you're broadcasting a football game.  No questions, no prompting him for any kind of response or dialogue at all.  

What this does is give him the assurance that you're tuned it and "there" without influencing the direction of his play.

Over time he should need less narration from you and go longer stretches without you.

I read about this in a parenting book when I had my newborn and a 17 month old and felt like I was being pulled in 2 directions ALL the time.  It went a long way for him.  That way I was "playing" with him (in his mind) but still able to change diapers, nurse, cook, etc.

 

easterbaby

My oldest DD has always been independent, even as an infant. Our youngest is very clingy and always wants me to play with her or hold her. It gets tough being a SAHM but when I see how fast they are growing up I cherish this time because soon they will be off to school and long gone are the days of cuddling my babies and them wanting me around all the time. I wouldn't worry too much about him being clingy and having a short attention span on projects or lack of toy play. Our oldest just started to really play with toys and she will be 4 tomorrow. She's very social and would run 24/7 if she could. Her teacher says that she's very artistic and loves to pretend play instead of blocks or puzzles which is normal for some kids.

Simonealisa

My 3.5 yr year old has been playing independently since he was a few months old. At that time it was just for 10 minutes while I showered, but I progressively increased the time and my 19 month old also plays independently as of a couple months ago. I used to be a nanny to a 3.5 yr old boy who sounds a lot like yours. Big imagination but could not play by himself. He's grown up to be just fine and well adjusted, maybe it just takes some kids more time.

MaddysMama07

Yes, she does. She has been crazy independent since she was very little though. There have been times where I've tried joining her and she's kicked me out! lol

wifeandmama

My son is only 2years, 8 months but yes.. always.  He loves playing with other kids, too, but he is awesome at making up games alone.