Help getting dad comfortable!

ashleyuva

Advice/Suggestions would be greatly appreciated...

My husband hasn't really interacted a ton with our baby since she's been home, and she'll be 4 weeks tomorrow. I've been really disappointed by this and I thought that he just wasn't that interested in her... well, it turns out that he is basically terrified because he has never been around a baby and feels like he is doing everything wrong because she cries a lot in the evenings when he gets home. I keep trying to explain that babies cry and that he's doing all the right things by holding her, singing, shh-ing, etc, but he has no confidence.

Any ideas? 

Kaidee0710

LO can probably sense that he is uncomfortable. Babies feed off our like energy and they can sense everything. Im not really sure what to say to help him become more confident besides just keep reassuring him. For the first 6 weeks or so I felt like i was like the worst mom ever. DD has reflux and she wasnt diagnosed til about 6 weeks up until we started medicine and stuff she was the hardest baby to be around. she would fuss and cry and scream and it was just hard because it was all day long. It took alot of reassuring from family and friends and the dr LOL to realize that im new at this and i may not always know what to do but as long as i give her everything she needs and she knows she can find comfort with me then i'm doing what i can. The first time she smiled at me(on purpose) was like the icing on the cake. Thats when i was like "ok... shes gonna cry and sometimes im not gonna know what to do to help her but look at that smile... im obviously doing something right."   Just keep reassuring DH and keep helping him build that bond with LO. Dont be disappointed just give him some time, he will get the hang of things =] 

snansley

Honestly, it just took time for us.  Once DS had better head control and was alert and more interactive, DH relaxed.  I think it is hard for them because tiny babies are fragile and often not easily consoled. At least ours wasn't.  It is whole new world once they start cooing and smiling.  Makes it all worth it. Hang in there.  It gets better.

Wilwarin

I would have him watch The Happiest Baby on the Block DVD.  It will give him confidence that he will be able to soothe them.  It made both my husband a lot more at ease with crying.

citymama00

My husband is the same way. He's also super stressed at work and in school some evenings as well, so coming home to a crying baby doesn't excite him all that much. But I just try to encourage him (in a positive way, not in a nagging way) to spend time with the baby and build up his confidence when it looks like he's uncomfortable or doesn't know what to do. I also remind him that this is my first time at this too and I don't always know what I'm doing either. A lot is trial and error, and I have just had more time at home with the baby to figure out his needs and wants. These things seems to help. I'm also trying to be more open about asking for his help. Even when it might just be easier for me to take care of something with the baby, sometimes I just need a break. I've told him this and he has been responsive when I've asked. So, he may not be initiating all of the interaction, but I think it's a start and it will get better. I'm sure it will for you too!

 

Haven1

Does your baby like baths?  If she's calm doing that, I'd recommend letting him interact with her while she's happily in the water.  You can help getting her in and out, but it would be great for his confidence to play together alone while she's doing something she enjoys.  And perhaps over time, baths can be his "thing" that's he super great at and does every night.