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How do you react to probing?

I am 17 weeks pregnant with twins and so many clients, colleagues, strangers ask, "Do twins run in your family?" or the very direct, "Are they natural or did you do IVF?"

I understand that people are curious, but I find these questions between a little too personal to rude.  I did get pregnant via IVF with my singleton and my twins, but the reason is irrelevant.  I am not shy about having done IFV nor do I try to hide it. However some people are judgemental, nosey, even angry about fertitlity treatments and I don't have time for them.

I usually say very calmly and directly. "These are not spontaneous twins. or No, they don't run in my family." or if the say "Did you do IFV." I just say "Yes." and nothing else. Most often, they back right off or even give me a little look like it wasn't the answer they wanted. -- hey, they asked!

I'm wondering how others react? Have any tips for handling this if you too see it as an invasion of privacy? I imagine it will continute long after they are born...

Thanks!

Re: How do you react to probing?

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    These questions bothered/bother me too.  And yes, that continue after they're born.  I usually say, "twins run in my family a little, but it was still a surprise" and quickly move to the next topic.  You're right, it's none of their damn business.

    Good luck and congrats on your babies!  (No matter how you got 'em!)

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    If they are people we hang out with, I will just tell them that we had help, if they ask more questions I will go more in depth. If they are strangers I tend to just say no they don't run in the family and just leave it at that. I'm not ashamed that we did have help, but I also don't think it is a complete strangers business how my kids were conceived. And believe me, it only gets worse once they get here.

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    Thanks Ladies. I can only imagine it's more once people can see the babies so I just want a strategy so I can waste no more energy on it. I used to be more open about the IFV/fertilitystuff...then I started noticing lots of angry comments on articles about the topic online and it made me think twice. I don't want to give a stranger or casual acquaintence any material for negativity.  I mean, people act bewildered when they see my daughter's blonde hair and my brown -- "Where did she get the blonde hair?"  Geez...

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     the infamous "do twins run in your family" question. I've grown to hate that question.
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    No one has straight up asked me if I did IVF (I did), but I get the "do twins run in your family?" all.the.time. Even though it's super nosy of people to ask, I'm not shy about telling people about IVF, but lord help the person who gets high and mighty with me about IF treatments. I don't stand for that at all.
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    Funny that you write this because I just posted this yesteray on another board.  This weekend was our county fair and I don't know how many people asked me those same two questions.  Do they run in your family and were they conceived naturally.  Personally, it's not any of their damn business!  But yes, twins do run on my mother's side of the family - so I say yes - and leave it at that.  If they ask about being conceived naturally, I say yes.  We did Clomid - no trigger shot to release my eggs, so technically the way I see it is that the Clomid helped me produce more quality eggs, BUT my body chose to release 2 of them, so that's how I justify it.  I don't know why there is such a stigma about IVF and medical intervention.  A baby is a baby is a baby, no matter how it gets here!!!  People just don't know where to draw the line of being personally intrusive! 

    Now, that I've gone off on my soapbox, I'll stop! 

    But thanks for the post!  Glad I'm not the only one who is sick of all the questions.

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    Those are some of the least annoying questions you'll get asked.  ;)

    I've always been honest when asked things like that.  "Yes, twins run in my family.  My brothers are twins."  I didn't say that my brothers are also IF treatment babies unless asked, which I don't think anyone ever pushed it further.  You could always answer that question with, "they do now," and leave it at that.

    If they asked about IVF I told them that no, but we did do fertility treatments.  At first this question bugged me, but very few people have outright judged me for it.  Most were just curious, and I used it as an opportunity to teach them more about IF and the treatments for it.  A couple people that have asked me if my twins came from treatments were actually going through, or about to go through, treatments themselves.  It was kind of nice to talk to them about what to expect, etc. 

    Those particular questions seem to go away after you give birth.  They are replaced by the lovely, "are they twins?" "are they identical?" (even my b/g twins get this all.the.time), etc.  The freak show effect never seems to end with multiples.  ;)

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    Mine were spontaneous, so maybe that's why I don't feel as sensitive towards the questions as others. But I think the thing to remember regardless of how they were conceived is that while it isn't anybody's business, the majority of people are just curious and don't mean any harm. I'd find the appropriate "canned answer" and try not to let the question bother you.   
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    It always seems that people ask "Do twins run in your family?" To begin to probe for the "are they natural or IVF?" question.

    I always answer the do they run in your family question with a yes.  There are 7 sets of fraternal twins on my mom's side of the family (one aunt had 5).  So while that is the truth that is not the way that I conceived my boys.  I so want to ask them how they conceived their children.

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    I love this post!  I am wondering about the same thing.  We're not ashamed we conceived using IUI, but at the same time I don't feel the need to discuss it.  I would rather dwell on the babies/pregnancy and not the past.  Luckily I have twin cousins so we plan on saying "multiples run in my family."  Hopefully that will be all we need to say.   
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    ahhh those 2 questions are soooo annoying!! see i think asking do twins run in your family is one thing okay that's not too personal just curious but the whole are they natural thing i think that's totally pushing the boundry like why is that any of your business?!

    and it gets worse like other ladies have said! my husband and i are celebrities when we go out it feels like...everyone ooooo's and ahhhh's and says omg look twins! awww so cute! i don't mind but i just don't like when it cuts into my life like some people try and stand there and keep talking with you and its like look ummm we're shopping we're living our life admire from afar and leave me alone...but i guess it just comes with the blessing of having multiples!

    one thing i have noticed and i'll pass this along to you is that if you stand in one spot too long that's when people approach you if they see you standing there so i try and not stand somewhere longer than a few minutes lol and most of the time when someone does come up and ask questions i'll answer them but somewhat ignore them like keep looking at whatever it is that i'm looking at and then they kinda get the hint and back off a little!

    good luck to you!
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    I don't mind the "do twins run in your family?" question, I think its a pretty automatic thing for people to ask.  I do get tired of answering it just because its not really a "yes or no" answer for me.  Yes, my sister has twins but there has never been a set of twins in our family prior to hers and we're pretty sure hers are identical so I'm not sure that its really a "running in the family" thing, I kind of think its just a fluke that we both ended up with twins. 

    The "are they natural?" or "did you do fertility treatments?" questions I find extremely rude and mine were spontaneous, so I can only imagine how offensive it must be to someone who's done IVF.  Its just no one's business how anybody's babies were conceived!  And why does it matter?  I liken it to the "Was your baby planned?" type of question.  What if it wasn't?  Should we love it less?  Just rude.  So far I've only had one person ask me the "fertility treatments" question and its someone that tends to ask rude questions anyway (my boss of all people).  Since I wasn't too surprised by the question given who was asking it, I just said something like "Nope, they were just a surprise" and moved on.

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    imagejalaiaa:
    Mine were spontaneous, so maybe that's why I don't feel as sensitive towards the questions as others. But I think the thing to remember regardless of how they were conceived is that while it isn't anybody's business, the majority of people are just curious and don't mean any harm. I'd find the appropriate "canned answer" and try not to let the question bother you.   

    This. People do ask if twins run in my family, at which point I say, "No, they were a surprise!!" Honestly, I've never had anyone probe any further when I give them this answer. IVF or not, twins are usually a 'surprise', right?

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    We get this question often also, especially since my cousin (and best friend) had twins on the same day as us. They used IVF and we did not. Anyways, I don't mind the "Do twins run in your family?" question, as much as I hate the "Who's side of the family do twins run on, yours or your husbands?", to that question I always answer "DH's side".... hey if they ask a stupid question.... I also have b/g twin and if I get asked if they've identical I answer yes to that too ;)
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    I just wrote about this happening to us as well on another post.  It is so frustrating.  We have had people we know as well as strangers ask this. I think it is so rude, really, why or how is it any concern of theirs how conceived these babies. That is like me asking someone, where did you conceive and what position were you in? LOL  Mine were from IVF but I have kept this very private, the only ones who know are my parents and my in laws. I am not ashamed but want to avoid being judged and topic of conversation.   So when I do get this question I just say ,No, I am asked this very often and don't understand why people assume anything. I don't know if it is because IVF is so common now and people are talking about it more but still, it is very personal and I would never ask anyone else, it is not my business.
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    imageoctbride1234:
    We have had people we know as well as strangers ask this. I think it is so rude, really, why or how is it any concern of theirs how conceived these babies....Mine were from IVF but I have kept this very private...I am not ashamed but want to avoid being judged and topic of conversation.

    This, exactly! And we have twins on both sides of my family and on DH's side too, so I say "yes" to the question about them running in the family. 

    When DH was recently asked if they were "natural", he said something to the effect of no, we wanted all-natural organic ones but they were out of them at the baby store, high demand etc. so we ordered the synthetic look-alikes and hopefully no one will tell the difference when they are born. I wish I could give credit to the person who posted this on this board a couple of months back, cuz he loved that answer when I told him about it and borrowed liberally!

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    I am soooo annoyed by these questions already as well. Although mine are "spontaneous" I still hate answering these questions. Why is it your business? I understand that they are curious. The "do they run in your family" I understand why someone asks but I'm just sick of answering "no they don't. They were a total surprise for everyone in the families".

    As for the fertility question, although we did not use any, i *HATE* this question. It is just beyond rude to ask this and why people feel the need to ask, i do not know. What truely gets me is when they use the wording "are they natural or IVF?" Natural? WTF DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?? as if my twins wouldn't be "natural" human beings because of fertility treatments. grrrrr.

    Sorry for the vent. :)

    I usually answer the family questions when asked. As for the fertility question, I usually just look at them like they are ridiculous and ignore the question. I have yet to have a person push further after they receive my dirty looks. Wink

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    imagejalaiaa:
    Mine were spontaneous, so maybe that's why I don't feel as sensitive towards the questions as others. But I think the thing to remember regardless of how they were conceived is that while it isn't anybody's business, the majority of people are just curious and don't mean any harm. I'd find the appropriate "canned answer" and try not to let the question bother you.   

    This. Many people assumed we had help and would ask what my regiment was. When I answered, "I had sex with my husband; he didn't pull out." they usually shut it. Crying

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