Anyone have step ILs?

Shelley-Bean

My DH doesn't talk to his mother at all, and has a stepmother who he doesn't feel close to, and really doesn't like (she's a pretty rotten person).  I hate to think of our boys having to call her "Grandma", seeing that she really wasn't a good mother to DH, and only shows interest in the pregnancy when FIL is around (keeping up appearances).  Is anyone else in this boat? 

Another interesting part of this story is that stepmom adopted DH as a child, yet wouldn't let him call her father "Grandpa" - it was always "Uncle **** ".  I'm considering having the kids call DH's parents Grandpa and Aunt **** for this reason.  Am I just being petty?  Are the pregnancy hormones and lack of sleep eating away at my common sense and ability to be civil?

ehpope

I'm torn between saying... "Calling her Aunt ___ is better than some other things you could call her." And " Don't stoop down to that level"

Are you going to be around her enough for her to really have a "name" for a while?

Shelley-Bean

Yes, I feel like we are.  DH's dad is really excited about the boys (1st grandchildren) and they live 15 minutes away.  I have a feeling she'll be tagging along with DH's dad when they visit.

miesl

You can choose to have your children call her whatever you want.  If she doesn't deserve to be grandma - don't let her be called that.

Family isn't just "being related" - it has to mean something too.

In your case... I would go with Grandpa and First Name - if she doesn't deserve a title, don't give her one (especially not one that's inappropriate, like Aunt).

SoldiersGreenBean

What does DH think?

kaitley44

My DH has a step mother that we rarely ever see. Our babies will not be calling her grandma, they will be calling her Barb. That was DH choice, and I like the choice that he made.

Shelley-Bean

SoldiersGreenBean:

What does DH think?

DH hasn't made a final decision.  He goes back and forth, especially when she does something to get him upset.  He wants to be respectful to his father, but doesn't necessarily want her to be called "Grandma". 

I didn't think it really bothered me, until we were at my baby shower, and I opened a gift from her and said 'this is from my MIL" and one of her guests said "you have to start calling her Grandma" and I realized it never occured to me that she would be given that priviledge. 

GSwans

My DH has a stepmom, and we call her by her first name, instead of a grandma-name.  That's what DH wanted, as he doesn't feel close enough to her to warrant a grandma-type name.