Help...what do I say...

morganore

So one of my bffs is very naive, but likes to make comments about things like she knows it all and can be very stubborn. Anyway, ever since DD was born she makes this same comment to me quite often when we are talking about DD..."there's nothing wrong with DD, it was your body that couldn't handle pregnancy and couldn't keep her in there." It really hurts me and bothers me that she has to point this out all the time. I had a really hard time after DD was born, I felt really bad that I couldn't keep her in there longer...I usually just ignore it and change the subject but she is coming to visit next week and I have a feeling she will be saying it as usual and I want to put an end to it so I was thinking of saying something like "you know, I had a really hard time after having DD and felt really guilty that I couldn't keep her in there, could you please not point that out anymore, it hurts my feelings."  I don't want to start a fight or anything I just want a tactful way of saying this to let her know that it hurts me and to make her stop making that comment. Any suggestions? 

Another thing she says now when I tell her DD's weight or anything else about her is "wow DD is like a normal baby now"...well she is a normal baby, she is just "full term" now. I usually just interrupt her and say "full term" or say it after she says "normal."  I hate that word. I'm sure many of you have encountered lots of people who say this. Is it frustrating to anyone else?

kamcfarlane

i have a friend that did that sort of stuff. she had her baby shortly after i did and was constantly making comments like your friend. eventually, i had to take a step back and just walk away for awhile. now, we talk again, but i keep pregnancy on the list of topics we stay away from.

ignorance is a wonderful place to be in terms of preemies. our friends just don't understand.

hewinked

DD was only born 5 weeks early, but it was still very difficult.  I also felt (and sometimes still do) guilty that I couldn't keep her in longer, wondering what I did wrong, etc.  Whenever I talk about it, in regards to my anxiety about my current pregnancy, everyone says, "But DD was so healthy" or "DD wasn't that early."  Those 2 facts don't change anything.  I also have to take a step back and not talk about it with certain people cuz they don't get it.

I think what you plan on saying to your friend is very tactful and gets the point across.  GL!

FisMom

When I was pregnant and people made size comments I told them that it was very rude and that I was not offended but I wanted to save them the embarassment in case they did offend someone.

If I had a friend like yours I would do the same. Tell her, "You know your comments are rude and hurtful. It's hard enough having a preemie without being reminded all time the reasons why. I know you are not intentionally trying to hurt my feelings so am telling you this so that you do not inadvertantly offend someone else."

If she continues tell her to STFU.