repost from MC/Preg Loss board...

HaleyCinTX

4 days since M/C, trying to make it, but need to vent about a friend..

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I am currently very bitter towards a friend due to my recent MC and trying to get some perspective, and perhaps prevent a falling out of our friendship. Short version = "Lisa" was in the hospital the week before my MC for flu like sypmtoms. All her tests came back negative, she was released. While in the hospital, she was posting on Facebook about her stay. My pregnancy was never made public on Facebook, therefore, neither was my MC. It's frustrating me to no end to see people AKA "friends" of Lisa posting on her Facebook about how they prayed for her, and so glad she is better, and all the well wishes, when I have just experienced one of the most traumatic events of my life physically & emotionally, yet I won't be getting any of those well wishes via Facebook, since I don't make such events public knowledge. The bitterness towards her is growing because, what? she suffered a few days in the hopsital for a high temp & body aches & chills, and you would think she was on her death bed from all the Facebook hoopla??!! Trying to be more open minded, but my emotions are getting the best of me...anybody been through this with a friend?! And there is more, she has had abortions in the past, one recently, which at the time I supported her, but now I am bitter about that as well. HELP!

firefightersgal

I have always been very open about my IF and m/c.  I have a huge support system because of it.  I'm very thankful for it, even if it hurts sometimes.

Rawr08

I think it is normal to feel that way.  I lost a few friends when I went through my loss.  Either because they didn't understand, or I felt they didn't offer me support.  If you want people to support you, they need to know what you are going through.  With that said I don't think you can blame her for making her issues public, thats her choice - as it is yours to keep your loss to yourself.

christyjolee

I don't think you can blame her for making her illness public while you kept your mc private.  It's a personal choice.  It would be completely different if you made yours public and didn't get support. 

lovely40

I'm so sorry for all you are going through. I know it must be so hard to see all the support for her when you feel like people don't even realize the pain you are going through. The anger and emotions you are feeling are perfectly normal.

I understand your need for privacy - that is a personal decision. I did decide to share my loss on facebook even though I hadn't shared my pregnancy yet. I posted something like "grieving the loss that so many other couples have grieved. Please keep DH and I in your thoughts and prayers as we experience the loss of a very loved pregnancy." I had an outpooring of support, cards, phonecalls (i didn't answer but still was nice), and food that was actually very very helpful. I am just more comfortable if my life is an open book. It's just a personal difference... so I understand why your friend would post about a hospital stay. I probably would have to. However, knowing what you were going through I would hope that she is offering you tons of support privatly.

I would try to take a step back before you say anything to her. Take a step back and see how you feel. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss and all your going through. It is an emotional rollarcoaster and anger is a very normal part of it.

damabo80

Rawr08:

  If you want people to support you, they need to know what you are going through.  With that said I don't think you can blame her for making her issues public, thats her choice - as it is yours to keep your loss to yourself.

I agree. I don't think it's rationale to expect people to fawn over us due to a loss...esp when we keep said loss private.

There are going to be FB attention wh0res out there who will post about every single mundane item in their life and rack up 20 comments from friends congratulating them on buying new shoes. If something like that causes jealousy issues, maybe a bigger question to ask yourself is "why".

BlakeG

First, I am so sorry for your loss and I understand the deep emotions that cause us to be bitter about everything.  My advice would be to take a step back and a deep breath.  Remind yourself that you can't expect support from people if you do not tell them what you are going through.  Your friend chose to tell people she was sick and got support, you chose to keep it private (as did I) so you really can't begrudge her. 

This is a personal decision and while I didn't feel comfortable posting on FB I did tell close friends and family what I was going through so they could be there for me.  I hope you can find some support with family and friends (and here).  ((hugs))

HaleyCinTX

Thanks all for your perspectives & advice. I realize I can't expect sympathy from those are who unaware. And luckily, my friends & family who are aware have been 100 % supportive and there for me and my husband, Lisa included, and I am so thankful.

I am also trying to deal with my mixed emotions on Lisa's choices (end part of my post) that I am experiencing as well.

shouldbworkin

This is why I didn't keep my 2nd PG a secret.  it hurt me more to not have people know about my m/c the 1st time around than to have to tell them I was m/c the 2nd time around.  I had told a few friends the 1st time around and they were such a comfort to me. 

If it was me, I would tell a close friend and my parents what was going on.  Sounds like you could use some hugs right now.  I'm sorry for your loss. 

biddy53178

firefightersgal:

I have always been very open about my IF and m/c.  I have a huge support system because of it.  I'm very thankful for it, even if it hurts sometimes.

this- i cant imagine having gone through my mc without the support