Way too casual a comment...

wmramsel

There are 3 of us pregnant due within a month of each other at work.  

This hostess looked like death warmed over today and I asked her if she was feeling alright (she was also eating oyster crackers).  She said no, that she found out Friday that she was pregnant.  I said congratulations and welcome to the club.  Her comment:

"Oh, I'm not in the club.  I'm not keeping this baby.  I won't be pregnant for long.  I have horrible pregnancies and I'm not keeping this baby."

I was stunned.  I had no idea what to say.  I mean, seriously, you just told a pregnant lady in the presence of others that your going to have an abortion?  I mean, all feelings about abortion aside, why even tell anyone your pregnant if you don't intend on keeping the baby?  She didn't indicate that pregnancy puts her health at risk, and she has other kids, so I'm assuming (a bad thing to do, I know) that an abortion is a choice rather than medical necessity.

I just thought it was a seriously casual comment for such a heavy topic.

***Disclaimer:  This is NOT intended to be a political post about abortion, or people's views on abortion.  I didn't want to get into a discussion about the right/wrong of abortion.  My views aside, I just thought the comment was....interesting.... 

midnight*sun

I had a girl I worked with tell me when I was about 15 weeks that if she was to get "knocked up" she'd see about "getting that sucker cut out." I just stared at her waiting for the "Psych! Gotcha", but it never came. I litereally felt sick to my stomach (and not because of m/s) for the rest of the day.

atownpreggo

Yeah I agree!  Why would she even tell people??  Strange.

tfarabians

It was pretty casual!  I mean thank god in this country women have a choice but its not really a PC topic to tell someone your pg and then in the next breath tell them what your planning on doing.  She should have just said she ate something bad and left it at that.

Keddy15

I had someone say something to me recently about how the doctor ran a test on her daughter to make sure she didn't have fifth's (I think it was fifth's anyway) and how she hoped she didn't because then she (the mother who is pregnanct) would have to have an abortion.  She said it way to casually like it's just expected that everyone would end a pregnancy if there was a slight chance that there could be a birth defect.  I lost a lot of respect for her.

wmramsel

midnight*sun:

I had a girl I worked with tell me when I was about 15 weeks that if she was to get "knocked up" she'd see about "getting that sucker cut out." I just stared at her waiting for the "Psych! Gotcha", but it never came. I litereally felt sick to my stomach (and not because of m/s) for the rest of the day.

Whoa.  Thats bad.    

Keddy15

tfarabians:

It was pretty casual!  I mean thank god in this country women have a choice but its not really a PC topic to tell someone your pg and then in the next breath tell them what your planning on doing.  She should have just said she ate something bad and left it at that.

Sorry I can't not respond to this.  You are welcome to your opinion, but I don't believe that G-d would want anyone to kill their baby, G-d doesn't seem like the thing to thank if you are in favor of abortion.

SND2010

My friend was interviewing girls for a position where the required uniform was pretty skimpy. One applicant said ?if I look a little plump right now it?s because I?m pregnant but next week I won?t be.? There is such thing as being too cavalier.

AimeeL85

I would feel unbelievably awkward if someone said that to me, even if I wasn't pregnant....that's just odd and not small talk.

wmramsel

Keddy15:

tfarabians:

It was pretty casual!  I mean thank god in this country women have a choice but its not really a PC topic to tell someone your pg and then in the next breath tell them what your planning on doing.  She should have just said she ate something bad and left it at that.

Sorry I can't not respond to this.  You are welcome to your opinion, but I don't believe that G-d would want anyone to kill their baby, G-d doesn't seem like the thing to thank if you are in favor of abortion.

I understand this is a seriously debatable topic, but I really didn't mean for it to turn into a huge post about the merits of abortion or the lack of merits for that matter.  Please, please, please, no drama? 

Keddy15

wmramsel:

Keddy15:

tfarabians:

It was pretty casual!  I mean thank god in this country women have a choice but its not really a PC topic to tell someone your pg and then in the next breath tell them what your planning on doing.  She should have just said she ate something bad and left it at that.

Sorry I can't not respond to this.  You are welcome to your opinion, but I don't believe that G-d would want anyone to kill their baby, G-d doesn't seem like the thing to thank if you are in favor of abortion.

I understand this is a seriously debatable topic, but I really didn't mean for it to turn into a huge post about the merits of abortion or the lack of merits for that matter.  Please, please, please, no drama? 

 I know you didn't I'm sorry, that just irked me.  I promise I'll let it go now.

broccolitree

I don't think your being pregnant is relevant.  Her aborting doesn't have an impact on your baby.  She told you because you asked what was wrong and then made a comment about how she was also going to have a baby.  Yeah, she could've lied about it, but I know when I was in first tri and feeling like crap it was all I could do to phrase the truth in a coherent fashion, let alone come up with a lie on the spot.

And yeah, I have a feeling we're going to have an influx on our hands before too long.  Bleh.

wmramsel

broccolitree:

I don't think your being pregnant is relevant.  Her aborting doesn't have an impact on your baby.  She told you because you asked what was wrong and then made a comment about how she was also going to have a baby.  Yeah, she could've lied about it, but I know when I was in first tri and feeling like crap it was all I could do to phrase the truth in a coherent fashion, let alone come up with a lie on the spot.

And yeah, I have a feeling we're going to have an influx on our hands before too long.  Bleh.

It's sorta true, I'm really more shocked because there were more people around the table than just me and it seriously was just an off the shoulder comment about it.  I don't really expect her to lie, but man, an "I'm not feeling real great" would have done the trick, you know?  To me, that is a really personal comment regardless- it's not like we're friends. lol  I didn't tell people I was pregnant until 13 weeks (IRL outside of immediate family), so if someone asked what was wrong, I just said I didn't feel well.  I just sorta sat there trying not to be too slack jawed.... 

stbmittleman

Yeah, that's awkward. Not good small talk at all. If nothing else than you never know someone else's views or how they are going to react to something that major.

broccolitree

Yeah, two sides to every coin.  You think she's oversharing and cavalier, she probably thinks you're a nosy hobag, heh.

My brain totally just didn't work at all first tri, so my response was like, 'I'm um... mostly uh.  I mean f*ck.  I think.  wait, what was the question?' At which point I'm pretty sure people just concluded I was high and let me go about it, lol.  I'd just give her a bit of leeway with it, kwim?

midnight*sun

broccolitree:

I don't think your being pregnant is relevant.  Her aborting doesn't have an impact on your baby.  She told you because you asked what was wrong and then made a comment about how she was also going to have a baby.  Yeah, she could've lied about it, but I know when I was in first tri and feeling like crap it was all I could do to phrase the truth in a coherent fashion, let alone come up with a lie on the spot.

And yeah, I have a feeling we're going to have an influx on our hands before too long.  Bleh.

I see kind of where you're coming from, but I have to disagree. Although her getting an abortion doesn't affect anyone else it's kind of like a slap in the face. Like having a friend talk about their divorce the night before your wedding.

wmramsel

broccolitree:

Yeah, two sides to every coin.  You think she's oversharing and cavalier, she probably thinks you're a nosy hobag, heh.

My brain totally just didn't work at all first tri, so my response was like, 'I'm um... mostly uh.  I mean f*ck.  I think.  wait, what was the question?' At which point I'm pretty sure people just concluded I was high and let me go about it, lol.  I'd just give her a bit of leeway with it, kwim?

If she seemed at all like that, maybe.  I mean, if she wants to tell everyone its her own prerogative, I was just pretty shocked.  I've never heard anyone be that casual about such a situation.  She repeated it several times (the quote isn't the end of it) and was pretty adamant that she wasn't going to be pregnant for long.  I was just more shocked than anything.  I had no idea what to say and it was pretty awkward pretty quickly with the other 2 sitting there.  Luckily my manager started the pre shift meeting and saved us all from attempting to change the subject without being judge-y or rude or anything like that.  I was just like "oh, I'm sorry".  

wmramsel

midnight*sun:

broccolitree:

I don't think your being pregnant is relevant.  Her aborting doesn't have an impact on your baby.  She told you because you asked what was wrong and then made a comment about how she was also going to have a baby.  Yeah, she could've lied about it, but I know when I was in first tri and feeling like crap it was all I could do to phrase the truth in a coherent fashion, let alone come up with a lie on the spot.

And yeah, I have a feeling we're going to have an influx on our hands before too long.  Bleh.

I see kind of where you're coming from, but I have to disagree. Although her getting an abortion doesn't affect anyone else it's kind of like a slap in the face. Like having a friend talk about their divorce the night before your wedding.

This totally reminded me of the Sex in the City movie where Big gets freaked by Miranda's comment! 

taggiecb

it's just too much information.  I want to know about a stanger having an abortion, like I want to know about my waitress having bloody bowel movements.  I just wouldn't want to know.

wmramsel

laceyjean1:

it's just too much information.  I want to know about a stanger having an abortion, like I want to know about my waitress having bloody bowel movements.  I just wouldn't want to know.

Thats a very good way of putting it!  Sick, but good. 

izzourclue

Keddy15:

tfarabians:

It was pretty casual!  I mean thank god in this country women have a choice but its not really a PC topic to tell someone your pg and then in the next breath tell them what your planning on doing.  She should have just said she ate something bad and left it at that.

Sorry I can't not respond to this.  You are welcome to your opinion, but I don't believe that G-d would want anyone to kill their baby, G-d doesn't seem like the thing to thank if you are in favor of abortion.

I thank God for living in a country where I have the freedom of choice over my own body and what I do with it.  I thank God that I have proper medical care available to me to make these choices in a safe manner.  I thank God that I was never in the position to have to make such a difficult choice for myself either because of horrible circumstances or just the plain stupidity of youth.  And lastly I thank God for the baby that grows in me now and that I feel secure in my ability to parent and raise this child with maturity and the security of a stable and loving marriage and home. 

If you read her response, she wasn't thanking God for abortion, she was thanking God for the ability to choose.

kpv

izzourclue:

Keddy15:

tfarabians:

It was pretty casual!  I mean thank god in this country women have a choice but its not really a PC topic to tell someone your pg and then in the next breath tell them what your planning on doing.  She should have just said she ate something bad and left it at that.

Sorry I can't not respond to this.  You are welcome to your opinion, but I don't believe that G-d would want anyone to kill their baby, G-d doesn't seem like the thing to thank if you are in favor of abortion.

I thank God for living in a country where I have the freedom of choice over my own body and what I do with it.  I thank God that I have proper medical care available to me to make these choices in a safe manner.  I thank God that I was never in the position to have to make such a difficult choice for myself either because of horrible circumstances or just the plain stupidity of youth.  And lastly I thank God for the baby that grows in me now and that I feel secure in my ability to parent and raise this child with maturity and the security of a stable and loving marriage and home. 

If you read her response, she wasn't thanking God for abortion, she was thanking God for the ability to choose.

 

This.

allobosc

I had a student of mine sorta tell me something similar.  She told me she was pregnant and when I asked her if there was anything I could do (like refer her to our teen mom prgm) she said "Nah, I'm not excited." My confused face must have clued her in b/c she further explained that this is her 2nd pregnancy and she lost the first one and the dr. told her she'd lose this one too b/c something is "wrong" with her.  Sure enough 2 wks later she wasn't pregnant anymore.  I'm not sure if her reason was legit or just a coverup for an abortion.  I've had lots of students say they "lost" the babies, but you never know.

NJBrit

This is not to start a debate, rather just to explain a similar situation I was in: 

Do you remember when I was having all of the issues with that friend of mine who told me I shouldn't be thinking about having more children? She also very casually mentioned to me once that she had an abortion when her and her husband starting dating. The way she spoke about it was as if it were just something that needed to be done on a to-do list. I am very much anti-abortion, and yes I thank God that I have not been in a situation that has made me question my beliefs.

When she and I got into our huge fight it was very difficult for me to restrain myself and not pull our previous conversation into the argument. I wanted so badly to tell her what I thought of her and her choices, but it would have been childish and uncalled for of me to do that.  

It's difficult for me to understand why some people seem so casual about an issue that is so emotional for me. We all have different beliefs and values, and I think that no matter what side of the issue you are on it's hard to imagine someone else seemingly so apathetic about it. 

izzourclue

NJBrit:

This is not to start a debate, rather just to explain a similar situation I was in: 

Do you remember when I was having all of the issues with that friend of mine who told me I shouldn't be thinking about having more children? She also very casually mentioned to me once that she had an abortion when her and her husband starting dating. The way she spoke about it was as if it were just something that needed to be done on a to-do list. I am very much anti-abortion, and yes I thank God that I have not been in a situation that has made me question my beliefs.

When she and I got into our huge fight it was very difficult for me to restrain myself and not pull our previous conversation into the argument. I wanted so badly to tell her what I thought of her and her choices, but it would have been childish and uncalled for of me to do that.  

It's difficult for me to understand why some people seem so casual about an issue that is so emotional for me. We all have different beliefs and values, and I think that no matter what side of the issue you are on it's hard to imagine someone else seemingly so apathetic about it. 

I think "seemingly" is the key word here.  Many people that have gone through it may take a casual attitude about it because its the only way they can live with the choice.  They've convinced themselves it was the right thing to do for them (and maybe it was) and to put anymore emphasis on it than that is just too hard to deal with.  You should be happy you didn't pull that card.  It would have been a really low blow.  Even if she acts casual, in reality, its probably a very painful memory for her.  

jaejaevee

izzourclue:

Keddy15:

tfarabians:

It was pretty casual!  I mean thank god in this country women have a choice but its not really a PC topic to tell someone your pg and then in the next breath tell them what your planning on doing.  She should have just said she ate something bad and left it at that.

Sorry I can't not respond to this.  You are welcome to your opinion, but I don't believe that G-d would want anyone to kill their baby, G-d doesn't seem like the thing to thank if you are in favor of abortion.

I thank God for living in a country where I have the freedom of choice over my own body and what I do with it.  I thank God that I have proper medical care available to me to make these choices in a safe manner.  I thank God that I was never in the position to have to make such a difficult choice for myself either because of horrible circumstances or just the plain stupidity of youth.  And lastly I thank God for the baby that grows in me now and that I feel secure in my ability to parent and raise this child with maturity and the security of a stable and loving marriage and home. 

If you read her response, she wasn't thanking God for abortion, she was thanking God for the ability to choose.

You said this incredibly well.  And I completely agree.

tfarabians

Keddy15:

tfarabians:

It was pretty casual!  I mean thank god in this country women have a choice but its not really a PC topic to tell someone your pg and then in the next breath tell them what your planning on doing.  She should have just said she ate something bad and left it at that.

Sorry I can't not respond to this.  You are welcome to your opinion, but I don't believe that G-d would want anyone to kill their baby, G-d doesn't seem like the thing to thank if you are in favor of abortion.

Actually I was referring to thanking god that I have a choice of what goes on with my own body vs a law or regulation telling me what I can or can't do. 

ekmebm

I think sharing a comment/situation like that puts others in an awkward situation.....in some settings/circumstances there is such a thing as TMI and this is clearly one of them.

It would be a whole different story if this girl was one of your close friends curled up on your couch at home but to make an annoucement like this at the work place was, in my opinion, very unprofessional. It's always risky to bring up the topic of abortion in social settings because it's one of those very personal topics that people tend to have strong feelings and reactions to, no matter what side of the issue they stand on. Regardless of how everyone in the room felt about the topic (pro-choice, pro-life, whatever)...it must have been very uncomfortable for everyone there.

Mikejustine

Simply put, in general, people do not think before they speak these days. It's annoying.

bridalinsane05

I would have just said TMI and changed the subject. If she was offended I'd ask her if se wants to know about the anal fissures I had a month after delivering my daughter.

Fergie+1

Last year when DH and I were TTC (I was already on fertility meds), a girl who works in an office in my building- I see her every day- got KU. She ate like a beast for four weeks and announced she was having an abortion. I cried my eyeballs out. More than anything, I was angry that selfish people like her get pregnant and just abort, without consequence, while people like DH and I were trying so hard with no luck.

And yes, she was being selfish. She even admitted to my co-workers and myself that she "didn't have the closet space" for baby stuff, and that she barely picks up after herself, so why would she want to pick up after a baby, too? It was a lameass excuse to me, and she should have never told anyone she was pg if she knew she was going to abort anyway.

--> I was not judging her right to chose at all; rather, angry because I was TTC unsuccessfully while she was throwing a baby away.

HugginAngel

Having had such trouble with keeping my babies alive I probably would have fallen off the chair. Our old secretary was a 19yr old girl who had one child already and had 4 yes...4 freakin abortions that past year because well b/c didn't work for her. ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME?! Stop having sexxx every day if it doesn't work. She was so nonchalant about them too it drove me batty.

The waitress really could have said she wasn't feeling well or just said nothing at all in response and went about her business. That's amazing how much she felt she could share with you all. She might as well have worn it on a t-shirt...bah!

AppleMomma

Totally inconsiderate to the people around her. I would have kept my mouth shut. You're right, why say you're pregnant if you plan on aborting?

tinytraxx

SND2010:

My friend was interviewing girls for a position where the required uniform was pretty skimpy. One applicant said ?if I look a little plump right now it?s because I?m pregnant but next week I won?t be.? There is such thing as being too cavalier.

 OMG!!!!!!