Delayed bad reaction to sibling?

CarolinaKatie

When his baby brother was born Memorial Day weekend, Nathan was awesome. He was 2 years, 10 months and LOVED being a big brother. He was fine with grandparents while we were in the hospital, wanted to help when we got home, accepted that I could not do as much (had a c/s), and just adored his baby brother. The only time he acted up was when we went to the doctor when the baby was a week old and he tried to talk over the doctor. Obviously, he was trying to get attention. But other than that, the whole summer was great.

Then preschool started last month. He was so excited and he still loves it. It is the same place he went last year for MMO. He loves his teacher and runs in every day. But, since school started we noticed his behavior at home getting progressively worse. He never had the terrible 2's. Maybe that is what this is. Or change with school. Or realizing finally that the baby is here to stay and share mommy's attention. He has been VERY needy. Wanting me to hold him, following me when I need to put the baby down for a nap (sticker or sucker bribes don't even work!), not wanting me to leave him at his naptime, refusing to let Daddy give him a bath/put him to bed, etc. Sounds classic jealousy kind of, huh?

Now it is transitioning to school and I am super stressed about this. He has always been perfect at school. Now he is telling his teacher he misses me several times. Last week on Tuesday, she was not there and he totally freaked out on the sub. They thought he had a bladder infection or something because he kept crying and saying he had to pee pee. I think it may have been a tummy ache and he was confusing it with having to pee. But that, the teacher, and whatever else made him crazy. He also freaked out crying when he spilled a fruit cup on himself and threw a hissy fit when the teacher gave him water as a refill and not more apple juice. This is totally not like him. Well, recent behavior at home has him doing some fo this, but I can curb it by talking to him calmly or putting him in time out. The director had to call me.  He also started screaming and crying on her when she printed something and the sound scared him. Just a really bad day. I took him to the doctor and he was fine. Doctor said the behavior sounds normal for his age and to not worry over one day.

Well, then Thursday came. He was fine for his teacher, but when he went to lunch (different teacher, same as the one he freaked on on Tuesday), he misbehaved for her. Threw some of his food, yelled about the refill again, etc. He's never this bad for me. I was mortified. But this teacher is older and pretty strict. When we talked later he said she didn't like him and that she was mean. Don't know if he thought that in general about her or if that is how she felt towards him for what he did. I don't know. I'm thinking about taking him out of the lunch hour. It is a small extra fee and not like he has to do it. Maybe that on top of 3 hours of preschool, the change in teachers, and everything else going on inside his little head is just too much.

Anyway, this was terribly long, but I'm really stressed about this situation. Like I said, he has always been such a good little boy. Suddenly over the last month, is becomming so challenging and its like I don't know how to handle it because I don't know the cause. He's an outgoing kid, but he is sensitive. It is my personality too. So I know I need to tread lightly. But oh, the mommy guilt. Help!

JillAly

Sounds a lot like my son.  He was 2 years, 10 months when my daughter was born (in July).  My son did great at first too and lately has been very needy.  He is in daycare and switched rooms a month ago.  He tells me that he wants to go back to his old classroom - and while I haven't heard that he's been acting up in class, it breaks my heart when he says he doesn't want to be a dolphin (the room) because he wants to go back to the sunflower room or he wants to stay home with me and not go to school. 

I've chalked it up to a lot of change in a short period of time.  I rocked his world with a new baby, a move (we moved apartments) and changing rooms at school.  I don't know that i would handle all that as well as he has - so if he has some jealousy moments or acts up, I try to remember what he's been through.

So, some of the things I've done are:  make a big deal about his artwork like it belongs in a museum and hang it up on the fridge;  try to spend time alone with him (I put the baby down if possible) and really play with whatever toy he wants (usually trains).  When he gets home from daycare, (I have someone bringing him home until I go back to work- long story) but when he gets home, I rush to him and give him a big hug and tell him I missed him all day.  Those kinds of things.

I just tell myself that I'm not the first mom to go through sibling rivalry and I won't be the last.  They all survived and I will too.  At least I hope I will!

Pesky

Um, hate to say it, but sounds like the terrible 3s are hitting.  That is exactly what DD started doing around the same age.  Just be firm and consistent that it is not acceptable, have the consequences per normal and so on.  I also made an effort to have some quality alone time with DD.  But I was warned it would last about 2-4 mos minimum and it did.  That was the worst of it.  That side of her still surfaces on occasion but it is easier to quickly shut it down.  And FWIW, DD is also a sensitive person.  I just kept very calm through the whole thing when explaining that it was not acceptable.  The few times I did get angry, I told her that I was very angry with her behavior so she would see it and see how to handle anger.

Mysterious_wife

Sounds like the 3 yo. phase.  It was hell at my house for a while.  

ecoppins

From my experience and those of my friends, it sounds pretty standard for 3 behavior and new sibbling/change. I'm a fan of the extra love and special mommy time and the consistant firmness on what is/is not acceptable or expected of him. Pulling him from the lunches with an explaination that he can't participate if he ______________ (make it very specific, give actual descriptions of what he is done that isn't okay)

Also, when putting dd into a new situation I detail exactly what being a good girl is so that she can do so. Remain calm but firm, and feel free to use my mantra "It's just a phase, this too shall pass"

 

canhardlywait1

I just wanted to share my recent experience with my 4 yo.  He loves school is outgoing, easygoing etc.  He got a little cold which I thought nothing about.  For weeks he was just completely off.  Temper tantrums, emotional, crying at school at drop off, which he had never done in his life.  This went on for weeks and weeks.  I must have taken him to the dr. 5 times.  He ended up having an ear infection that I found with my otoscope because I saw him touch his ear once or twice.  No fever, etc.  Then he got mono and shortly thereafter pneumonia.  It took him 2 mos to get better and he is back to his normal self.  He was just exhausted and sick and though I rarely found a temperature on him and he had a cold or two it didn't seem like he was as sick as he turned out to be!  I insisted the my doctor check for mono, they assured me that kids that young don't get it.  Sure enough they called me an hour later to say he had it!  The same with the pneumonia

Moral to the story for my kids at least, there was a physiogical basis for his sudden change in behavior.

 

Hope things get better soon, it's no fun to see your little ones upset: (

Temp159135562506975

it can be many things - just address it as best as you think you can.

Griffin did totally fine when the twins were born.... he was 2y2mo.  2 weeks before his 3rd birthday he became terrible! we went through a few months of constant issues - but we were consistant and constant with discipline- and also TONS of positive attention and praise - and it's getting better now.

when the twins started walking he showed his first issues with them - pushing them down, etc - i tihnk b/c it was the first time they were real competition to him - they were "real boys" - but that's OK now, too. 

he has had clingy issues with drop off at daycare for the past couple months - we are not 100% sure why - but are dealing with it by giving him more attention, more choices with things in the am, etc.  He's getting better.

2-3 y/os have lots of things going on - even without new siblings - so dont' be shocked if there are changes like this often --- just give TONS of praise for good behavior- lots of attention, and constant discipline, too.

The cause isn't the thing you need to worry about- you need to just keep using constant praise and discipline- so he learns/remembers that good behavior = good attention from mommy... bad behavior = consequence he doesn't like.