Do you ever get spiteful...

hollerjeepgirl

of people who go full term? Or have healthy babies? I'm still in the hospital at 24w4d and I am probably feeling this way because I don't know the outcome. I'm not feeling this way right now but I do get upset when others have an easier pregnancy. Although! I am happy for them, it would be mortifying if something bad happened. I just want to know if I'm alone or not on feeling this way. I've almost gotten past the part of being upset when I see cute, healthy babies on t.v. commercials. Geez, I sound awful now that I think about it

Bippy798

I get jealous yes. But I still don't wish our special kind of Hell on them.

hollerjeepgirl

That's what I meant to say, I just suck at wording

lemen99

spiteful? not really - but it bothers me when people don't appreciate what they have and take it for granted.

msalinardi@live.com

lemen99:

spiteful? not really - but it bothers me when people don't appreciate what they have and take it for granted.

This! I defintly get  what you are saying. It was a long time before I could even look at a big pregnant woman with out feeling jealous and wondering why them and not me. It still gets me crazy when I hear women complain about not having the "birth experience" that they wanted, but they got to bring home a happy, healthy baby. I would never wish what I went through with DD on anyone, but I do wish people would be more thankful for what they have.

beyoga

I just delivered my baby boy on Saturday.  I was only 24 weeks pregnant.  I had to use medication to stay pregnant b/c of my uterine lining not sustaining a pregnancy (miscarriages).  I understand how your feeling.  I FINALLY get pregnant and deliver at 6 months.  Its frustrating sometimes but I wouldn't want anyone else to go through what we're going through.  God had blessed us with a strong son who is a fighter and sometimes you have to be grateful for the little things.

hollerjeepgirl

Well congrats on your son and I hope that he's healthy. This experience has taught me that each day is special and to not take it for granted. I'm almost to 25 weeks but each day could be the delivery date

Nikison

lemen99:

spiteful? not really - but it bothers me when people don't appreciate what they have and take it for granted.

This. I had a FB friend that told me how lucky I was to have my baby early...I told her how lucky she was that she got to hold her baby right away and take him home within days of his birth, that she was lucky that she never had to see the inside of a NICU and didn't know what it was like to see her baby hooked up to machines. 

 

Kate621

Ditto what pp said about being envious. I should still be pregnant so it is hard to see woman who are due around the same time I was. I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone, it just makes me sad for what we (DH, my parents, my IL's) have lost. This was our first baby and first grandbaby for both sides. Just wish things were different for us.

sdtchica13

Nikison:

lemen99:

spiteful? not really - but it bothers me when people don't appreciate what they have and take it for granted.

This. I had a FB friend that told me how lucky I was to have my baby early...I told her how lucky she was that she got to hold her baby right away and take him home within days of his birth, that she was lucky that she never had to see the inside of a NICU and didn't know what it was like to see her baby hooked up to machines. 

 

THIS and THIS! I would never wish a NICU stay on anyone, but it seriously infuriates me when I see people on the 3rd tri board who are barely 34 weeks and are whining that they are done and want to be induced early. I am a tad b!tchy on a good day, so I tend to blast those posters. About 5 months ago (right before my LO came home from the NICU), a girl who was 30 weeks posted that she didnt want to go past 34-35 weeks because she would have less baby weight to take off if she went early...she is probably still smoking from the flaming I gave her! I delivered at 29w, 6d and I would have given ANYTHING to have had a normal pregnancy and delivery, still been pregnant at my shower, and been able to take my baby home after a few days instead of stressing out for 63 days in the NICU.

OP, it is normal to feel jealous and like you got cheated, and it does get easier, but it takes time. You are not a bad person for feeling this way.

orangepeil

I was just talking to my husband about this last night. I mourn for the last weeks of my pregnancy. I mourn that I didn't get the happy birth that I had envisioned. I mourn that the days leading up to his birth were filled with fear and sadness instead of excitement and anticipation. I mourn that I missed the first 3 weeks of his life essentially, because he was in the NICU. I'm not sure when these feelings will go away, but they're normal. Hang in there...we feel for you; we know how it feels.

 

 

hollerjeepgirl

sdtchica13:

Nikison:

lemen99:

spiteful? not really - but it bothers me when people don't appreciate what they have and take it for granted.

This. I had a FB friend that told me how lucky I was to have my baby early...I told her how lucky she was that she got to hold her baby right away and take him home within days of his birth, that she was lucky that she never had to see the inside of a NICU and didn't know what it was like to see her baby hooked up to machines. 

 

THIS and THIS! I would never wish a NICU stay on anyone, but it seriously infuriates me when I see people on the 3rd tri board who are barely 34 weeks and are whining that they are done and want to be induced early. I am a tad b!tchy on a good day, so I tend to blast those posters. About 5 months ago (right before my LO came home from the NICU), a girl who was 30 weeks posted that she didnt want to go past 34-35 weeks because she would have less baby weight to take off if she went early...she is probably still smoking from the flaming I gave her! I delivered at 29w, 6d and I would have given ANYTHING to have had a normal pregnancy and delivery, still been pregnant at my shower, and been able to take my baby home after a few days instead of stressing out for 63 days in the NICU.

OP, it is normal to feel jealous and like you got cheated, and it does get easier, but it takes time. You are not a bad person for feeling this way.

Yah I get mad b/c i have to spend my 3rd trimester on my back so I don't get to walk around showing off the belly. Just upsets me, but it has made me grow up in ways I never thought possible. Thanks though, I feel a little bit better talking about it

witt0198

Like everyone above said, I think these feelings are very normal. I just wanted to add, that for me at least, the wounds have healed a lot. Certain things still bother me for sure, but it's better. I've come to accept what's happened for the most part. I didn't like the person it was making me. Someone with less empathy than I had before. I also came to realize that the feelings I had were shared by millions around the world. Should the blind be bitter and jealous because I can see, or the crippled because I can walk, or the military mom's because I have my husband at home? The process, and the realization that my trials joined me to these other people in a way, just helped.

I think eventually most of us will find our own peace, and acceptance, but it takes time for sure. I pray that someday we all will be able to look back at our LO's births/first years, without the pain/negative feelings, and just be able to let what was be what it is. As long as we grieve and long for the experience we wanted, we will be jealous of those who get to experience it.

HUGS!

caitdana

I was just lurking tonight because I have been told it will be a miracle to make it to 32 weeks and prepare for nicu time. When I told my family that the girls would more than likely be here early december instead of february, all they could say was yay Christmas babies. I am trying to prep myself for nicu time and accept that the next few weeks of specialist, bed rest, and early delivery are going to be a hard road for us. My family does not get it, and neither do my friends with their sweet full term babies. I try to take all these struggles and bumps along the road with my faith and know there is a reason for everything and that these girls have a big plan in life. It is a comfort to know that there are others who are going through the same emotions and feelings as I am.

hollerjeepgirl

caitdana:

I was just lurking tonight because I have been told it will be a miracle to make it to 32 weeks and prepare for nicu time. When I told my family that the girls would more than likely be here early december instead of february, all they could say was yay Christmas babies. I am trying to prep myself for nicu time and accept that the next few weeks of specialist, bed rest, and early delivery are going to be a hard road for us. My family does not get it, and neither do my friends with their sweet full term babies. I try to take all these struggles and bumps along the road with my faith and know there is a reason for everything and that these girls have a big plan in life. It is a comfort to know that there are others who are going through the same emotions and feelings as I am.

 

I wish the best for you and your 2 girls though! If you ever need to complain about hospital food and bedrest I'll be around for about 9 more weeks. Just stay relaxed and don't get stressed out, that's the last thing you need. Congrats on the twins though!! That's really great, do you have names picked out yet?