Talking to H about TTC??

shellybell15

Everytime I bring up TTC for #2 H gets upsets and won't talk to me about it. He says I am pushing the issue. I have tried to explain that I don't mean I want to go get pg right that minute, I would just like to have a idea as to how long he wants to wait. Before DS was born we both agreed we wanted 2 about 2 years apart which means we would be TTC this fall or maybe the begin of '11. Well, now he is not sure he wants #2 next year, but he won't talk to me about it. Is this only my H? How would you bring up a sensitive subject w/ your H so that he would talk to, not ignore, you? I just want us to be on the same page.

2-Step

This is how my DH is/was too. I am the type that likes to plan things and think about the future a lot, so I like to talk about everything. I think he was feeling pressured to make a decision and then was worried I would hold him to it.

Finally, I completely stopped bringing it up and didn't talk about it for a few months and then one day he brought it up to me and said he thought he would be ready in early 2011, he shared with me that he was scared (as am I) about the amount of work, but that he thought we could do it. He felt like it would've be unfair to commit to it when he couldn't 100% be sure when he would be ready, which is why he didn't want to talk about it before. We made a tentative plan for early 2011, but I told him that we would also see how we both felt about it then.

I honestly think the best thing you can do is drop the topic until he is ready to talk about it. Chances are he will be ready soon, but the pressure of you asking about it may be making him close off because he feels like he has to give you a definitive answer. My DH was the exact same way with DS. I stopped asking about when we would have kids and about 2 months later he surprised me at dinner and said he was totally ready.

katypresson

I would just say something like "hey...we need to talk about when we want to TTC ....b/c if we start trying in December, I could get pregnant by January or February and would be due next Fall when LO is such and such age."  If he gets defensive explain that you both agreed on having 2 LO's about 2 years apart from the beginning.  Ask him why he's changing his mind now?  And remind him that once your KU it will still takes 9 months until you have another LO. 

DH and I want our kids close in age - about 2.5-3 years apart at most.  I would like a fall baby so we are planning to TTC in December.  Good luck! 

aniemerg

My H gets like this too. Honestly, I take advantage of times when we are out - for example, we went to a wedding a couple of weeks ago, and he had a few drinks. So I bring it up in a teasing way - "seriously, you  know I'm going to be ready for another baby soon, right? Not right away, but soon"... Granted, I'm not about to hold him to it BUT it gives me a good idea where he's at with it. 

Honestly, I think these types of decisions freak him out, so it's actually the way I got him to agree to be ready for our first child!  Not that I tricked him with it, but we decided to go ahead when we were discussing it over drinks at his brother's wedding, and we stuck to the decision!

shellybell15

Thanks for the advice. Sometimes I think he really does forget that a baby takes 9 months to cook! It is so hard to not bring it up when someone else gets preg or a family member brings it up, but I'm going to try for a while. 

With DS we were waiting until the beginning of 09 and then I started having problems with a new bc and was going to have to get something different (this was Aug). And he says what's the difference in a couple of months just go off of it and we will see what happens. So I was hoping he would be this relaxed w/ #2!!