Baby showers....

HopefulHalley10

For those who foster-adopted or are going through the process; or if you have an awesome idea:

DH and I are really starting from scratch and want to have two bedrooms set up but we'll need so much! We already reached out to ask for hand-me-down items; but most people in our family really don't understand this process.  We'll be first in the entire (including extended) family to adopt. How did you handle "baby" showers? It would be nice if we could have a shower to get many items but then again we don't know how long it'll be to find our baby.  Also going this route it will be months before the process is truly finalized and 100% so it would seem weird to have the shower when we would have had the child already for so long and at that point most likely gotten a majority of things by then. How did you or would you handle this?

KatieD2

I am wondering the same thing.  I will be interested to see what input you get!

lilmufish

We are doing fostering to adopt, which means we will continue to foster until we find our forever children.  We may consider fostering afterwards.

Like you, we are the first to foster, first to adopt.  Most of our family / extended family / friends have no idea how the process works and are very old fashioned when it comes to alot of the issues.  My maternal extended family are closet racists so we really are struggling with that aspect.  We didn't expect support, nor a baby shower.

We have two bedrooms - a baby room (crib changing table, rocker, swing, etc) and a kids room (two twin beds, dressers and toys). We had it all set up before we started fostering. We started from scratch, not too bad once we had the furniture set up. We also have a list of must haves and a list of items we'd go out and buy if we got the placement. (saved a little $$ for this).   While it can be pricy, it's important to remember that you don't want to have "too much" in your rooms because some children may be over stimulated.  We have basic rooms and the kiddos that stay with us are over joyed for "their own bed", or their own "pillow" or "new clothes"

Now, that we're fostering, we have my paternal extended family, our friends and my dh's extended family donating items we need, clothes, etc.  That's really neat to need a particular sized clothes and a few days later it arrives on your door step. We are truely blessed. 

So...I guess, this isn't much help, long story short, we didn't expect a baby shower, didn't have one, and we're still doing okay We plan on having a party once we adopt. 

HopefulHalley10

lilmufish:

We are doing fostering to adopt, which means we will continue to foster until we find our forever children.  We may consider fostering afterwards.

Like you, we are the first to foster, first to adopt.  Most of our family / extended family / friends have no idea how the process works and are very old fashioned when it comes to alot of the issues.  My maternal extended family are closet racists so we really are struggling with that aspect.  We didn't expect support, nor a baby shower.

We have two bedrooms - a baby room (crib changing table, rocker, swing, etc) and a kids room (two twin beds, dressers and toys). We had it all set up before we started fostering. We started from scratch, not too bad once we had the furniture set up. We also have a list of must haves and a list of items we'd go out and buy if we got the placement. (saved a little $$ for this).   While it can be pricy, it's important to remember that you don't want to have "too much" in your rooms because some children may be over stimulated.  We have basic rooms and the kiddos that stay with us are over joyed for "their own bed", or their own "pillow" or "new clothes"

Now, that we're fostering, we have my paternal extended family, our friends and my dh's extended family donating items we need, clothes, etc.  That's really neat to need a particular sized clothes and a few days later it arrives on your door step. We are truely blessed. 

So...I guess, this isn't much help, long story short, we didn't expect a baby shower, didn't have one, and we're still doing okay We plan on having a party once we adopt. 

 

We're hoping to have our home set up the same way; one "nursery" like room and another room with two twin size beds. I'm just struggling wishing our families would dive in on this whole thing and attempt to celebrate our choices the way they celebrate our family members who get pregnant.  When we told them we were going to adopt they were sad not happy so I've really trying to think of ways to help them participate and get closer to the idea of our child entering our family this way.  

I suppose I can't expect too much, but I do really appreciate your thoughts and experience!

kmkaull2

We had our showers after the baby was placed with us.  I didn't want a shower or celebration until parental rights were terminated.  Logistically, it was a pain as we had to buy most of our gear and supplies while we were waiting to be matched.  I did a lot of researching and shopping--we were well prepared!

 Our showers were wonderful, and we were given many sentimental gifts, books and toys.  Believe me, I appreciate the toys my son is now playing with!  You just don't get that much use out of teeny tiny cute outfits!

 For me, giving up a traditional baby shower was just something I had to get over.  In the end, our celebrations were meaningful because everyone was able to meet the baby.

jenn5-26-07

We started fostering first then later decided to fost-adopt so from that perspective:

We just got 1 bedroom set up to begin with- bunk beds, dresser, alarm clock. we already had the dresser, bunk beds were given to us, alarm clock, beding, hamper, wall hanging all from thrift store. I would prioritize what you feel needs to be new and what your willing to get second hand.  remember that kids don't need a whole lot right away- and it might be *easier* on the kids coming into your home to a sparsly finished room (potentially coming from a lesser situation...)

When we decided we were going to adopt- we knew right away what kids we would adopt (they had already been tpr'd- we'd already met them- and been choisen as the forever family) So my sister threw us a shower right after the kids moved in with us. 

When I start getting disapointed that our families arent as excited/what ever as we are I stop and remind myself- they didn't get to make this choice. Hubs and I have gone thru all the emotional crap dealing with us getting to the point we're ready to foster/adopt. Our families didn't get a say in how we bring our children into our family- so they may not be on the same page as us.  

That said I do expect (and it has been my experience) our families to accept our kids (foster or adoptive) as our/their own. dh parents were a little weary when we announced we'd be adopting and started talking about the kids, but they've met them and really love them now. I expect once you get a placement it will help your family see that its ok... So maybe hold off on things that aren't totally nessisary to see if you'll get hand-me-downs after placement (put money away just in case)?...

hope you can make sense of my ramblings... GL

marriedin2005

Thanks so much for sharing this.  We are just beginning this process and your info was much appreciated,