"All kids today are either 'special' or 'special ed.'"

Mrs.Hizzo

I heard this recently, can't remember where. The point being, no one will admit these days to having a child who is simply average. If your kid isn't gifted, it's only because he has challenges that are keeping him from it.

What do you think? True? I'm the first to admit that my kids are fairly average, but it does seem that a lot of people want so badly for their kids to be "special" in comparison to others, that they will invent a way for it to be so even if the reality is something different.

Soap1

Honestly, I think it depends on the socioeconomic status of the parents.  Parents with a higher socioeconomic status are more likely to insist that their children are gifted when they aren't.

But working with elementary and middle school kids, I'd say there are plenty of parents out there who are willing to acknowledge that their kids are smart but not above average smart.  There's a great college prep program called AVID that's aimed at these middle-of-the-road kids, because they really don't get much attention.

runnergirl2008

People can say what they want but there is an average for everything and the statistical facts are that most people (not just kids) fall in the middle. And there is nothing wrong with that. 

 That being said, most of us are good at a thing or two and average at the rest. It doesn't mean we're in the middle on everything, but some people are. And that's fine. 

I know what you're saying though. I think it's easy to get lost in that trap of "my kid is better/special/smarter/faster/cuter because...." even if they aren't. And honestly, as long as someone isn't obnoxious about it I don't really mind because it's their kid and we're all a little biased when it comes to our offspring.  

Edited for spelling 

mandyclaire579

After teaching, there is NO child that is exceptional at everything. Or even more than two areas. I think that pulling kids in school for one subject is fine. DS seems to be really great at critical thinking and problem solving, but no, he doesn't know his phonics yet. Or even more than two colors. Am I worried, as a teacher? Heck no. And I've looked up the things to look for in a more advanced toddler. "Paying attention to a tv show or computer". Stupid. I don't know a single child that wouldn't. Most of the guidelines are those that I see kids doing on here all the time.

I think that this age is far too early to be labeling a child. And pretty dangerous as well. Just my two cents.

fluffybuns

It may be bad to say, but I hope for my children to be average. Having an IEP, whether it be for Learning Support or Gifted support, doesn't come without it's challenges. I think gifted children face almost as many challenges in the world as those with learning disabilities. 

hero

fluffybuns:

It may be bad to say, but I hope for my children to be average. Having an IEP, whether it be for Learning Support or Gifted support, doesn't come without it's challenges. I think gifted children face almost as many challenges in the world as those with learning disabilities. 

I agree.

hewinked

I think DD is average at this point.  Sometimes I get wrapped up in comparing her to other kids, like she can't say as many words as others her age or she doesn't know how to count, etc.  Then I think, geez, she's not even 2.  I'm ok with her being average.  Like others have said, kids that are gifted face difficulties, just as those with learning disabilities do.  I have a friend with gifted kids and a cousin with kids with learning disabilities, and they are both forever fighting with the school systems regarding it. 

monlyn9

fluffybuns:

It may be bad to say, but I hope for my children to be average. Having an IEP, whether it be for Learning Support or Gifted support, doesn't come without it's challenges. I think gifted children face almost as many challenges in the world as those with learning disabilities. 

You don't get an IEP for being gifted.

mandyclaire579

monlyn9:

fluffybuns:

It may be bad to say, but I hope for my children to be average. Having an IEP, whether it be for Learning Support or Gifted support, doesn't come without it's challenges. I think gifted children face almost as many challenges in the world as those with learning disabilities. 

You don't get an IEP for being gifted.

I think she just meant recieving guidance other than the norm of a general education classroom, whether in the classroom or not.

Oh, and by the way everyone, all children are gifted. It is horrible to call one child "gifted" and not another. If that is the case, then all children are "Special Needs". Even those who "need" to be pulled out of a class for specialized teaching. What does it matter if your child becomes a high paid attorney if they are horrible to their wife/husband or neglect those around thm? Flame away, but after listening to callers on a talk radio show, I told DS that all I ever wanted was for him to love everyone. No matter what. There's the hippy in me.

maddiesmama09

As a child I was highly gifted in reading/language and very behind in math.  I was reciting entire books at 18 months, reading at an eighth grade level in second grade, but I was always literally the worst kid in my class when it came to math.  It got to the point where I was pulled out of class to go to an advanced reading group, and also pulled out to go to remedial math.  This was kind of a chaotic way to go through grade school, and for DD I hope she's just "average" at everything.  If being gifted in one area is going to take skill away from another, I don't think it's worth it.

monlyn9

mandyclaire579:

monlyn9:

fluffybuns:

It may be bad to say, but I hope for my children to be average. Having an IEP, whether it be for Learning Support or Gifted support, doesn't come without it's challenges. I think gifted children face almost as many challenges in the world as those with learning disabilities. 

You don't get an IEP for being gifted.

I think she just meant recieving guidance other than the norm of a general education classroom, whether in the classroom or not.

Oh, and by the way everyone, all children are gifted. It is horrible to call one child "gifted" and not another. If that is the case, then all children are "Special Needs". Even those who "need" to be pulled out of a class for specialized teaching. What does it matter if your child becomes a high paid attorney if they are horrible to their wife/husband or neglect those around thm? Flame away, but after listening to callers on a talk radio show, I told DS that all I ever wanted was for him to love everyone. No matter what. There's the hippy in me.

That probably is what she meant but I wanted to make sure that no one misunderstood the purpose of an IEP. 

TheBub

On the other end of it, I have a friend who works with special needs children and adults.  She is always trying to "diagnose" everything.  We were talking recently and I said that when I was a kid, I always had to have my clothes a certain way...only stretchy pants, shirts a certain length, socks in shoes correctly.  I have obviously grown out of it.  She insisted that I have sensory issues.  Why can't people/children just have quirks?  Lots of people do lots of goofy things.  Does everything need a diagnosis?  Is it fair to label everyone?

BTW...I am in no way trying to offend anyone who is dealing with a child with sensory issues.  I just wanted to make the point that her suggestion was a stretch.

marcinator19

fluffybuns:

It may be bad to say, but I hope for my children to be average. Having an IEP, whether it be for Learning Support or Gifted support, doesn't come without it's challenges. I think gifted children face almost as many challenges in the world as those with learning disabilities. 

 Here -here. Couldn't say it any better. Seriously - I come from a family of mensa members - and it's not exactly a life that I want for my DD. One of them is a total recluse - have you seen the show "Hoarding: Buried Alive"?, well that's one of my "gifted" relatives. None of them are "normal", intellectually, socially, etc.

I actually categorically HATE the term "gifted" b/c it doesn't really identify the real issue with these kids. In my experience being "gifted" doesn't make you more successful or more happy or whatever. What this terminology DOES do is it irritates people in general b/c OP's are right - all kids are gifted in their own way.

I just want to do the right thing for my kid. I want her to feel confident, I want her to have friends, I want her to feel like she belongs, but when a kid is asynchronous in their cognitive development - it can cause them to not "fit in" with their peers - and this is the issue that I want to avoid if at all possible...

Payne2B2008

I know this is going to come off corny but I believe all kids are special in there own way (I will now stop off my unicorn & join the real world) 

busygal

I definitely think all kids are special in their own way, but also that being "gifted" should be thought of as a kind of "special need". I wish there was a way to do a better job of meeting each child's needs at his/her own level. Montessori is great for early childhood but gets weird and $$$ in the higher age groups.

marcinator19

busygal:

I definitely think all kids are special in their own way, but also that being "gifted" should be thought of as a kind of "special need". I wish there was a way to do a better job of meeting each child's needs at his/her own level. Montessori is great for early childhood but gets weird and $$$ in the higher age groups.

 Yes! I agree - if you met my "gifted" relatives you would definitely think "special needs" is a much better term. It would've gotten them the help they needed. 

And other previous poster - I don't think you are on a unicorn - I think they are all special too!!

Mrs.Hizzo

OK, I think everyone makes very good points, but I'm not sure my original thought is clear. I agree that all kids are special in their own way. What I'm trying to convey is the need many parents seem to have for their child to be, not just special, but exceptional. My understanding is that the true definition of "gifted" involves being in the top 97th percentile or above in any given area. So, really, the majority of the kids out there in "gifted and talented" programs are not, in fact, gifted (by definition). They are just bright kids. But I'll bet if you polled a random sampling of parents and asked them if they believed their child to be (again, by definition) "gifted," you'd get somewhere around 20% saying yes, and the discrepancy is obvious. Obviously I have no research to back this up.

marcinator19

Mrs.Hizzo:

OK, I think everyone makes very good points, but I'm not sure my original thought is clear. I agree that all kids are special in their own way. What I'm trying to convey is the need many parents seem to have for their child to be, not just special, but exceptional. My understanding is that the true definition of "gifted" involves being in the top 97th percentile or above in any given area. So, really, the majority of the kids out there in "gifted and talented" programs are not, in fact, gifted (by definition). They are just bright kids. But I'll bet if you polled a random sampling of parents and asked them if they believed their child to be (again, by definition) "gifted," you'd get somewhere around 20% saying yes, and the discrepancy is obvious. Obviously I have no research to back this up.

 Makes sense - there is a lot more emphasis on it these days it seems. I didn't know it was top 3% - I do know that top 2% is mensa qualification, but not sure for GATE programs. I'd imagine it differs by area/school/state, etc?

Hopefully all this emphasis on each child's "special needs" will turn out for the best - each child will get what they need and not just the cookie-cutter school experience. 

But I totally see what you're saying.

kyra&jp

monlyn9:

fluffybuns:

It may be bad to say, but I hope for my children to be average. Having an IEP, whether it be for Learning Support or Gifted support, doesn't come without it's challenges. I think gifted children face almost as many challenges in the world as those with learning disabilities. 

You don't get an IEP for being gifted.

Yes you can! (get an IEP for being gifted, that is)

Sage Mommy

Coming from someone who went through the gifted program at school and has a DD in it right now, in the big picture, it's nothing "special." You're bored in school and get picked on for being in different classes. < 2 cents

Your child is special to you and that's what really counts.

wellfleet04

I completely agree that the word "gifted" is thrown around way too frequently.  My husband and I both have multiple degrees from Ivy League schools.  We were both in the "gifted and talented" programs at our respective schools, took AP classes, whatever.  Neither one of us is "gifted."  We're smart, but nothing extraordinary.I'm a SAHM, hardly changing the world as I wipe butts and fill sippy cups

 Because of the way genetics work, I'd expect our kids to be smarter than average, too (though if they are trying their best and are average academically that will make us proud, too.  It's about effort and reaching potential for us, not results).  So far, my 3.5 year old seems to be pretty similar to how we were as kids.  "Ahead" or "early" academically, but I certainly would not call her gifted, or parent her any differently than I'd parent any kid.  She goes to a regular play-based preschool, gets her "enrichment" from art projects and trips to the farm, and pretend play. 

She'll go to public school, and we'll expect her to succeed up to her potential.  Same for my son.  Maybe that will mean gifted and talented programs, maybe not.  Maybe they will be excellent at cooking, or sports, or empathy/social skills.  Who really knows at 18 months and 3.5 years old?  I just expose them to a lot of stuff, and as they get older we can try to help them be the best people they can.  That's no different than I'd do for an "average" child, or a "special needs" child.

Everyone seems to need a label or a dx these days, and puts it on the school system to figure out your kid's strength and provide all these resources for them.  I think both "gifted" and to some extent "special needs" are overused, and what used to just be "smart," or "quirky" or "needs a little help in math" has become a label. 

CalinsBride

Hmmm. . .I do think my kid is gifted lol. I'm not saying that he's necessarily extraordinary in any way, but of course he has a gift of some kind. We all do. We all have something to offer the world. How's that for P&R? lol

Shayna0182

In reverse,  as a toddler, my ds is special needs.  He has an form on file at daycare so he can stay in the infant room, and still needs to learn to cruise.  I believe he'll be gifted at something, one day, we just don't what.  I think he'll be mostly average, and I'm completely fine with that.  My hopes are that he do well in school, is happy, has lots of friends, and gets in to a great school.   

Just J

monlyn9:

fluffybuns:

It may be bad to say, but I hope for my children to be average. Having an IEP, whether it be for Learning Support or Gifted support, doesn't come without it's challenges. I think gifted children face almost as many challenges in the world as those with learning disabilities. 

You don't get an IEP for being gifted.

Actually, it depends on the state whether or not your child gets an IEP for gifted services.  There is no federal mandate for gifted education, so it varies.  And while all children are special in their own way, I think "gifted" is a whole different ballgame.  You are looking at their intelligence, not there special qualities.  You cannot argue that a child with an IQ of 140 has the same needs as a child with an average IQ of 110.  It's just not realistic.  Just like a child with a learning disability or below average IQ will have different needs.    

 Gifted children have lots of needs academically.  They need to be challenged so that they do not burn out and tune out school.  At the same time, they have completely different affective needs than other kids, which most of the time ends up being their biggest need.  I do not see the need to have your child labeled "gifted" because these kids have problems that they deal with just like everyone else, lots of times, very serious problems.  Gifted children are at risk for depression and suicide because of these issues.  It's so very important that these kids get the support that they need to help work through the fact that there brain is x amount of years ahead of their body.