Hanging head in shame: I spanked my DS

meghans30

Not hard, didn't leave a mark, but it got his attention. I feel so guilty about it, but at the moment I didn't know how else to reach him. It's been an AWFUL night. Both boys would not listen at all, wouldn't eat dinner, were hitting, wouldn't take a bath, etc. I am home alone EVERY weeknight; have been for 5 years and sometimes it would be so helpful to be able to walk away for a moment and have DH step in.

Anyone have any advice for me? Discipline techniques?

And I talked with DS#2 about why I did it, that I was sorry and that I loved him very much.  

JOEBunny

I am currently bribing my DD with a pillow pet.  If she is good for 28 days (4 weeks of allowance), she gets a pillow pet.  It has totally changed her behavior.  If she argues, fails to listen to the first reminder to do basic things, like put on her shoes, hurts her brother, ect.  I just say "pillow pet" and she falls into line.

It is working better than anything we have ever used.  She is on day 22 and has only lost 2 days.  We have not had a single crazy melt down, compared to having them at least 1X per day.  

May not be the greatest method, but it is one that is working.

femmegem

Been there and hated myself for it. Have you read How to Talk so Kids Will Listen? I find using the techniques in there really helps diffuse situations with DS1. I also really liked Kids Are Worth It.

femmegem

Oh, and sticker charts really go a long way with DS1. When all else fails I resort to straight-up bribery. Some days it's just about survival, not being the best parent ever. *sigh*

summerbrideDC

It is very hard for me to not spank sometimes.  I walk away.  When I get the urge to spank, the focus of discipline shifts in my mind from him to me.  It takes a LOT of discipline on my part not to spank sometimes, but its just something I feel very strongly about for my family.  

I go in my room, I tell him I can't be near him for a few minutes and I will be back to talk to him about his consequence in a few minutes. Honestly, the fact that I am so angry I can't be near him is very upsetting to Ethan and is part of the consequence in and of itself.  Also knowing that I'm in there thinking up his punishment is pretty unnerving to him & I usually get an apology the second I step out the door.  

And the time in my room gives me a few moments to calm down, let the urge to spank pass and come up with a more rational punishment.  

adri77

I am in your EXACT situation, although I've only been doing it for almost 4  years.  I'm home every day, all day with my 2 and 3 year old.  DH doesn't come home until after they are in bed.  DS1 has been tooootally pushing my buttons for the past several months.  I usually feel like a zombie by the time I put them to bed, I'm so MENTALLY and EMOTIONALLY exhausted from them, I'd take the physical exhaustion of a newborn any day over this. 

OK......last Sunda I got the book Love and Logic for kids 0-6......can I just tell you it is working miracles????  I haven't yelled at DS1 in 4 DAYS!!!!  I haven't gone that many days without yelling at him in well over  a year.  The techniques in this book are so applicable to us, so easy to implement and make so much sense.  The advice is so practical for everyday life.  I feel so empowered by this book.....I am sooooo happy, and more important, DS1 is sooooo much happier.  I highly recommend this book, as you can see!  Seriously, I was starting to look for jobs, and was pretty darned depressed about the state of my life.....until this miracle book!

adri77

And I have tried sticker charts, marble jars, "how to talk so kids will listen"  none of them clicked like Love and Logic.

ridesbuttons

Don't beat yourself up.  Some nights are like that.  House a mess, everybody getting on everybody's nerves...

I agree with the other posters.  When you get to that point of "I must swat some sense into this child" look your child right in the eye and calmly say something like "mommy is getting very angry.  mommy is going to sit by herself for a few minutes" and then walk to your bedroom and close the door.

Let them carry on like hooligans.  

Walk out when you've taken that edge off and start all over.

Also: consider hiring a mother's helper for one or two evenings a week.  Like a babysitter but you are home too.  I've got a neighbour who will be doing this for me on a regular basis as I am home alone with the kids a lot too.

Good luck.

JennJim2006

summerbrideDC:

It is very hard for me to not spank sometimes.  I walk away.  When I get the urge to spank, the focus of discipline shifts in my mind from him to me.  It takes a LOT of discipline on my part not to spank sometimes, but its just something I feel very strongly about for my family.  

I go in my room, I tell him I can't be near him for a few minutes and I will be back to talk to him about his consequence in a few minutes. Honestly, the fact that I am so angry I can't be near him is very upsetting to Ethan and is part of the consequence in and of itself.  Also knowing that I'm in there thinking up his punishment is pretty unnerving to him & I usually get an apology the second I step out the door.  

And the time in my room gives me a few moments to calm down, let the urge to spank pass and come up with a more rational punishment.  

This is what I have to do as well.  My four year old has been driving me crazy lately and will.not.listen.  I walk away and take some time for a few minutes.  I calm down and then I can talk about it with him. 

grja

I'm currently "bribing" with santa. All I have to say is "I think Santa is watching" and it IMMEDIATELY changes DS's behavior. I don't know what it is, but it works so fast I feel guilty. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to make it through the day and keep your cool.