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dont know what to do about Step-daughter...plz help(long)

BrandyD06BrandyD06 member
in Blended Families
me and my H have primary custody of my SD who is now 7. I have been in her life since she was 2-3 yrs old and i was the one to potty train her ect...so the past for five years i have been raising her she calls me mommy and acts like im her mom which makes me feel really good, however ever since she started pre-k (she is now in 2nd grade) we have had problems getting her to behave. now she doesnt act out at home or anything like that but no form of disipline works on her. I know her BM doesnt care really what she does when she is with her (she gets her on weekends thurday nights during school yr) and keeps blaming it on the school however SD has been in two different schools and different teachers and its the same problems every time and i dont know what to do. We have tried grounding her, taking away her privledges, even just talking to her about her behavior, nothing works and i just need some help and advice cause i cant do another yr where she spends most of it in ISS cause she cant quit talking,getting out of her seat, and being rude to her teacher. I thought last year may have been cause my baby died and she was upset by it too but there is no excuse this year and i dont want to see her end up in alternative. Sry this is so long im just at my wits end.
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Re: dont know what to do about Step-daughter...plz help(long)

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    Erin0922Erin0922 member
    Is there a school counselor you can meet with? Maybe have her talk to a therapist? A close family friend she might confide in?
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    fellesferiefellesferie member

    It sounds like a typical kid's reaction to inconsistent rules & discipline. How long has she been behaving this way?

    Maybe with two households, two schools, and a variety of approaches to keeping her in line, she gets mixed messages. 

    I agree that therapy sounds promising. It sounds like a difficult situation, though. Sorry!

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    BrandyD06BrandyD06 member
    i have suggested her seeing the school counselor but my H has this irrational thing against them cause his parents sent him to a regular one when he was a kid and they put him on ritteline(sp?) and he didnt need it
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    odearodear
    Your DH needs to get over his "irrational" thing against counselors and do what is best for his child.  A school counselor can't put your kid on Ritalin, and neither can a doctor without parental consent.  Your DH needs to get his head out of the sand, put his personal experience from what, 20 years ago aside, and get his DD some sort of help.
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    McNurseyMcNursey

    imageodear:
    Your DH needs to get over his "irrational" thing against counselors and do what is best for his child.  A school counselor can't put your kid on Ritalin, and neither can a doctor without parental consent.  Your DH needs to get his head out of the sand, put his personal experience from what, 20 years ago aside, and get his DD some sort of help.

    This!

    I can't imagine that she doesn't have some residual emotions left over from the loss of her sibling. I don't know how old the baby was but even if it was a still birth I can imagine the pregnancy and impending big sisterhood was something she was looking forward too. I wouldn't write it off so easily.

    Find an approach and be consistant changes don't happen over night. I've heard alot of people have had good luck with reward boards. Maybe some positive reinforcement is what she needs.

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    J&A2008J&A2008 member

    imageodear:
    Your DH needs to get over his "irrational" thing against counselors and do what is best for his child.  A school counselor can't put your kid on Ritalin, and neither can a doctor without parental consent.  Your DH needs to get his head out of the sand, put his personal experience from what, 20 years ago aside, and get his DD some sort of help.

    Yep.  This.

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
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    Merrcee11Merrcee11

    Have you tried any of the Love & Logic Magic techniques?  The school counselor should be familiar but there are a lot of books (which are pretty easy reads and inexpensive) available on the website ( https://www.loveandlogic.com/ ).  It's not a perfect system but I have a family member who is a school principal and they see great results with all kinds of kids with this approach.

    It helped me with my child - she's only three and some of the behavior has been more than intolerable.  Taking things away, time out... nothing worked.  This approach did/does 99% of the time for us.

    It's hard to have two sets of rules for young kids but know they are pretty adaptable.

     Best of luck!

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