I work FT and my kids are in daycare: What am I sacrificing? — The Bump
Working Moms

I work FT and my kids are in daycare: What am I sacrificing?

Re: I work FT and my kids are in daycare: What am I sacrificing?

  • Your childrens complete and total well being. How will they ever be able to survive without your CONSTANT mothering?

    HMMMM??? HMMMMM???

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  • You're missing out on a LOT of not great daytime TV.  Just think... Maury Povich, Judge Judy, The View, Ellen, Oprah... I mean the list is endless.

    Also, bon bons! And 3 martini lunches!!!

    Cool

     

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  • ROFLMAO!!!

  • What in terms of DS? Nothing. We have a great bond, he is extremely bright and emotionally and physically healthy. Me, I take some hits. I can't speak for anyone else but for me, 1. A clean house 2. Relaxation - ya know, vegging on the couch with a movie. I try to make time but then I either fall asleep or stress about what I should be doing. 3. Work productivity leading to career advancement. I choose to be home for dinner, bedtime and weekends. Even though dh can't be there, I think the presence of one parent during DS's waking hours is important. This cuts into time at work. I am good at what I do but I could be getting more done. 4) sleep. Edit: Sh!t. Was this a sarcastic not really to be answered question? Did I miss something?

  • image shannm:
    What in terms of DS? Nothing. We have a great bond, he is extremely bright and emotionally and physically healthy. Me, I take some hits. I can't speak for anyone else but for me, 1. A clean house 2. Relaxation - ya know, vegging on the couch with a movie. I try to make time but then I either fall asleep or stress about what I should be doing. 3. Work productivity leading to career advancement. I choose to be home for dinner, bedtime and weekends. Even though dh can't be there, I think the presence of one parent during DS's waking hours is important. This cuts into time at work. I am good at what I do but I could be getting more done. 4) sleep. Edit: Sh!t. Was this a sarcastic not really to be answered question? Did I miss something?

    Solutions!!

    1.  Hire a housekeeper!  It's surprisngly affordable, and it will change your life.

    2.  Take a PTO day once a month, and put the kiddo in daycare and just veg all day. 

    3.  No easy answer for this one, LOL.  Sorry.

    4.  Go to bed earlier Wink

     

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  • Sleep.  Sanity.  Any hope of ever having a clean house, dishes & laundry done and put away all at the same time.

    Stick out tongue

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  • Sorry - it was sarcastic. Every once in a while I get tired of hearing the  "Motherhood is a series of sacrifices" thing over and over.
    image
  • I don't know.  I decided to go to med school instead of going in the Peace Corps.  What did I sacrifice? 

    Every time you make a life decision, you are usually sacrificing something else, and being a working mom vs. at home mom is a huge decision. 

    During a recent conference I remembered what I was sacrificing by being married.  Too bad you can't be unmarried for one day :)

  • image Spenjamins:
    Sorry - it was sarcastic. Every once in a while I get tired of hearing the  "Motherhood is a series of sacrifices" thing over and over.
    yeah, I had a hunch but I needed to whine a little. One of those weeks.

  • image alli2672:

    I don't know.  I decided to go to med school instead of going in the Peace Corps.  What did I sacrifice? 

    Every time you make a life decision, you are usually sacrificing something else, and being a working mom vs. at home mom is a huge decision. 

    During a recent conference I remembered what I was sacrificing by being married.  Too bad you can't be unmarried for one day :)

    I guess I don't look at Med School vs Peace Corps as "you have to sacrifice one"... in my mind, you are just making the choice that's better for you.

    I agree that life is full of choices, but I disagree that there are always "sacrifices" to be made.  I feel no remorse that I work.  I feel no remorse that I'm married.

    Also, I would NEVER want to be unmarried for a day!  I hated dating, and I am ridiculously happy with my DH.  It freaks me out thinking about being single again, lol.

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  • Kids in daycare: I sacrifice career development because I have to pick my kids up every day (because of my hubby's job) - so probably approx $50k a year.  It is not possible in my field to develop your career as quickly unless you plan to be available to travel and work late.  These are things I won't do right now because I want that time with my kids.

    Working FT: I sacrifice free time and possibly some of my daughter's development since I don't have as much time to spend working on her exercises with her. 

    Are they worthwhile sacrifices? I think and hope they are and it seems to be working out for us.  But do I think I live in some perfect super working mom fantasy - the answer is no. 

  •  

    I guess I don't see why being a WM vs. a SAHM is a huge decision. I didn't think about it at all.  I think it gets blown up in to a big decision by some people and this idea that we should feel guilty about whatever choices we make gets perpetuated over and over.

    And while choosing med school vs. something else meant that I directed my energies in a certain direction, does it mean I sacrificed a bunch of other stuff? I get what you are saying in that doors open and doors close depending on the choices we make in life.

    But why does everyone need to be so negative?  It seems a very passive way to think about our lives.

     

     

    *

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  • image duchess0727:

    Kids in daycare: I sacrifice career development because I have to pick my kids up every day (because of my hubby's job) - so probably approx $50k a year.  It is not possible in my field to develop your career as quickly unless you plan to be available to travel and work late.  These are things I won't do right now because I want that time with my kids.

    Working FT: I sacrifice free time and possibly some of my daughter's development since I don't have as much time to spend working on her exercises with her. 

    Are they worthwhile sacrifices? I think and hope they are and it seems to be working out for us.  But do I think I live in some perfect super working mom fantasy - the answer is no. 

    Who does? I think the language we use can absolutely impact attitudes and satisfaction.  And I am suggesting that people might feel better about their lives if they used positive vs. passive or negative language.  Very basic psychology 101 stuff.
    image
  • I work FT and have 2 nannies, and don't feel like I'm sacrificing anything!  I love my son and love my evenings, weekends, and vacations with him, but I couldn't spend all day everyday with a small child, it's just not my personality.  Occasionally I take call in the evening/overnight/weekends but it's not too often and then DS and I do something extra fun afterwards.

    DS has a blast with his nannies.  One is a educational grad student who comes up with the most amazing activities that I could have never imagined.  The other is a mother herself and has been cleaning myself b/c she loves to clean and gets bored while DS naps (I still can't imagine loving to clean).  Sure I could perhaps make our lives less chaotic by SAH, but I absolutely love my job.  I love my colleagues, the work I do, the patients'.  And DH agrees that I would never be happy staying at home.  

    With the exception of DS's first few months of life when I was sleep deprived and trying to adjust to pumping, I've never lamented having to leave the house. 

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  • Apparently nothing, by your own reports.  Your life makes you happy, and that is all that matters.
  • If I were more organized, I'd like to work FT. I feel like I spend my two days "off" re-organizing things for the three days I'm in the office. And it's not a self-esteem issue; I have a great self-esteem, and also self-awareness, and I know I'm not organized. LOL.
  • image wheelenl:
    If I were more organized, I'd like to work FT. I feel like I spend my two days "off" re-organizing things for the three days I'm in the office. And it's not a self-esteem issue; I have a great self-esteem, and also self-awareness, and I know I'm not organized. LOL.
    I am the same way. I am not self-motivated enough to run my own office which is why I will never have a private practice. Even though my salary and autonomy would go up.
    image
  • image Spenjamins:
    image duchess0727:

    Kids in daycare: I sacrifice career development because I have to pick my kids up every day (because of my hubby's job) - so probably approx $50k a year.  It is not possible in my field to develop your career as quickly unless you plan to be available to travel and work late.  These are things I won't do right now because I want that time with my kids.

    Working FT: I sacrifice free time and possibly some of my daughter's development since I don't have as much time to spend working on her exercises with her. 

    Are they worthwhile sacrifices? I think and hope they are and it seems to be working out for us.  But do I think I live in some perfect super working mom fantasy - the answer is no. 

    Who does? I think the language we use can absolutely impact attitudes and satisfaction.  And I am suggesting that people might feel better about their lives if they used positive vs. passive or negative language.  Very basic psychology 101 stuff.

    Honestly I think I am a very positive person about this and I'm totally with you.  It does not do any good to become a martyr because you have to work and you don't want to.  And I do want to work - and I also want to spend time with my kids and as a result, I've made my choices. But I also don't want to invalidate the feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt that women have because they are legitimate feelings and they are real.  We shouldn't be negative all the time, but we should also acknowledge that this is challenging and that we aren't always going to get everything we want but we can know that at the end of the day, we are doing what is best for our families! 

  • Spenjies--you remind me SO much of my mom. She's awesome.

    In her office she has a sign that says something like "most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." So true (though probably not an appropriate choice for your office ;)

    I think people actually over think the decision of whether or not to have kids. I really believe I could be happy either way. Same thing with careers-you pick the best you can, do the best you can and change if you need to.

     

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  • image Spenjamins:
    image wheelenl:
    If I were more organized, I'd like to work FT. I feel like I spend my two days "off" re-organizing things for the three days I'm in the office. And it's not a self-esteem issue; I have a great self-esteem, and also self-awareness, and I know I'm not organized. LOL.
    I am the same way. I am not self-motivated enough to run my own office which is why I will never have a private practice. Even though my salary and autonomy would go up.

    You just need a kick a$$ assistant to run it for you!

    While I do think that motherhood is full of sacrifices, I think that's the case whether you work or SAH.  The sacrifices may be a bit different, but as long as whatever sacrifices you make are worth it to you, that's all that matters.

  • image The_Jen626:

    You're missing out on a LOT of not great daytime TV.  Just think... Maury Povich, Judge Judy, The View, Ellen, Oprah... I mean the list is endless.

    Also, bon bons! And 3 martini lunches!!!

    Cool

     

    haha, THIS for sure! Oh how I miss watching hours on end of daytime tv while I was on ML.

  • Doesn't everyone keep a martini shaker in their desk at work?

  • image jlthompson19:

    image Spenjamins:
    image wheelenl:
    If I were more organized, I'd like to work FT. I feel like I spend my two days "off" re-organizing things for the three days I'm in the office. And it's not a self-esteem issue; I have a great self-esteem, and also self-awareness, and I know I'm not organized. LOL.
    I am the same way. I am not self-motivated enough to run my own office which is why I will never have a private practice. Even though my salary and autonomy would go up.

    You just need a kick a$$ assistant to run it for you!

    While I do think that motherhood is full of sacrifices, I think that's the case whether you work or SAH.  The sacrifices may be a bit different, but as long as whatever sacrifices you make are worth it to you, that's all that matters.

    I need one for my life, not just work!
    image
  • image Spenjamins:
    image jlthompson19:

    image Spenjamins:
    image wheelenl:
    If I were more organized, I'd like to work FT. I feel like I spend my two days "off" re-organizing things for the three days I'm in the office. And it's not a self-esteem issue; I have a great self-esteem, and also self-awareness, and I know I'm not organized. LOL.
    I am the same way. I am not self-motivated enough to run my own office which is why I will never have a private practice. Even though my salary and autonomy would go up.

    You just need a kick a$$ assistant to run it for you!

    While I do think that motherhood is full of sacrifices, I think that's the case whether you work or SAH.  The sacrifices may be a bit different, but as long as whatever sacrifices you make are worth it to you, that's all that matters.

    I need one for my life, not just work!

    Amen! Work is easier to handle than life! 

  • image Spenjamins:

     

    I guess I don't see why being a WM vs. a SAHM is a huge decision. I didn't think about it at all.  I think it gets blown up in to a big decision by some people and this idea that we should feel guilty about whatever choices we make gets perpetuated over and over.

    And while choosing med school vs. something else meant that I directed my energies in a certain direction, does it mean I sacrificed a bunch of other stuff? I get what you are saying in that doors open and doors close depending on the choices we make in life.

    But why does everyone need to be so negative?  It seems a very passive way to think about our lives.

     

     

    *

     

    hahahahahahaha!  You are one of the most negative posters on the bump.  You think you are "supporting" working women by saying they should get over it and their feelings are not valid.  

    I think you need to get over the whole issue.  This is a working moms board.  That means that tons of women for as long as this board exists will come here looking for support because they are sad they have to work.

    Those feelings are NORMAL!  In terms of sacrificing:  Yes, there is a give and take no matter what you choose.  Why is that surprising to you?

     

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