I'm not going to lie .... — The Bump
Parenting after 35

I'm not going to lie ....

... but this is HARD!

I guess I kinda knew it would be, but man oh man!  One baby would have been hard, two is just an everyday battle.  The sleepless nights/days, the every 2-3hr feedings, the constant spit-ups, the screaming fits at all hours and pooplosions that come out of the diapers and onto the swing/comforter/crib mattress, etc.

I have to be thankful though, because Nicholas has been such a charm these past few days.  He's truly SUCH a GREAT kid.  He's not giving me any trouble, no jealousy type of attitute, nada.  He even tries to *help* in his little way....and I find him constantly looking for his little bros when he hears them crying.

There have been many nights where (i'm not kidding) my DH has found me sitting on the couch crying hysterically thinking "How are we going to do this?"  I think he thinks i've gone completely insane ... who knows maybe I have?  and I tend to wonder, would I be feeling differently if this 2nd pregnancy had been planned?

I am just begging for some sleep right now, a clean house and some adult interaction .... and as much as I hate to admit this, can we please FF to a few months from now?

No need to respond, I guess I just needed to get this off my chest and write it down so I can let go of these awful feelings i'm having right now...

image Nicholas Jacob born on 06/30/2009, 9.5lbs and 21 1/4" long Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Joshua Scott 5.3lbs & Jonathan Matthew 6.2lbs, born 08/31/10 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

Re: I'm not going to lie ....

  • Left Hug
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  • Oh my Lord!  Who could blame you ??  I think if you were feeling anything less than completely overwhelmed, you'd be a robot!  Vent away - what you're feeling is completely normal.  Hang in there and hold on to this - it won't always feel this way.  Things won't always be the way they are right now.  Brighter and saner days lie ahead.. . .I promise.  Hang in there!
  • Hugs, hugs, hugs! And: Any chance you can hire a cleaning lady? I did that when M was a month old and I was sitting on my couch every night crying (with only one!). One of the best decisions ever--even when I'm falling apart, my house is clean, and that sometimes brings me back from the edge.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I would be going insane too, maybe even more than you. I think you're handling it well, it's very tough at the beginning and you have two of those! Could you get some help so you can take a break, even for just one day? Sounds like you need some me-time and some sleep pronto, I hope things get better Left Hug
    Me: 44 DH: 42. DS born healthy at 40 weeks 8/24/09. TTC since then with no luck or ART. Surprise BFP 8/6/14... MMC @ 8 weeks 4 days... Miss you everyday sweet baby angel.
  • I cannot even imagine how hard it is for you. I am giving you a big virtual hug...hang in there.
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  • Oh honey....I get scared thinking about just one more, let alone two at the same time with a just-turned-one-year-old!  I WISH we lived so much closer - I'd come over and watch those babes for you in a hearbeat to give you a break (and provide some adult interaction as well!).  Of course you are exhausted!  I'm sure the girls on the multiples board could offer some advice - but you know the drill.  This part is temporary!  Don't worry about the house/laundry/cooking - you are in survival mode right now.  Can you or someone else prepare and freeze several meals for you (or can/does DH cook)?  If you're like me, it's hard to ask for help....I'd work myself to the bone until I would (one of my many faults).  You love your boys with all of your heart - you being exhausted and needing a break is no reflection on that.  Big, super warm and fuzzy hugs coming your way!  Wish I could do more!
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  • Oh honey, I get exhausted just thinking about dealing with 3 LO's that young. Add to that those fabulous post-partum hormone swings and I would be a total basket case.  Take help from anyone and everyone, even it is just having someone hold a baby for you for a while. Left Hug
    Laura


    BFP #1 4.20.09 Caroline 01/08/10

    BFP #2 11.6.10 m/c 11.23.10

    BFP#3 5/29/11 Landry 02.13.12

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    Caroline Noelle Jan. 8, 2010. Sharing a b-day with Daddy and Elvis.
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  • Aw... super big hugs!!!  Mommy needs her own Time Out!

    And I second the idea of hiring someone to do some cleaning for you.  It's a expense that most definitely will be worth it, for your own sanity.

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    Growing up way too fast!
  • I honestly cannot even IMAGINE!! OMG do I feel for you!

    Is there any chance some friends or family or a hired hand can help you guys out?? Even an hour a day for a quick shower alone or something?

    Hang in there!!

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  • Ah, Bea. I am so sorry you're so exhausted. Left Hug
  • Wow!  I only have one and I was going insane (expecially when DS was as young as your twins).  Hugs your way!  This too shall pass.  Perhaps you can get someone to clean the house for you...any family/friends nearby you can call upon...if they are not willing to clean...how about take you OUT or just let you SLEEP!  Good luck! 
  • Awww...I just want to jump through the computer and give you a hug!  Hang in there!!!  Thing will definitely get better!
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  • image carladillon:
    Of course you are exhausted!  I'm sure the girls on the multiples board could offer some advice - but you know the drill.  This part is temporary!  Don't worry about the house/laundry/cooking - you are in survival mode right now. 

    This exactly! I know things are different with multiples AND a toddler but just remember how everything seemed impossible the first weeks after bringing Nicholas home.  This phase will pass.

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  • I'm so sorry.  Vent away.  The only thing I can say is the sleep deprivation is a killer and will cause you to lose it.  Can you get some help so you can get more sleep?  I hope things improve soon!

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  • Awww, hugs!  Just remember a clean house does not matter at this stage, nor does a home cooked meal.. it is survival mode - make things as easy as possible!  Of course this is hard, you have three little ones that need YOU right now, but things will get better! 

     

    Boy 1 2/06 - Boy 2 12/07 - Boy 3 9/09
  • Sweetie, DH found me crying over DD in the middle of the night with just one of her.  I cannot even imagine how stressful it is with three LO.  Hang in there, and enjoy watching N be a big brother! Hugs!
    DD1 is 3, DD2 is 1.
  • Oh you poor thing! I wish I were able to help. I remember that feeling of being so overwhelmed with just one. I too would be crying right along with the babies.

    Bless little Nicholas for being a good boy for mommy. Puts a smile on my face picturing him looking around for his brothers. I really hope you can get some help even if just a couple days a week.

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  • Oh Bea~  I think about you all the time and wonder how you are doing..... I cannot even imagine how exhausted you must be.  I agree with looking for some help- for anything, cooking, cleaning, etc.  Maybe a moms group in your area or even a multiples group in your area??  Reach out to some people around you and make sure that your DH knows how much you really need some help right now.  Hang in there~~
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  • Awww Bea! I wish I was there to help you! I absolutely love that sweet Nicholas is being such a good big brother already!
  • Bea, I am so sorry!  Can you ask some ladies at your church to come help out a bit?  I wish I could be there to do it.  ((3xHUGS!))

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  • awwww, man, I did not expect such an outpouring of love!  you ladies are such wonderful human beings.

    Carla is 100% correct - I am strictly in survival mode right now, I don't even want to tell you the last time I shaved my legs, took a shower, had my toenails painted, brushed my teeth, etc (poor hubby).  It's like I make an effort to do these things but them I get sidetracked and by the time I know it, it's already bedtime!  As for DH, he is helping, much more than I expected, but then again he does have to get up at 4:30 (he does 10 hours days) and go to work, so I really don't push him that much.  But he sees that I am beyond exhausted and does the best that he can too.  My MIL is physically unable to clean, babysit, etc so she does the next best thing and provides a meal every once in a while .... which is a true blessing.  My parents went back home (for a few weeks) for some unexpected business, otherwise they would be helping a great deal.  Other than than, that's all I have.  I've pretty much been doing this solo and will for a while longer.  My GF all have their own kids and lives and i'm not going to ask them for help.  They have enough going on.

    After reading all of your wonderful posts I kinda feel bad now...People have bigger problems and here I am rambling on.  Also, I see RSD12 that has 3 of her own and she can handle it and I feel bad in that I hope I didn't scare && at all ...

    It's just stressful all around, there is other stuff that I won't mention going on as well that are only adding to my emotional state right now....but I wanted to thank you all for your wonderful thoughts and hugs.  You all mean the world to me.  thank you

    image Nicholas Jacob born on 06/30/2009, 9.5lbs and 21 1/4" long Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Joshua Scott 5.3lbs & Jonathan Matthew 6.2lbs, born 08/31/10 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  •  I think you are a rockstar!! That is a lot to have on your plate! Be easy on yourself and take one day at a time. I will be in your neighborhood in Jan - lets meet for a coffee!!!

  • image SeaGal09:

     I think you are a rockstar!! That is a lot to have on your plate! Be easy on yourself and take one day at a time. I will be in your neighborhood in Jan - lets meet for a coffee!!!

    Ohhh I would love to, just let me know when ....

    image Nicholas Jacob born on 06/30/2009, 9.5lbs and 21 1/4" long Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Joshua Scott 5.3lbs & Jonathan Matthew 6.2lbs, born 08/31/10 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image busybea:

    After reading all of your wonderful posts I kinda feel bad now...People have bigger problems and here I am rambling on.  Also, I see RSD12 that has 3 of her own and she can handle it and I feel bad in that I hope I didn't scare && at all ...

    Oh, you can't compare us ; )! You have it way worse (hee hee)!  Having two newborns at the same time & a toddler - I had 1 that could help with a bunch of stuff & 1 that was old enough to go up & down stairs by himself. Plus I eased myself into the three kids thing!  There are still days that I pull my hair out.

    Let your friends know that you need some help, I bet they are just waiting for it. 

    Boy 1 2/06 - Boy 2 12/07 - Boy 3 9/09
  • image JenniferTCU:
    Awww Bea! I wish I was there to help you! I absolutely love that sweet Nicholas is being such a good big brother already!

    Bea - You ask those friends of yours for a little help!  Yes, they have families and things going on, but making an extra dinner or coming over to give you some help will not be a bother to them, they're you're friends!  My guess is they'd be a little cranky at you for not asking.  Better yet, talk to someone who knows several in your circle and have her organize so you just make one call!

    Take care and hope you get some sleep!  I can't imagine what it's like with 3!!!  And for what it's worth, I hadn't even thought about shaving at this point when DD was home!!!! 

  • Left Hug


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    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO

  • Bea... Please call one of your friends for help. Ask if someone can come for an afternoon and give you a break. Housework be damned. Seriously... I know it feels good to have a clean house, but your rest is so much more important. Don't forget you just had MAJOR surgery. Please LET someone help if they offer. HUGE hugs to you. I know I would be fairing much worse. I had help (family) with one and was still completely stressed.

     

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  • Lurker coming out to post a response...

    It does get better. Hang in there. You will develop a routine and you will start to get sleep. If you are offered help - take it. If you need help ask for it from your family/friends. When the babies sleep you should sleep. 

    I'm not sure what your financial situation is, but if you can look into hiring help (temporary if needed) for chores, housework, yard work and such, that someone else can do for you. Free up your time for you and your family.

    Left Hugzombie hugRight Hug

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  • Bea - you are my hero! I can't even begin to imagine how hard this must be. Big hug!!! Hang in there, and if you can - get some help!
    36 marathons since 2002, 6 Boston marathons, PR 3:17 Silicon Valley 2010

    Boston Marathon 2009 at 25 weeks pregnant in 4:29




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  • ahhhhhhhh....but you are so blessed. 

    One of my friends told me some quote...forget the exact words but something to the effect of  "the days are so long but the years go by so fast."  

    Enjoy it while its here. In a few short moments you'll be dealing with battling over the car keys, college applications, and ugh....girl/boyfriends.  Your kids are gorgeous.

  • Drinks  Left Hug  <3     <3     <3
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