posted my super-sized birth story
Don't read the below portion if you want to stay positive!
Some things have surprised as I have processed what happened. I expected to be overjoyed with my experience, But days later, I feel scared and some negative thoughts.
The pain was more intense than I expected. Logically I understand why - fast labor, crazy car ride, back labor, medical issues from DD1. But I almost feel....lied to. When you read these books and they call them "pressure waves" and I watched you tubes of natural births, everyone is so serene. I was not. I was swearing, yelling, crying. I feel like I didn't do a good enough job.
I am sure with time I will gain some perspective. I am going to tlak to my doula and get a "recap" and hopefully that will make me feel better. Everyone said I did great, but the experience - while exactly what I wanted - was a bit traumatizing. It is something that I never want to do again. I wish I didn't feel like that.
Re: posted my super-sized birth story
I'm sure it's pregnancy hormones, but your birth story got me teary eyed. Whether or not you felt like you did an awesome job, your story sounds like you handled it well. It's really helpful for those of us who haven't given birth yet to know what actually happens.
I appreciate your honesty so when the time comes I'm not in complete shock thinking "No one told me it could be this bad."
You did awesome!!
Matthew Kevin
7/31/83-7/20/11
Met 1/8/00
Engaged 4/21/06
Married 9/29/07
Two beautiful legacies: Noah Matthew (2 yrs) and Chloe Marcella (8 mos)
Day Three
I'll be honest with you- the first words out of my mouth to my beautiful new son were, "You are going to be an only child." After pushing for 4 hours, I was exhausted and didn't feel that instant love that everyone talks about. I was so over labor and never wanted to experience it again. I felt the same way as you did.
Later, I watched my birth video and while my memories are of me screaming and moaning and cursing...I was actually pretty serene and the video was mostly quiet. I did moan, but I never screamed. My perception of it was worse than the reality of it.
Now- 2 1/2 yrs later, I can't wait to do it again (and I just got a BFP last night). You have the "benefit" of new mommy hormones, a touch of baby blues and fresh memories. Your memory will fade as time passes and you will look at your birth as something you treasure, something you were all-present for and something you achieved and should be proud of.
I think many of us felt the same and that is okay. Birth is hard, hard work no matter how you look at it. And it hurts (except to the rare woman). And it is okay to have feelings about it.
Congrats mama!
((hugs)) It sounds like you worked fabulously hard and did a great job. In my very limited experience with DS, it's difficult to have expectations of how things are going to be and have it turn out different. I'd give yourself time to sort out all the emotions - and I'd recommend talking to your doula or someone else who can listen and help you start to come to terms with your birth and sort out your emotions. Give yourself time and room to deal with it all - no matter how wonderfully or not-so-wonderfully birth goes, it is a huge, momentous experience that holds a lot of emotion.
Congrats on your baby girl!
And that is awesome that your DD got to see and did so well - what a fabulous way to introduce her to her baby sister and the world of birth. Very neat!
it sounds like things went pretty fast for you, and i've been warned that those labors are harder all around. as PPs said, you probably did a lot better than you think.
i'm glad you wrote very candidly about how you really felt afterwards. some stories that are all hearts & flowers & stars kinda make me suspicious. i know i'm going to be loud & i doubt i'll be anywhere near "serene" and it's nice to be reminded that's normal too. it makes me think of "the business of being born" when the midwife/doula/whatever-she-was was giving birth and she was screaming & cursing and didn't want anyone around and just wanted drugs. i imagine that will be me.
don't get down on yourself because you don't match the cookie cutter mold that some people think should be the natural birth experience. you have a beautiful baby girl now, and that's all that matters. congratulations!!!
@germanwife - congrats on the good news!!!
Hee Hee- you caught that huh? Thanks so much! It's still very early and I haven't told DH yet (he's out of the country).
Ladies - you are all awesome. This post helped me more than anything. I don't have anyone IRL that I can talk to (beyond my birthing team), so I really appreciate your words of wisdom.
Some things have been *fantastic* - Zoe has caught onto nursing no problem, she is very easy going, she doesn't freak out about burping like DD1 did! lol
Germanwife - congrats! keep us updated!
Congratulations!!!
Thanks for sharing your story, I enjoyed reading it & it sounds like you did amazing! Congrats on your natural birth & the arrival of your daughter!
oooh.... we're special! don't worry, i won't tell him & ruin the surprise!
Yes- my Nesties have ALWAYS been special to me!!!!! And shhhhhh- he might hear you over in Germany!!
Congrats on the birth of your daughter and I understand exactly how you feel. I had a very intense & painful natural birth which scared me to death lol and I remember being almost ::whispers:: angry at my baby because it was so bad...I definitely didn't feel that "as soon as the baby is born you forget the pain" crap that people tell you! So, that coupled with a very traumatic after birth experience (hospital transfer, surgery, NICU), it was MONTHS before I even considered having any more kids, let alone doing it med free!
Looking back now though, I can say without a doubt that I have never been prouder of myself, I've never felt stronger or more alive and I will definitely do it again, hopefully with a better post birth experience. I loved reading your story and I agree with pps- a lot of it has to do with horomones, baby blues, and just getting over the physical pain. Once you gain more perspective I think you'll agree that your birth story was beautiful and you did a great job!
And congrats to the newly pregnant mama
I'm a teensy weensy bit jealous...
Loss #6 2014 Loss #7 (chemical) 2014
~DS Born! 2009~
~DD Born! 2013~
A friend of mine just had her second baby, and they got to the hospital 9 minutes before he was born. I can't imagine how stressful that must have been for her and for you getting there only 20 minutes ahead of time!
I thought you sounded amazingly centered and in control of things in your birth story. I hope that some of the stress of the delivery fades in the coming weeks and that when you go back and re-read it you can see what an amazing story it is. Congratulations!!
I felt EXACTLY this way after DD was born. I felt as though I had been a huge wimp, like all my preparation was for naught, etc. I never ever wanted to do it again. I think it's normal. I personally don't appreciate birth terminology like "pressure waves" and "surges." Maybe other people have greater mind-over-matter-power than I do, but IMO, it's just misleading. Birth hurts. A lot. End of story!
In any case, you should be proud of yourself. You did it. We're all proud of you
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