What is the Division of Household/Baby Duties Like for You?

MamatoJackson

DH works full time and I an primarily a SAHM but do have a part-time job which I do after LO goes to bed.  

DS wakes up at 5a.m.  DH gets up with him and gets him changed for the day and then I get up 15 minutes or so later.  Then DH goes to the gym, takes his shower and usually fixes us breakfast while I am in charge of baby.

I spend all day with baby and he is a HORRIBLE napper so he's up pretty much all day.  When DH gets home from work, he fixes dinner, gives LO the bath and then I get LO ready for bathtime and put him to bed.  I feel like DH would rather be doing cooking and household chores than spending time with LO and after a long, long day with LO, I am SO ready for a break.  Anyone else feel like their SO avoids baby-time?  

I'm just so tired and only end up getting an hour to an hour and a half after DS goes to bed to eat dinner, relax for a bit and fold a load or two of laundry - Then it's off to bed so I can try to squeeze in 7 or 8 hours before DS wakes up.

This turned into more of a vent but just wondering how it works in other people's homes... 

Princessn678

You get more from DH then I do. DH is gone from 7:30am-5:30 pm. He will make/get dinner and thats about it. On the weekends I still do most of the work but I get a couple hours her and there.

kellialayne

DH is a SAHD.  He gets up w/ DD in the middle of the night, but I get up too especially if she is being difficult.  He gets her up and feeds her in the morning and takes care of her all day.  They come see me at lunch so I get to see her for an hour then.  He goes to the gym w/ her so he gets a break at least during the day.  Then I come home and take over completely w/ her.  I play w/ her, do dinner, bath, bottle and bed time.  He pretty much does all the household chores - laundry, cleaning, dishes, and cooks most nights.  Im pretty lucky in that department.  Especially since once DD goes to bed I get "me" time and dont really have to worry about doing stuff around the house (I sometimes have to work).  I also do everything with her on the weekends so he gets a break for the most part 2 days a week.

MCC1010

Dh works full time and I am a SAHM. He helps out with Matthew as much as he can. As soon as DH is home he takes over so I can get some free time. He gives Matthew a bath every night, gets him ready for bed and helps care for him overall. I handle all the household chores but our place is small. Really small so it doesn't take a lot of time. I would probably feel differently about him helping if our place was bigger or if I worked part time.

How are you feeling overall? Have they checked your iron levels? When I was pregnant I felt I was dying until I started taking iron pills.

Jennicap

I work full time and DH works full time. I also take 3 classes, 1 is M&W in the morning and the other 2 are on Saturday. DH works first and I work second. We have a babysitter come for my class during the week and on DH's late days. As for household chores, DH is wary about washing G's diapers but will put them out on the line and take them in. He'll do laundry but only if I ask. But he picks up and cleans just as much as I do. He does not make us dinner, if I don't get around to making something he'll eat a hotdog. I wish he would make dinner once in a while but whatever. He does all yard work as in mowing/snowblowing etc but I work the gardens. We both have things we hate to do and the other doesn't mind it so it works out well.

ScissorTailedFlycatcher

I do 99.9% of baby, cleaning, and cooking.

DH does laundry, he works, and gives me "tips" on how I can clean better.

DH changed a diaper the other day (a pee diaper) and I almost fell to the floor in shock. I bet it was the first one he changed in almost 8 months.

lulupinkerton

I do 99.9% of baby, cleaning and cooking.  DH works full-time, takes care of bills, yard and vehicles.  DH works until midnight, so all nighttime routines and early wake-ups fall on me.

Sometimes, it is too much!  I have started to hand DD to him if he is just watching football on the couch (weekends).

This is the #1 reason that we are either one and done or waiting till Eleanor is in school to have another.

Edit to answer question:

So, YES, I do feel like he avoids "baby-time", but from listening to you it seems normal. I don't know if it is actually "avoiding", but he is definitely not as attentive as I am.  

We haven't been on a date since Ellie arrived.  We have one planned for Friday and I think that it will help.  Sometimes I feel like he is just the guy that pays the bills.  I am ready to have my husband back.

usornothing

I do pretty much everything. I work part time and DH works full time (50+ hours a week). I do all the cleaning, most of the cooking and baby duties. He gets home at 8:30 pm so Lo is either asleep already or ready for bed. His day off is Wed so he has baby duty then. And he does help cook maybe once a week, so I do get a litte help.

cma1989

This one is easy. It is me everything, H nothing. He works 50 hours a week, I work 10 and take four classes online. Yet I still do everything. The only time he will do something is if it falls during those ten hours I'm not around.

It is a problem and it is taking its toll on me and our relationship. I am not happy with him at all at the moment.

Temp36641187503164

DH works Tuesday - Saturday and his set hours are 4pm - 1am, but he ends up working about 60 hours a week. He wakes up with DS every morning to feed him and plays with him for an hour before going back to sleep for about an hour. If he doesn't do that, he doesn't get to spend time with him during the day. On the weekends we are both on baby duty but don't keep track of who does more.

I do most of the cooking and laundry but we split the rest of the cleaning.

I expect DH to help when he's at home and 99% of the time I don't have to ask.

Hot Sauce on a Stick

We both work FT.

I will go back to school FT also at the end of November.

DH doesn't take the initiative very often, but I'm getting better at asking him, "Hey, can you clean up the kitchen before I get home?" or "Hey, can yousort the laundry for me?" or "I need to get A, B, and C done tonight, what can you help with?"

He does side work (auto upholstry) in his free time so a lot of the time he's doing that but, when I have school (I take online classes so I do it at home) he takes about 75% of the baby/kid duty.

Hip2Bsquare

I pick 1 to 2 days a week and clean.I do have to do some daily maintenance stuff like diapers and dishes and dinner. My house isn't spotless but I it's really difficult to get it spotless when you have 2 dogs. I refuse to go insane over it. I have places to go just about every day so I pick the least busy days and try to clean.

When DD cries or wakes up at night DH gets up and brings her to me and I usually end up needing to feed her. In the morning if he has time he will change her first diaper but that is about it. I take her from there.

When DH gets home he takes S from me to give me a break...he usually does all the night stuff like bathing, feeding her (cereal and bottle of BM), getting her ready for bed and putting her down.

On the weekends we have tons of stuff to do. like hikes, church, day trips, football games etc. So we take turns and share in the work but in general we have family time and it isn't spent at home...thus much doesn't get done on the weekends. Monday and Tuesday are big cleaning days etc. 

Que*Syrah

He cooks and bathes DS on his 2 nights off. Oh, he also deals with the trash, yard, and cars.

Que*Syrah

And at least you get sleep! DS is EBF so I have to get up with him at night (and DH doesn't even get home until 3am). I haven't had more than 4 hours of consecutive sleep since the 2nd trimester.

lulupinkerton

Que_Syrah:

And at least you get sleep! DS is EBF so I have to get up with him at night (and DH doesn't even get home until 3am). I haven't had more than 4 hours of consecutive sleep since the 2nd trimester.

I feel ya. 

RickeyandDani

Princessn678:

You get more from DH then I do. DH is gone from 7:30am-5:30 pm. He will make/get dinner and thats about it. On the weekends I still do most of the work but I get a couple hours her and there.

About ditto on this. I get up extra early at 6am to get DS ready for daycare. Take him to daycare, work until 6pm. Got get DS after work. DH cooks and I do all the cleaning. One the weekend, I do most of hte cleaning/laundry. He lets me sleep in on Sundays and watches DS.

jkylie

Ugh, after reading most of these posts makes me realize that my husband isn't the only useless one!!

DH usually keeps LO one day a week on his day off. We both work FT. Days that LO goes to DC, DH usually changes the first diaper of the day. I take LO to DC and pick up EVERY.SINGLE. DAY. 

When i get home if DH is off (random schedule) he is starting dinner. We eat as a family and I let DH choose....clean kitchen and pick up or bath baby and get ready for bed. He ALWAYS chooses bathing baby (however always half a$$ done bc he never cleans up the bathroom).

Then i feed baby after bath and kitchen duties and we switch off on who actually puts her down kinda depending on who has spent less time with her that day. Then i clean parts and bottles (he has never ever touched these things).

I do 100% of cleaning, 100% of laundry. DH does trash (big effing deal!)

 

lmpdjc

This is an interesting post. 

My H works FT, 5 days a week from 7:30 a.m-6:30 p.m. (sometimes later).  I work PT, 2-3 days a week from 8:30-5:30/6:00.  Dylan usually STTN, but if he happens to wake up for some reason, H gets up and feeds/changes/puts him back down.  The baby usually wakes up between 5-6 a.m. and H gets him, changes him and feeds him and lets me sleep until about 6:45 a.m.  (I have MS and I have to get decent sleep or I suffer from symptoms and a possible relapse.)  I do almost all baths, I think H has bathed him 3 times in 6 months.  If I'm home with Dylan all day, H tries to give me a break when he gets home.  H does all outdoor work and the occasional load of laundry.  We are pretty evenly split on who cooks/picks up dinner.  H rocks the baby to sleep almost every night, which is sweet because he doesn't even like or want to be rocked anymore, H just loves it so he forces him! lol

I do the majority of the cleaning, but if H has a day off he'll usually get something done around the house.

It looks like I am a pretty lucky woman!

MamatoJackson

Thanks for all of the replies - This tells me a couple of things - A) McMoo - I hadn't even thought about possibly being iron deficient.  I am so tired all of the time and I had a C-Section so I'm sure that I'm anemic.  I'll pick up some iron supplements.

 I like the idea of DH taking over with baby (and giving me a break) so that I can just have some baby-free time to cook, clean up... breathe.  Great idea. 

Luv-a-Bug

shortyred919:

I do 99.9% of baby, cleaning, and cooking.

DH does laundry, he works, and gives me "tips" on how I can clean better.

DH changed a diaper the other day (a pee diaper) and I almost fell to the floor in shock. I bet it was the first one he changed in almost 8 months.

This, except I do laundry too.

DH mows the grass and goes to work-- he does most of the fix-it jobs around the house... Occasionally he'll get the cleaning bug up his arse and rip the whole house apart to organize the stuff that I don't get to on a daily basis (and often reminds me that he's told me said projects needed doing months ago)  :P