New to the board & Ques about telling

slprice79

Hello! Im pretty new to the bump and just came across this board and am excited about getting some advice, opinions on blended families. I am almost 11 weeks pregnant, and married to DH who has a 10 yr old son. SS lives 10 hours away from us and we see him about once a month, sometimes more.

My first question is about telling SS that I am expecting. We will be seeing him Halloween weekend (I'll be about 15 weeks) and plan on telling him then. My question is do we call BM and tell her so that she knows before we send SS back to her and he blindsides her with the info or is it going to seem hurtful to come from DH if he calls her and gives her a heads up? I think it may be somewhat hard on her and I dont want to make the situation worse for her. Any tips or advice? TIA!

J&A2008

If your relationship with BM is good, I'd have DH tell her.  I think big news should come from DH, not SS.  BM might not like it, but she should appreciate his attempt to communicate info that is significant to SS.  He can tell her closer to the time of the trip, and even ask to let him tell SS directly.

slprice79

Thanks! The relationship is not good, but Im still leaning towards having DH call her and tell her himself. I just dont think its fair to have to hear it from her child and not be prepared for a response.

Phantomgirl

Personally I am a fan of telling the other parent so that they are prepared to answer any questions the child might have when they return home.

If the child tells them they may be blindsided as you say.  

I would tell SS when he gets to your house and then have DH call BM before he returns home.  

Congratulations. 

fellesferie

The How-Not-to-Suck-as-A-Divorced-Parent Class says you should never use the kid to deliver messages.

So I think that unless you have a cute/inventive idea and a good relationship with the mom, your H should tell her.

When I told exH that I was pregnant with DD, I tried to frame it in a way that was relevant to him. I said I was pregnant, when I was due, and explained that I wouldn't be able to travel more than 1 hour for pickups/dropoffs after I was 35 weeks, and that I wanted to make sure DS was there around the time she was born.