Working Moms

Is it really worth it? Sorry long...

I really don't know who to talk about this with other than DH (who says I should quit). I have loved my job (I'm an architect 2 exams away from getting my registration) and I have never wanted to be anything else growing up. However, after DS came into the picture I am finding it hard to get home and get 2 hours with him before he goes to bed. Right now I have a 45 minute commute and I get home, play a bit, feed him, we eat, he gets a bath, play for like 30 more minutes and he's ready for bed. Everything feels so rushed. And working part time is not an option here, thought that would be IDEAL! I do still love this, but I'm loving it less (some issues with PTO I won't go into). And basically the higher I climb, the more work I have and I see some of the people here, they live here. When DS goes into preschool and elementary school I will have to be the one there for him (or them by that time) since DH can't just leave early and is on call several days out of the month.

Well I just checked our bank account and DH's paycheck landed and it's for more than my whole year's salary. Which brings me back to my question, of is it really worth it?? I would love to get more serious about photography and I think I would love being an architectural photographer. And I'd also love to work out more (I'm a spinning instructor). But on the other hand I have great friends here, but we all know how that goes when you leave a place that you live far from...

 Please don't flame me for the $ part, I'm not trying to be like that and I realize that a lot of moms work because they have to and all that. I don't want to talk to my friends for that reason. I don't know who to really talk to without coming off like that. Anyone have any advice?

Re: Is it really worth it? Sorry long...

  • I think most working moms experience your feelings about wanting to spend more time with your baby.  You need to think about several years into the future before making your decision.  This is less about money than it is about making yourself feel complete.  Do you think you will be satisfied being a stay at home mom?  In a few years, your kid(s) will want to spend time with their friends after school and not just with you.  Can you leave your job for a few years and then re-enter the workforce?  If part-time isn't an option in your current office, can you possibly find another office with that option?  Maybe even one with a shorter commute?

  • I can't tell you if it's worth it for you or not, but I can tell you that you are not alone.   I am going through something very similar.  I recently ended up taking an (at least 2 year) leave of absence from my fellowship following residency, and found a moonlighting job a few hours a week.  I am going to try the SAH thing for a while and see how it works out.

    Have you read the book "Opting out?"  The author describes interviews with 50+ professional women turned SAHM's.  They all went through something very similar to what I am (and it sounds like you too).  She describes multiple things that led to quitting including marrying professional men and deferring to their career, the advent of high intensity parenting, and inflexibility in even "family friendly" workplaces.  

     

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  • I agree, don't look at just the "now", but also at the future. Where do you want to be in 5 years, 10 years time? What will help you get there? Can you leave now and come back, or do you need to finish the registration to get anywhere? Is this what you ultimately want to be doing, or do you want to go down a different path (photography)? You are lucky you have the choice, so you can really think about what will make you happiest, finances aside. The money is what gives you the option, it's not the reason for any of your decisions. Think about what you want ultimately, and everything else will work out accordingly.

  • imageBuffy2010:

    I think most working moms experience your feelings about wanting to spend more time with your baby.  You need to think about several years into the future before making your decision.  This is less about money than it is about making yourself feel complete.  Do you think you will be satisfied being a stay at home mom?  In a few years, your kid(s) will want to spend time with their friends after school and not just with you.  Can you leave your job for a few years and then re-enter the workforce?  If part-time isn't an option in your current office, can you possibly find another office with that option?  Maybe even one with a shorter commute?

    Took the words right out of my mouth.   

  • Thanks ladies. The toughest part I think is that I'm doing what I have always wanted to, however I think my priorities are changing. I know from being at home for 3 months I couldn't be a true SAHM, I'd go crazy. I'd love to be a part time at home mom though :) I think if I left the profession completely, it would be hard to get back in "the game" later on. I may try and be a "hire when you need help" kind of consultant... I don't know!
  • I would definitely see your exams through until you are registered.  My dad is an architect and besides his 'real' job he also did side work and really enjoyed that.  I def think you could do that.  I would also think you could hook up with contractors and get work from them.  Then you could decide what work you wanted to take.  I say give it a little bit of time before making any drastic decisions so you are able to know what you truly want.  GL to you...it is sooo hard when what we have always found important suddenly doesn't seem so important anymore!
  • I would wait it out, get your licenses, and then make a decision.

    I personally could never SAH.  Actually, I could, if I could still do full time daycare, and shop and eat lunch with my girlfriends every day, and just volunteer a bunch to keep me busy.

    I think most of us feel like how you're feeling, every once in a while.  I know I do!  It's normal to miss your kid and wish for more time with them.  I work 4 days a week and it's a great balance for me.

    Also, what does your DH do?  My DH makes awesome money too, but either your salary reallllyy sucks, or he is making bank.  Was his 2 week paycheck more than your salary?  Or a monthly check?  I'm just trying to do some basic math here, and coming up with crazy numbers.  Lol.

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • for me, it probably wouldn't be worth it for me to work at a job like that.  Not saying I would SAH, but I would probably start looking elsewhere or leverage my experience into a different career that was more family friendly.  For me, being a WOHM only works b/c I have flexibility and work close to home.  DH just got a new job further away from home with less flexibility and more travel and I think it will change things for us.  For me, it's all about balance.  When things get out of balance, we make changes to keep them in balance. 

    At the same time, I'm glad that I put some time in while my kids were young so that I can scale back a little as they get older.  When they were little, the flexibility was for me.  As they get older, I need the flexibility for them.  They notice I'm gone now and they need me at home more for things like home work, activities, projects, etc.  So, whatever decision you make, you should take the future into consideration too.

    DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12
  • imageThe_Jen626:

    I would wait it out, get your licenses, and then make a decision.

    I personally could never SAH.  Actually, I could, if I could still do full time daycare, and shop and eat lunch with my girlfriends every day, and just volunteer a bunch to keep me busy.

    I think most of us feel like how you're feeling, every once in a while.  I know I do!  It's normal to miss your kid and wish for more time with them.  I work 4 days a week and it's a great balance for me.

    Also, what does your DH do?  My DH makes awesome money too, but either your salary reallllyy sucks, or he is making bank.  Was his 2 week paycheck more than your salary?  Or a monthly check?  I'm just trying to do some basic math here, and coming up with crazy numbers.  Lol.

    I swear you are my long-lost twin sometimes..........
    image
  • I am almost in the exact same boat.  I too am in my dream job, two exams away from being a licensed architect and a little frustrated with where my career is, but for me it is definitely about the money (architects don't make crap). But, I am lucky that my office is flexible.  I work 4-10 hour days to make our family/ daycare schedule work.  I have been thinking for some time now about changing careers. 

    I plan on finishing my exams (I am schedule to take one in a month) and getting my license.  Then, I hope to start educating myself on some other personal interest to see if I have what it takes to make the change. 

    I would highly suggest that you finish your licensing, especially with the new rules for completion in place.  Then, I would say give yourself the opportunities to try some other things.  I know it is really hard to not move on now, I think about it constantly.  For me the license is just something I need to do, even if I never use it.  I would never want the "what if" in my mind.

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  • I definitely intend on getting my license. No way I can't do that I'm so close! And I will always have it too that way. I'd love to maybe come back some day and/or be able to do design on the side.

     

    And The_Jen626...no it wasn't his 2 week paycheck lol. But he is a partner in his anesthesia group...it's not Neuro surgion $ but we'd be fine without my salary.

  • Only you can answer that. Like some other WMs on here, I don't do it for the money. I could never SAH full time, as much as I love my kids.

    There's a working mom book out there that says in effect: If you want to move back into the fast lane, that's much easier to do from the slow lane than from the onramp.

    For me, I am not doing a job that maximizes my full capabilities right now, because I don't want the stress. But I do love my job, love my coworkers, love my day care situation. 

    And I'm also looking ahead: I don't want to be one of those moms (I've actually had a few say this to me) who sees their child go off to college and then say, "Johnny is gone. I don't know what to do with myself."

     

  • Sorry, it double posted and won't let me delete!

     

  • imageKristin131:

    I definitely intend on getting my license. No way I can't do that I'm so close! And I will always have it too that way. I'd love to maybe come back some day and/or be able to do design on the side.

     

    And The_Jen626...no it wasn't his 2 week paycheck lol. But he is a partner in his anesthesia group...it's not Neuro surgion $ but we'd be fine without my salary.

    Aah that makes sense!

    Honestly, if i were in your shoes, I would really try to find a part time option.  You never know until you ask!  From reading your post, it sounds like that would work well for you.

    A lot of us (on this board and my friends IRL) don't "need" our salaries, we would have a just fine lifestyle if I SAH.  I don't work for the money I make.  Sure, the paycheck is nice, but I work because I really like my job, I have great perks (free concert and sports tix), and I love the adult interaction.

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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