Am i being unreasonable?

Jllacombe

So I am having another baby shower. Yes, i said ANOTHER. My first pregnancy my mother threw me a shower and the father wasnt (and still isnt) involved so I had no problem having an all women shower. Its the typical and I was able to make some choices like the invites, the place, the cake, etc. I had an "its a boy" shower.

Now I am have a little girl, and am married and this time my husbands mother is the one throwing the showering seeing its her first grandchild, my hubby is her only son, and because my husband is one of the last ones to start a family so its importnant to her so im totally physced about having another shower! However, she wants to have an all women shower just like we did at my last one, and I really wanted my husband with me this time around. It means alot to me for him to be there for a few specific reasons. The first one being, itd be nice to share it with him since he has mentioned hed like to be there to open gifts with me (however, he just goes with the flow, if his mom says girls only, he just obliges haha), the 2nd reason being due to the fact i had absolutely NO contribution and help with my sons father it makes me kinda sad that I will, again, be going through a special moment alone, just me.

I know this seems quite silly and I want to know if I am out of line when wanting to ask my motherinlaw if he can stay for at least the opening of the gifts? But i also dont want to spoil her ideas and plans for the shower either.  I mentioned it to my mom, and she said its a baby shower, especially a girl baby shower, why would he go? thats silly. He should be spending the day with his dad...i told her i just wanted him to be there n she says its not the greatest of reasons...so idk. What should I do? Do u think I should just go with the flow, not fret about it and just go through all the stuff later with my hubby, or try to push more to have him be there during the shower? Any advice u all have would be great! Thanks

EastCoastBride

I don't think it's a big deal for men to be at showers.  Especially if they WANT to be there.  But at the same time, to many women, showers are "women only" events- just based on tradition. 

I don't think either of you are wrong in your feelings.  All I can suggest is you both talk to her again, perhaps suggest she ask other women to see that this isn't such a crazy thing, and see if she'll come around.

But I will say - I feel you're reading too much into this. My DH didn't come to my shower, doesn't like going to showers, but he's one of the most involved dads you could ask for.  I don't think your DH being at the shower or not isn't a symbol of anything.   In the end, a shower is primarily a gift giving event.  I just don't put much more importance on it than that. 

mhazel1204

I think "all women" showers of any kind are kind of out dated. We had  a co-ed bridal and baby shower. It was a great opportunity for us to spend time with people we hadn't seen in a long time. A lot of people travel for these events and I think it would be crappy to not see both of us. Both events were a huge hit and I'm so glad he was a part of it. Also, they weren't "traditional" by any means, they were luncheons with beer and wine, no games. I'm not a girly girl so our hosts knew not to make them frilly and feminine where men would feel out of place. If you want your dh there and he wants to be there then by all means he should be.

lovemytannerman

mhazel1204:

I think "all women" showers of any kind are kind of out dated. We had  a co-ed bridal and baby shower. It was a great opportunity for us to spend time with people we hadn't seen in a long time. A lot of people travel for these events and I think it would be crappy to not see both of us. Both events were a huge hit and I'm so glad he was a part of it. Also, they weren't "traditional" by any means, they were luncheons with beer and wine, no games. I'm not a girly girl so our hosts knew not to make them frilly and feminine where men would feel out of place. If you want your dh there and he wants to be there then by all means he should be.

This.

I'm also having a second shower. My son will be almost 8 when this baby is due. My husband wanted to be involved and I wanted to include my son. He has special needs and I want him to be a part in everything that is going on. My 2 friends are throwing us a co-ed party (shower) mostly just hanging out and being with friends, no games. If you would like your husband to be a part of the festivities, I think your MIL needs to respect your wishes.

deltagirl79

Have you talked to MIL about having DH come half way through or a little later? That way he can be there for the presents, and to say hi to people but she can still do girly games (if she wants) and you can have chit chat time that is girls only. Since she is hosting though, if she is really not comfortable with it then you need to respect her wishes or kindly decline her offer of a shower.

I do agree with ECB though that weather or not he's there is not going to be relevant to what kind of father he is. From what you say in this post, it already sounds like he will be a great dad, shower or no.

jessiesnwbrd

I think it's nice for the father to show up later in the shower, maybe during gifts...but really afterwards. That way he is there to thank everyone, have some cake and help with getting the gifts in the car.
I'd mention it to your MIL, but if she like to keep it all women, then just go with the flow and enjoy. I know that DH isn't coming to mine, but I don't think he'd want to anyhow.

Mrs. Chip

I guess I am just a traditional kind of girl....I love women only showers and would think it was a little odd to have your dh at the entire event.  I think it is more accepted that he show up at the end for cake and to pack the car. 

Jllacombe

Thanks every1 for all your advice and opinions! Im happy to know I am not the only one who feels this way, however I do agree with a lot of you when u say its her shower and shes planning it which is y ive been feeling so unsure. Im going to talk to her about him coming to the shower later when we do gifts and if shed rather it just be the girls opening, then I will definitely let her know Id like him to come at the end just say hi to everyone and all that stuff. He definitely is an involved dad to be, but he also respects his mom and only wants to do what she is planning and doesnt wanna ruin it. Hes told me not to worry about it and whether or not hes there we will enjoy the gifts later together. So thanks again everyone and im sure watever the outcome itll be a great shower!