Blended Families

Worried husband will play favorites

I'm wondering if anyone is in a similar situation. My husband and I have only been together for 2 years (married for about half a year). I have a 6 year old daughter from my first marriage (her dad totally out of the picture), and am 11 weeks pregnant with my husband's child. My daughter and husband get along alright, but I'm worried once the baby comes he will treat the two totally differently. I'm not sure I will handle that okay.... has anyone been through this/ going through this/ will be going through this??

Re: Worried husband will play favorites

  • have you talked to him about this?

  • My DS turned 5 a few days after DD was born. I guess I was a little worried that DH would show some strong preference for his biological child.

    I think what you have to keep in mind is that the new child will be a baby--everyone falls a little in love with a baby at first. 

    I also think that if you want to be 100% honest with yourself it would be both normal and expected that he might feel a stronger bond with the baby than with your DD. But I think you should also have an expectation that he would treat the kids equally--at least as equally as you can treat a baby and an older child.

    If it really bothers you, why not talk to him about it? Frame it in a way that expresses your concern that your DD will feel a little left out, and let your H reassure you.

    A few months after DD was born, I talked a little with my H about this. I told him I thought he was a great dad to both our kids, and I asked if he felt a stronger bond with our daughter. He said that he didn't really, and that he felt the same love for both our kids. 

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  • You need to talk to your DH about this NOW.   I won't lie, you can have a stronger bond with your bio child, but for me that is more about how long you have been in the picture and how much actual interacton you have with the child.

    But the best way to actually TREAT these kids the same is to have a set of concrete rules / expectations / punishments & consequences now.  And as your DD grows up, you can add any new ones to the list.  That way you know how you are going to at least TRY to parent your new LO.

    I say try, because you will always use different approaches with different kids.  What punishments worked on SD did not work on SS and neither will work on DD. 

    But the expectations and rules must always be the same and the severity of the punishments should always be equal.

    It is not what you feel inside, but how you act toward them that matters.

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  • Thanks for the advice, ladies. It was really helpful. You're all right, I need to just sit and talk with him heart to heart. 

    Thanks again. 

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