Dinner time negotiating?

Kellina71

Does anyone else bargain w/ their kids at dinner time?  I feel like it is a bad habit, but I grew up w/ something simialar, so not sure how else to get C to try new things.  Any tips on other ways to get him to try new things or to eat more besides just fruit/ cookies?

Example:  You need to eat three more bites of chicken before you get more strawberries.  You need to finish your peas before you can have a cookie.... etc.

jbrooke81

Chase does not eat large amounts at meals, so he needs snacks about 3 times/day. We tell him that if he doesn't he what we have put on his plate (we are sensitive when we serve his food not to give him too much) he will not get a snack after dinner. We tell him he can finish the food from dinner if he is still hungry, but he will not get anything else until he eats the dinner food. This usually does the trick for him

I don't really have a problem with bargaining. I look at it more like rewarding

futrkingsley

I try really really hard (and sometimes fail) not to engage in any sort of food pressure with DS.  My goal in that area is to follow the advice of Ellyn Satter in Child of Mine: feeding with love and good sense.

For breakfast, I offer to options acceptable to me, serve it and hope he eats it.  The only day we hassle is the day his speech therapist comes because I really need him to eat in a set amount of time so he's not cranky.  For lunch we serve and he eats or doesn't eat, no negotiation.

For dinner, DH and I decide what we want and if it is something we know he is unlikely to eat for whatever reason (texture, spice, etc), we make him a similar meal that we know he does like.  So when we had chili, which we knew he wouldn't like, we served him a tiny portion, and then served him meatballs with the same sides we were eating.  We do not make him eat anything, though we suggest he try it and relate it to things he does like.  He is allowed to ask and recieve seconds of anything we put on his plate.  And he can get down when we are all finished eating.

He's a bird like eater and rarely asks for food after dinner so there is no issue of snacks/dessert being withheld for not eating dinner.

 

 

Celyn

I think negotiation is somewhat required for kids and foods.  They naturally do not want to try new things because their instincts are to stick with what they know is safe.  We allow post-dinner snacks, but they have to have an adequate dinner before snacks are allowed (and we keep the post-dinner snacks limited to healthy choices -- fruit, cheese, homemade yogurt).  When I was growing up, fruit was generally what we had for dessert unless it was a holiday/birthday, so I'm just following my mom on this one.

2bearichards

I don't have any advice because we do the same thing. 

dirtbikemom

Kellina71:

Example:  You need to eat three more bites of chicken before you get more strawberries.  You need to finish your peas before you can have a cookie.... etc.

This is how Sara's behaviorist told us to introduce new foods or try to get her to taste/eat and try food.  

amyfelice

My mom did this and I never thought it was horrible or torture, because she only gave me a few peas, and I didn't have too much trouble choking them down. I remember HATING peas with a passion and eating them just so I could get my cookie. Now I love them, so strange. 

lms_bride

I don't really think that is bargaining.  Or if it is, I don't think there's anything wrong with it.  We use things that our son wants to get what we want, all the time.  ie, Tyler, do you want to go play outside?  Ok, then you need to lay down so I can change your diaper.  I don't know if this is considered "ok" but it works and we aren't threatening him with negative consequences. 

When it comes to meals, we provide him with what we think is acceptable.  If he chooses not to eat it, then he's not going to eat.  We do try to get him to take bites of everything to at least try it and have had our share of battles just accomplishing that.  We are not 100% consistent but we try to have the same rules at meals every time.

 

dblhappiness

We just do the 'First, Then' approach to all meals (even made a card w/pictures to help them along). And sometimes I have to put the one piece of meat/veggie/fruit on the 'First' position and then give them their favored food on the 'then' card. It can be a pain, but it works and I don't get so much yelling and running from the table anymore. I also do what others mentioned in giving a preferred item of choice along with something non-preferred. I've learned to be happy if they will eat one single pea or a nibble of anything during the course of all this. 

Kellina71

futrkingsley:

I try really really hard (and sometimes fail) not to engage in any sort of food pressure with DS.  My goal in that area is to follow the advice of Ellyn Satter in Child of Mine: feeding with love and good sense

I have heard some things about Satter's theories, but I have not read this book. I could be wrong, but I seem to recall that she suggests putting a portion of all foods (including fruit - i.e. dessert) on the plate at the beginning of dinner.  And to let the child have more of anything s/he wants.  Is that correct?  For some reason I thought there was also a theory that we should not use some food as rewards, b/c then the kids realize- "oh- dessert must be better than the rest of the food, since it is the reward."  Like the fact that amyfelice didn't like peas for years- as it was only the means to the reward, not s'thing to be enjoyed.  Maybe I am totally off.  I guess that I why I am feeling guilty about the "negotiating" or "rewarding".  But- it sounds like behaviorists and pediatricians, etc. are okay w/ the rewarding.... I think I won't stress so much about it.  It just feels a little wrong.