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1st Trimester
My husband has a really big mouth.....why was I not asked first???
Im really irritated! We found out we are expecting again...were really excited so we told both our families. Our last pregnancy was a c-section and my mom and hubby were in the room. So my MIL asked if she could be in the room this time and watch the baby be delivered. WITH OUT asking me, he said YES! Let me say, my MIL and I really dont get along, she has done many cruel and hurtful things to me. I told my hubby that I honestly didnt want her in there. I said having a c-section is a scary process....being numb, not being able to see whats going on, worring about my baby and myself! I told him I really want the 2 people in this world that make me feel safe and sucure in there and thats him and my mom! He freaked out and told me thats not fair, and if thats how its going to be then he wont be in there either!! (Also, the 2 kids we already have, my MIL has nothing to do with them, she is ALWAYS way to busy to see them) So....Am I just being emotional??? Or unfair to her??
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Re: My husband has a really big mouth.....why was I not asked first???
OMG I could have written all the same things about my MIL--and my DH would have done the same thing! LOL.
I would tell MIL that you're sorry DH told her she could be there but that you can only have 2 people and it's going to be DH and your mom. I'm sure as the time gets closer DH will change his mind and be in the room.
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Notes:
Uhmm can there even be three people in the room with you? DH, Mom and MIL? I would have your husband tell her that he misspoke and that there can not be any more people allowed in the operating room with you.
Listen, when it comes to having a baby you don't have to worry about being fair or not. You are the patient and you decide who you want there. Being fair is irrelevent as far as I am concerned.
ETA: ok read more of your post. Tell him your MIL being in the operating room isn't an option. He can be there to see the birth of his child or he won't be there. But MIL will not.
You really need to put your foot down on this. You don't want here there. End of Story.
Last time they only allowed 2 people in there....if 3 were allowed then it probably wont be a big deal and she can! I told him our baby and I are the ONLY things that matter on that day, he need to do what makes me feel good!
I would tell DH that it sucks he is gonna miss out on the birth of his child. If he wants to be childish then so be it but I am sure he will change his mind. There is nothing anyone can say or do to EVER make me have my MIL there w/me.
I want to be relaxed and with people I am the most comfortable with and MIL is nowhere on the list..so I totally understand.
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lol....perfect!
Honey I am jsut so mad for you right now. What a horrible horrible position to put you in. If my husband said that to me I would punch him so hard in the balls that he wouldn't be able to have another child.
Please please stand up for yourself and your needs. I have been on these boards for a few years now and one of the biggest regrets that I hear time and time again is from women who regret having people in the delivery rooms with them that they didn't want there. Those first few moments are so precious and you will never ever get them again. Never.
Thank you! I do plan on standing up for myself this time. I've allowed her to do MANY things that just werent right. Im doing whats right for my this time!
You're the one being cut open. It is your decision. If it is causing a major issue though, then you should only have DH in the room.
With that said, your DH sucks. Who says, "If my mom can't be there, I won't be there either"? He sounds like an immature idiot, which begs the question, why are you continuing to procreate with him?
Good job. I figure MIL is going to be hurt or upset sometimes in this life. You can't let her get her way all the time. She will just have to be upset and you know what? THat is ok. The world won't explode or stop spinning if she gets upset, so go ahead and let her.
As far as your husband is concerned. Good Lord, my husband would be in the doghouse if he did that to me and he would also be the one explaining to her that she isn't allowed in the room and that is was his fault for even saying that in the first place.
lol..I dont want to tell her, but I dont think she'll get it if I dont!
I am not sure how far along you are but if you have awhile, I would just drop it for as long as you can. Your husband but probably just speaking in the heat of the moment when he said he wasnt going to be in there and I am sure he will come around! (At least that's what always works with my DH)
If he still is freaking out about this and it's almost time for delivery, maybe have a compromise and have no mothers in the room so no one gets their feelings hurt?...
I agree with you and it's not a matter of fairness and how many people can be in there, it is a matter of who YOU want in there. Your MIL does not have any sort of right to watch you give birth if you don't want her there, and the fact that you do want your own mother in there is your choice. If my H had done the same thing - I'd tell him it's not fair that I'm the one who has to carry our baby for nine months and go through labor - but that's just the way it goes.
You are the one having the procedure, therefore it is your decision. It is not his decision to make. If he wants to be immature and say that he won't be there either, that is his choice. You should be surrounded by those that you love and that love you. Your husband needs to realize this is about him, his wife, and his baby- not his MIL.
This is exactly what I would tell my DH if he tired to pull that. I realize that it's his baby too but it's your body and that day is all about YOU and the BABY not at all about your MIL.
on the DL, ask the dr and nurse to say only DH can go in.
At the hospital where I delivered they only allowed one person in.
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Ditto. I think it's way more effed up that your husband and the father of the child you will be delivering told you he wouldn't be there if his mother wasn't. How terribly juvenile. I'd have to set my husband straight on that before even thinking about dealing with the MIL problem.
Once DH had his tail between his legs, I'd make sure that HE called his mother and admitted that he spoke too soon and that no, she couldn't be in the delivery room. As someone else said, you're the one undergoing major surgery, you get the final say. Stand your ground.
I'm so glad that my MIL would never push her way in. I love her!
Talk to your Dr, MW, or nurse. They are very happy to play devil's advocate and kick out any one that YOU don't want in there. You are the patient and your well-being (physical and mental) always come first.
I told this to my DH and he laughed. He said that if he did that to me, he knows what would happen to him. You still do have a long way to go before the delivery so you have time to 'educate' him
Um first of I find it disturbing that your husband is not supporting you in your decision. Having said that, maybe he's just disappointed, will come around and support your choice.
If not stand firm. It's your body and though your husband might want his Mom in there, you need to feel comfortable as you have a very important job that day. You might not be able to to that job as well if you are not as relaxed and supported as possible. Anyway, GL to you. I hope everything works out.
Dear Lord, Why is he more concerned about his mommy's feelings than yours? Who did he make vows to? Besides, if she had treated you better than yeah maybe she would be there. But if she treats you badly, then she has to deal with the consequences of her bad behavior.
Your asking a question I cant answer! I dont know why I always end up being the "bad guy". Sometime I wanna tell him ....next time you wanna have sex or need dinner cook or clean clothes...call your mommy! And yes, if his mom treated me better.....instead of contacting my ex husband( my 1st daughter biological father, who signed over his rights ) and his new wife. and telling them how they should hang out together or how she hope my DH and I NEVER have kids...and how she hates me, then yes maybe, she could! her and I could have had a great relationship....she messed it up!
good luck, he better call his mom and let her know that she is not welcome in the operating room , she will just have to wait to meet your new lo, I really dont get why people bother to ask to be in the delivery room obviously if you wanted her there you would ask her to be,
(Just noticed this trend today, sorry!)
What's up with all these ladies in their first trimester already knowing they're getting a c-section? Is this a USA thing to automatically go to c-section after already having one?
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4 missed chances
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this will be my 3rd...Im assuming Im getting one no matter what this time since I just had my daughter 8 months ago!
For the OP, honestly, I'd call his bluff. If he's going to be that assy about it, tell him to GTFO. He'll either be super distracting and uppity while he's in there with your mom, or else you'll be uncomfortable and out of sorts because MIL is there and not your mom. Either way, it'll be annoying, and you really don't need to deal with his histrionics while you're being gutted.
I really hate this second piece of advice. She should have who she wants in the room. Suddenly she is supposed to worry about a MIL's feelings who has been awful to her for years? They (DH and MIL) can stay in the waiting room. It's her decision who is going to support her during an operation.
I say she drops it only since the matter is settled. No need to ruin her pregnancy with this worry.
Ick. Your husband sounds like a pain in the a$$. Does he have any good qualities? Because his bad ones so far are: takes his mom's side over his wife's, doesn't stand up to his mom about her treatment of his wife, throws a temper tantrum when you say you don't want his mom in the operating room, threatens to not be in the room for the birth of his child if he doesn't get his way, he has you cook, clean and do his laundry......
Do I have to move to Alaska to find gems like that?
Look, if he wants to whine about it being fair, tell him that you don't think it's fair that you're going to be cut open and your internal organs are going to be pushed around while he gets to sit in a cushy chair and chill while the kid is being born. The moment he's on the table being cut open is the moment he can decide who is and is not in the delivery room.
Oh, and please don't elect Levi to be your mayor. The rest of the world can't stomach any more of his prolonged 15 minutes.
He is a good man, I guess he's just being a jerk right now! I am going to stand my ground though! LMAO....Levi being Mayor WOULD NEVER HAPPEN!
lol...totally agree!
The doc's # 1 concern is his patient being in the best possible place mentally and physically for delivery. If you are stressed and upset with MIL being present then doc won't want her there either.
I'd ask the doc privately about claiming concern about infection/contamination issues or if doc would be cool with outright saying MIL is banned due to the emotional upset being caused by her insisting on being in the birthroom.