Everything has changed, after a phone call from my MOM!!!

Missyshayne

So I had a long phone convo with my Mom tonight. I had already been pre-warned that my older brother BLABBED the news at a family party last night,(alcohol involved). Which quickly cued my leaving, I wasn't ready to be thrown under the bus like that, I wasn't ready to handle that. I'm just getting used to the thought myself, much less having family opinions thrown in the mix.

  So back to my convo with my Mom. She played the "concerned mother" role stating that she's not "pro abortion" BUT it is a life altering decision. And my boyfriend is not reliable in her opion, & she just doesn't want to see me struggle the rest of my life. She reminded me that she had 4 children all with the end result of divorce, & she struggled, we as children suffered, and all the such. Then she quickly contradicted her self by saying, " oh well if he can get his act together". After she reminded me that my Dad had always promised to change, always promised he would do something different to get a different result and it went on for 20 years. She also threw in there some where that, "she's not ready to be a Grandmother, for my sake".

I just don't know what to think. None of it was peaches, none of it helped my scurrying mind, all it did was confuse me & make me doubt what I am doing. Hence the reason I was not planning on telling anyone until 1st tri was over & done with. I am so mad, so confused

eisenberg0814

how old are you and what's your living situation? like do you have a job? Do you live with your boyfriend?

I was very angry when my dad mentioned once he should have never married my mother - they were divorced 15 years ago and did not speak a single word until 4 weeks before he passed away. When I replied, my brother and I would have been not here, his reaction was odd.

Something concerns me with your mom: she said the divorce was a result of having 4 children? Being a child of divorced parents makes your job as a parent harder, thats for sure. You have to seperate yourself from many things that went wrong in your parents life. Your mom lets this out on you a little bit. Before you make a drastic decision, I would speak to a counselor and get those issues sorted out. Its not fair to put that on you.

genaruthp

I am sorry your mom was a bummer.

My mom had some interesting choices in life. She has been married about 5 times. I am married, just over a year. And she still gave me some of the same talk. She said she "didn't need to be a grandma again." and I "shouldn't feel pressured." All, right before I found out I was preg and I had never told her we had intentions of trying.

I keep patting myself on the back for the things I have done different than my mom. I know it will be hard to be a parent knowing my parents were miserable and then divorced. I think the best thing for you is to remember to breathe. You have your own life and get to make your own choices. We are all scared in this! It will be a ride. I think you just have to be happy with your own choices. If this is what you want, then do it. And sooner or later your mom and your family will come around eventually. At least hopefully they will.

Again, sorry your mom was such a bummer. My mom seems to enjoy raining on my parade. It has been a week since I told her and she is better. I hope your mom gets there too. Sometimes they just need time to process too. I am sending wishes for a happy and healthy pregnancy. And we will always be here on this board for you to vent!

Missyshayne

She def is a bummer, & I can relate with the whole raining on your parade. I guess I could accept my mom has never been a positive person. I know she definately plays the victim card in life. And I do know that it is not what happens to you in life, but mostly what you do with it.

To be honest my boyfriend & I have been together 2 years this month & unfortunately while living under my mothers roof, I feel a little too much of our dirty laundry was aired(fights being overheard). I feel her  opinion/respect for our relationship as something lasting was impacted. So overall I feel she doesnt root for my boyfriend.

We have also joked about the day we have kids & it comes time for Grandparents to babysit, the thought of my mom is frightening, she's a bit lets just say cuckoo,flighty, not-so-together. So anything out of her mouth I usually take with a grain of salt. But I guess it hits a little hard when its already been said & one & here she is suggesting I terminate.

Thanks for being here for me to vent, this board has been my saving grace these past few days.

Missyshayne

I'm 25 & my boyfriend & I both live under a rented roof, that we co-habitate with my 28 year old brother & my mother. (We help her with the rent) Its not ideal & trust me our ultimate plan before this suprise was to rent a small house of our own near my new job.And yes, we both have decent jobs.

I must thank you for bringing me back down to earth about my mother bc you're absolutely right alot of things are concerning with my mom. She is a negative nancy, & I feel my whole life she's burdened me with the suffering of her mistakes or failures. I truly have a resentment toward her, that I at times I feel guilty for.Only bc I know she did the best she could with what she had, but she is not proactive, never changes. Gosh such drama, you're right I do need counseling, GEESH!!  

eisenberg0814

It sounds like you are grounded and well organized. You are helping her! Counceling is not a bad thing. I did not realize it and it resulted in me having headaches 3-4 days a week so I could not leave the house. I had to go to pain therapy and that changed my life. My parents are adults and they are responsible for their decisions.

Your baby is a precious gift! I think you should go and celebrate you being pregnant and get a mani or something. Congratulations.

mamadukesof2

Every part of what your Mom said sounds exactly like my Mom! Mine has always had the philosophy that she came first and her kids came second in life so that is how it will be always. She always went out and did what was best for her and neglected her children in the meantime. I'm not talking ignored, I'm talking left the house for days with no food in the house. Anyway, sadly I put up with this like you for 25 years trying to keep peace and have a relationship with my mother. I always told myself that I would do anything in my power when I had children to keep them sheltered from my Mom's attitude and way of being. I finally realized that I needed to do that for myself before I could have the strength to do that for my children. I decided to part ways with her a few months ago and have had nothing but positivity in my life since. Then, WHAM, BFP lol! A part of me feels guilty though and I have to continue to remind myself that was a good decision for the mental health of me, MH, and our future LO.

Keep your head up, stay strong, and most importantly,- remember that as long as you are prepared and informed about life and feel satisfied, nobody should ever have the power to knock you down.  My silent mantra is, "I cannot change what others do, but I can change the way I react to them". I have repeated this to myself various times to try to knock some sense into me because firmly believe that sometimes its not so much what someone else said that bothers us but rather the way we end up reacting to it.  Good Luck with everything!

TheCricket

Give your mom a break. I think that for one, it is great that you two have the kind of relationship where you can actually discuss things (even if you don't agree) and actually communicate. Take a deep breath, and just thank goodness that your mom is there for you (even when she pisses you off). Good luck with everything.

Missyshayne

Thank you! Thank You! Thank You! I never knew how much an outside opinion would help. Today is a new day &  all I can do is take it day by day. Thank You all the bump is the best