MIL is starting to p!ss me right off

izzourclue

Typically my MIL is pretty easy to deal with.  She tends to wait to be invited to visit, never offers her opinion or thoughts on things and lets DH call her and doesn't call us very often.  I chalk this up to her very introverted personality and a general desire to stay out of others business.  Sounds like a dream right? 

Well DH is super excited about the baby and she will be the first grandchild on both sides of the family.  He "thought" that MIL would be over the moon excited.  We are both 35 and have been married for 13 year so I assume people thought we might never have children.  Well, her initial reaction was ok, I guess.  She wasn't as outwardly excited as we thought she would be, but ok.  Since then she has not called or emailed once to ask about me or the baby.  Has not offered to contribute anything to the nursery (not that we need it, but its tradition for the grandparents to want to give something right?).  When he calls her, she never asks about the baby or how I'm doing.  He always brings it up. 

Well today he called her to tell her some friends were planning a baby shower for the end of Oct and was wondering if they wanted to come out for it (they were planning a visit for sometime this year).  She gave him a very nonchalant "I don't know." and left it at that.  After DH hung up, I asked him a few questions about what's going on and he started getting upset and had to lay down because he was starting to get a migraine.  The b!tch is actually really starting to hurt his feelings.  I would love to call her and ask her, "what the eff is up!"  But DH would not be happy with me if I did that.  I just feel so bad for him because he is so pumped and thought his parents would be too.  He is so disappointed in their reaction and lack of interest.  Ugh.

midnight*sun

MIL's suck. Well most of them anyway.

4321piper

So sorry!  You know what they say..."you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family".  Maybe your DH needs to have a talk with her an let her know how you both feel?  Maybe she is happy, but has a weird way of showing it?  You never know...maybe she is bragging to all of her friends about her new grandbaby, but then she won't say a word to either of you on the phone.  Still - I would be totally mad/annoyed if I was you!

columbiamommy

That sounds very frustrating.  I hope she comes around.

missbobbijean

We're in the same boat and I haven't been able to figure out why. My husband thinks that it's because his parents live 2000 miles away and don't fly. (3 day drive once a yr is the ONLY way they visit!) I still don't understand why they wouldn't be excited about us starting a family. They don't even plan on coming to visit until the baby is almost 6 months old! I've just shrugged it off though and figure we're excited enough for everybody. I'm not letting lack of support on someone else's part to justify a bad day on mine! Best of luck to you and your new family!

izzourclue

I can blow it off and say, "that's just her."  What's p!ssing me off is how much she is really bothering DH and hurting his feelings.  I have asked him to ask her what's going on, if she's upset about something, but they don't really talk about things in their family.  Only behind each others backs.  Which is so not me.  I am open and honest and if you are bothering me, we will get to the bottom of it.  I won't just sit and be p!ssed off and have hurt feelings because I am afraid to confront someone. 

KeriMac

I'm sorry!  I am sure it is just disappointing for him.  I sort of know where he is coming from.  My ILs live locally and they are super excited about everything.  My mom lives in FL, and she is 100% excited too.  She looks at baby websites and e-mails me the links and takes pictures of items in stores down there and texts me the pics.

My parents (dad and stepmom), however, lack the excitement I had hoped for.  They seemed excited initially, but they haven't even come to see me since they found out I was pregnant (they live 2 hours away), nor have they made any mention of visiting before or after the baby.  They barely come to see DD.  It really hurts me because I feel like my kids play second fiddle to my niece and nephew (stepbros kids) who live right near them and stay with them nearly every weekend.

I can understand why he feels the way he does.  I agree that he should say something, but not when he is emotional or frustarted.  Just let her know that he feels hurt and doesn't understand why she is not enthusiastic.  Maybe she doesn't want to step on any toes?  Who knows?  But it will hurt him more if he doesn't say something. 

CC.to.be

I'm sorry that sucks. Your DH should tell her that it is hurting his feelings and ask her if something is wrong. Maybe there is something secretly bothering her. Hopefully she will change her tune when your lo arrives.

SBear12

We have very similar MILs... the way you described her personality is exactly the same. Since DH is an only child, he gets the brunt of all of it, and I ache for him sometimes. I tried for about 5 years to break through her shell, and had tons of anxiety about it... which peaked when I was pregnant with Lyla. But after she was born, I suddenly got better at letting it go. And when my anxiety lessened, it took some of the stress off of DH also.

Plus his own perspective changed when he had Lyla... he doesn't get as upset or consumed by his parents, because his priorities are just different now. So hopefully that will be the case with your DH too. Either way, I understand. It's so hard dealing with that personality type... even worse watching somebody you love try to deal with it.

wmramsel

izzourclue:

I can blow it off and say, "that's just her."  What's p!ssing me off is how much she is really bothering DH and hurting his feelings.  I have asked him to ask her what's going on, if she's upset about something, but they don't really talk about things in their family.  Only behind each others backs.  Which is so not me.  I am open and honest and if you are bothering me, we will get to the bottom of it.  I won't just sit and be p!ssed off and have hurt feelings because I am afraid to confront someone. 

We must have the same MIL....I'm sorry, this sucks  

beautifulsin90

Omg what a gem. I am sorry you and DH have to deal with her.

garnet1981

My MIL hasn't called called or asked about the baby since we told her a few months ago.  Unfortunately, not everyone has the gem MIL.  I have accepted who she is and have just decided to just be happy with the smallest things she might say or do.  It's sad that she hasn't paid any interest in her grandchild, but that's her decision.  Our baby has so many other loving people around him or her just itching for the arrival.  I'm not going to try and drag her into our family.  The door's open if she ever decides she wants to become a part but that's it.

 I'm sorry you and your dh have to go through this.  I know it hurts.