SO --> DH

indyfrog2k

What changes, if any, have you noticed in your relationship since getting married?

DH and I used to go out to eat, go to movies, watch tv/movies at home, go hiking, etc.  Since getting married we rarely do these things (even before DD was born).  However, after getting married we immediately built a house which DH worked on every waking minute he wasn't working at FT job, moved in and found out I was prego a month later, and now obviously we have a baby.

So basically, I'm wondering if our lack of doing things is due to those factors or have you ladies also noticed changes from when you were dating vs. being married.

dragon_chica

Nope.  Most everything stayed the same.  We still traveled, hung out with friends, did our own separate things, etc.  Your relationship changed because of the house building (pre-LO) and now that and the baby.  Obviously if you're saying he "worked on every waking minute" and working a FT job of course you guys aren't spending that quality time together.  If you're craving for that time talk to him.  Set aside some time together.  Now that we have DD our time together is at the end of the night when we do a crossword puzzle.  On occasion we will go out without DD but obviously that can be tough, BUT you still need to make that effort.

saturdaynightdoubletree

Finances have been a huge change for us, sharing accounts, etc. This changed even more when I became a SAHM.... but didn't really effect our relationship.

Since getting married we seem to do more independently than we ever did while we were dating. Little things like errands we used to always go together... now we drive each other insane doing them. DH used to be more romantic and spontaneous. I used to randomly get flowers, or a card telling me how awesome I am. Now, I can't even tell you the last time I got flowers. We also used to love cooking together... now it's one or the other of us. I think it's natural for things to change and evolve... even though it seems like change only happened when we became married.

Sizzline

Our relationship didn't change at all when we got married. We did the same things and acted the same way. It definitely took a hit when the baby came, though. We both work full-time, and I go to school as well, so between those factors and having an infant, we hardly see each other except for an hour or two between when DD goes to sleep and we go to bed. We don't have the same days off or anything. We try to make the most of what time we do have, but its definitely been a struggle to keep the romance alive.

indyfrog2k

I guess I should have said that I don't necessarily mind the changes.  We still sit down for supper every night and now we get to enjoy an hour or so a night with our beautiful baby.  Just curious if you thought the cliches were true.  i.e. dating = impressing the other, going out, etc. and marriage = ball and chain, being whipped.  lol - i hate that one, being whipped!

dragon_chica

indyfrog2k:

I guess I should have said that I don't necessarily mind the changes.  We still sit down for supper every night and now we get to enjoy an hour or so a night with our beautiful baby.  Just curious if you thought the cliches were true.  i.e. dating = impressing the other, going out, etc. and marriage = ball and chain, being whipped.  lol - i hate that one, being whipped!

Um, no, marriage doesn't have to be a "ball and chain" type of marriage.  I still compliment DH and we still dress up to go out.  DH has never been much of a romantic so that hasn't changed.    A bit before getting engaged we had already bought a house and combined our finances so nothing like that was new and/or different for us.

Are you feeling neglected because he's no longer taking you places?

Amber68W

Well, we got married and had a baby at the same time so I can't really tell you the deciding factor, but things have changed yes. I don't really mind it, I like having a family and staying in more often.

indyfrog2k

dragon_chica:

indyfrog2k:

I guess I should have said that I don't necessarily mind the changes.  We still sit down for supper every night and now we get to enjoy an hour or so a night with our beautiful baby.  Just curious if you thought the cliches were true.  i.e. dating = impressing the other, going out, etc. and marriage = ball and chain, being whipped.  lol - i hate that one, being whipped!

Um, no, marriage doesn't have to be a "ball and chain" type of marriage.  I still compliment DH and we still dress up to go out.  DH has never been much of a romantic so that hasn't changed.    A bit before getting engaged we had already bought a house and combined our finances so nothing like that was new and/or different for us.

Are you feeling neglected because he's no longer taking you places?

Nope.  don't feel neglected.

dragon_chica

Then I'm confused.  I'm used to people posting similar questions because they're bothered by something and need a frame of reference and advice.  Is this post just plain curiosity?

howa0155

We dated for 4 years and lived together before getting married.  Everything stayed the same except for a bit more co-mingling of finances.  I would say the thing that changed our relationship was adding in a newborn. 

chloephoebecali

We have cut back on those things, but mostly because we are saving  money and it isn't a priority to me to do that stuff.  I am now a SAHM, but only because I was laid off.  If you have the money and a babysitter, you should be doing all that stuff if that is your thing.

indyfrog2k

yep.  just plain old curiousity.  seemed like an interesting topic on a slow, labor day board.  plus i was talking to a couple un-married coworkers last week about how they didn't want to be tied down.  made me think about what had changed for me and dh since getting married.  and sure, lots has changed which i attribute to the other reasons i mentioned and not necessarily just being married but thought i'd see if you all agreed with that or what changes you have noticed in your own marriages.  that's it.

dragon_chica

indyfrog2k:

yep.  just plain old curiousity.  seemed like an interesting topic on a slow, labor day board.  plus i was talking to a couple un-married coworkers last week about how they didn't want to be tied down.  made me think about what had changed for me and dh since getting married.  and sure, lots has changed which i attribute to the other reasons i mentioned and not necessarily just being married but thought i'd see if you all agreed with that or what changes you have noticed in your own marriages.  that's it.

Okie dokes.  

alybookgirl

I would say things have changed, some for the better, some not. DH is no longer as romantic as he was when we dated but he jokes that he doesn't have to woo me anymore now that he "owns" me. (He's totally joking). We are much better at communicating and hearing each other now that we're married. And intimacy is different now that we have DD, but still great. I would take being married any day. Our life is so blessed and full of love with each other. I have never considered myself to be tied down. We have a great marriage, even with the ups and downs.

Soap1

I think the day-to-day stuff didn't change much for us, but the big picture definitely did.  When you're married, you can't just break up.  You're in it for the long haul.  It just feels different than just dating.  But as far as the stuff we do together, it's pretty much the same (obviously things changed after LO)

And the best part about being married is, when you fall out of love for a little while, being married keeps you together until you fall back in.