Babysitting(Vent)

D&J=Forever

So, today my FI and I were babysitting my nephew for my sister because she has to work until 11 p.m. He is only 4 months old and teething. He has been constantly crying just because he wants to be held. I asked, "My Mom when he became this way." She replies, "Ever since she holds him all day no matter what hes doing, even sleeping." I am becoming a little impatient with his spoiled cries. Good thing my FI is a little more patient than me.

Was anyone else prone to holding their first born? Like no matter what even at night he sleeps in her arms.

erbear

I'm keeping this post for you to look back at when you have your own kid who won't stop crying because her teeth hurt or, god forbid, you have a baby who will only sleep when being held.  He's 4 months old! Have a heart!  He is not spoiled...he's a baby. You have a lot of learning to do before you become a mom...

And to answer your question, yes, I held my firstborn for much of her first six months.  She was colicky and holding her in a wrap or in my arms was pretty much the only thing that made her not scream. She's so far from spoiled at 18 months.

NavyPilotWife

You can't spoil a newborn and your comment about your nephew's "spoiled cries" really rubbed me the long way. Some babies are "high needs" and thrive on being close to people, instead of being in a swing or bouncer. An ergo/sling/ or other baby carrier is a great way to "hold" the baby, while still getting things done. I really hope that you are more patient, when it comes to your own baby...

AmyGin

I did at first since I was home a lot but then I got really sick of being in the house and find any and every excuse to get out and i never planned it around her sleeping and eating scedule which i think was the best idea ever because event though i held her as much as i wanted she was so used to sleeping through anything that when i would put her down she didnt fuss about it... to this day shes a fighter to get to sleep but once shes down shes out, i can change her diaper, dress her, brush her hair and put shoes on and all while shes asleep... so it didnt turn out to bad though she is really bad about needing to feel us around her to get to sleep at night.  I dont have to cuddle her but just atleast lay beside her unless she just cant fight her sleep anymore.

SBear12

Uh, yes, I was "prone" to holding my firstborn when she cried. Planning to do that with my second, as well. I actually don't know anyone who doesn't hold their baby when they're upset. Largely because a 4 month old can't be "spoiled"... he's way too young to know the difference between what he needs and what he wants.

Not to mention teething is actual, real pain. So for future reference: if your newborn is crying because he's in pain, and wants to be comforted by his parents... you comfort him. If that means holding him (yep, even at night)... you hold him. It's actually that simple. Your sister sounds like a good parent... follow her lead.

ekmebm

Honey, you sound like you have a lot to learn about babies and being a parent....and this is coming from a first time mom.

At 4 months old, most babies don't have the ability to self soothe, and therefore need the caregivers in their lives to soothe them by holding, rocking and cuddling them. As PPs said, you cannot spoil a 4 month old baby, and especially not by holding them Human touch is a "need" for babies, not a want...and it ranks right up there with the need to be fed and changed. Please remember that you were babysitting someone else's child, your sister's baby may have been in a lot of pain from the teething, may have just really wanted Mommy, or may have been sensing your frustration with the crying.

I am not trying to be snarky when I say that I REALLY REALLY recommend taking a Newborn Care class and reading a few books on parenting infants. Baby 411 and The Happiest Baby on the Block are two books I've read and learned a lot from.

daenikoffre

To add on to what these moms have already said, don't let your feelings for your sister affect the way you perceive this helpless ball of stinky human. Just love babies. End of story. That's my philosophy. 

 

Even babies of spoiled adults, bitchy bitches, racists, bigots, plain old assholes, whatever.. Babies are innocent creatures. Just love them. You'll feel better. 

 

 

Good luck! 

KeriMac

Yes, I held my newborn.  I held her when she was awake and content, I carried her around the house, I comforted her when she cried.  I laid on the couch for most of my maternity leave and held her while she slept for 2 hours.  I didn't care that I didn't even start one of the home projects I had planned for the three months I was on leave. 

A 4 month old cannot be spoiled.  I will say that I started putting DD down awake to sleep at 8 weeks old, but if she didn't go to sleep, or if she cried shortly after, I went to her. 

I hate it when people say this to me, but "you'll see when the baby is born."

pawcall

Ditto to all of the pp.  I think this is something that isn't super intuitive but when you are dealing with your newborn, it'll become a bit more understandable.  He's 4 months old - it's not actually possible to "spoil" him.  Same issue at age 3?  Totally different story.

holiday819

cdobry01:

Ditto to all of the pp.  I think this is something that isn't super intuitive but when you are dealing with your newborn, it'll become a bit more understandable.  He's 4 months old - it's not actually possible to "spoil" him.  Same issue at age 3?  Totally different story.

i agree with all that has been said. a baby is NOT spoiled!!! it bothered me so much when MIL would call DD spoiled when i would pick her up if she cried.  or when MIL mentions how my SIL nurses her babies when ever they cry.  here's the thing moms know their babies better than anyone else.  even grandparents who obviously have kids of their own don't know your child and what works for the two of you.  you'll see what i mean when LO arrives.  i told myself that i wouldn't be one of those parents who ran to my child whenever they'd cry.  and i still don't but you learn to differentiate their cries.  but please don't call a teething 4 mo. spoiled.   oh and i did hold DD all the time, i mean come on its my first child and i don't want to let go of her, ever.

wmramsel

Have you ever had your wisdom teeth move or break through the gums??  I know a lot of people have them cut out- I did not.  I still have my wisdom teeth and they move up and down and 2 have broke through the gums. I cannot function without migraine medication when they are simply moving- let alone when they are breaking through my gums (the top two are about to) which then takes migraine meds and a diligent use of orajel.  And yes, I have a relatively high tolerance of pain.

To be 4 months old and going through the same thing- I WILL hold my child through as much as I can to comfort her.  And heaven help the person that calls her spoiled because of it.  A 4 month old does not cry just because- they cry when they are in need.  Not to mention that is has been proven that contact with the mother relieves pain in and of itself- let alone comfort aspects.  

I really hope you're not one of those moms who let their child "cry it out" for 1/2 an hour as a newborn..... 

JD807

I highly doubt the only reason that he is crying is because he wants to be held. If he's teething, then that could be the 100% reason...he's in pain!! If you are a first-time mommy like me...I don't understand how you know that he's crying ONLY because he wants to be held? You also have to take in mind what's going on at your sister's house. When my youngest niece was born...she was relatively good...and I walked her to sleep while i was watching her. Her older brother had a b-day party one day after i'd rocked her to sleep...and her other aunt came in not 10 minutes after she went down and reached in oohing and awwing, tickling her...and making loud noises. The poor thing was so startled and so tired, that she started bawling. That may be the case too...if your sister has a routine, then the poor thing might be out of sorts, especially if he's teething.

I honestly think it's impossible to spoil them that young. I am a first time mommy coming up in January, and I plan to hold my child as much as I possibly can, especially since we are not well off and i've been denied paid leave...so to be able to afford everything, i have to go back to work after 4 weeks....I don't think i'll ever want to let her go.  

lovemytannerman

Not to mention the fact that a 4 month old can't even have Motrin for pain killer ( unless things have changed since my 7 year old was a baby) Have some compassion for a little one who can't articulate his needs. Pick him up and hold him. It doesn't spoil him, he's uncomfortable!

CAB'smommy

I did because my DS was very colicy.  Now they have more solutions for colic, but then I didn't know what to do.  Wish I had.