Acia - what is "hugging it out"?

Krista123105

DS used to be a great sleeper.  We would swaddle him, read him books and give him a bottle, and he would fall asleep in my arms and stay asleep most of the night.  He now fights the swaddle most nights, and refuses to fall asleep in his pnp in our room, so DH and I have been wearing him to sleep, but this is not something we want to do forever.  I refuse to let DS CIO, but hugging it out sounds so much better.    Can you please explain?  I need help.  Thank you!

acia

The "hug it out" strategy that some people are referring to (I can't take credit for the name - someone else came up with that - but I think it's quite fitting!) is what I did to help my DD sleep independently in her crib. I bedshared/coslept with DD until just a few weeks ago, but she was waking 7-10 times a night, and only going back down by nursing - and after 8 months of not sleeping for more than 2 hours at a time, I was exhausted and at the end of my rope. Something needed to change.

Basically, I did our routine as usual, got her nice and sleepy, but instead of nursing her to sleep, I put her in her crib. Of course, she cried immediately, but I soothed her in the crib. When rubbing her back and singing wasn't working, and she kept standing up and reaching for me, I basically wrapped my arms around her and just held (or "hugged") her with my cheek pressed up against her until she was almost asleep, and then she just sort of collapsed down and fell asleep. That first night, she cried for maybe 25 minutes until she calmed in my arms (but still in the crib) and fell asleep. She woke up a few more times but each time was better, and required less and less "hugging." After a few nights it was to the point that all I needed to do was rub her back for a few seconds and shush her or hum to her, and she was out. It's like she just needed to know that I was there, and then she could settle. Now (a couple weeks in), she generally wakes 1-2 times a night at most - she has actually slept all the way through (11 hours!) a few of the nights - and doesn't nurse at night at all. It's not perfect, but I didn't expect it to be - I just wanted a few hours of uninterrupted sleep and to not be used as a human pacifier all night long!

So I guess the main idea is to soothe them in the crib, because then it teaches them that the crib is a safe place. If you keep taking them out when they're upset, you are essentially "rescuing" them and teaching them that there is something to be scared of. (Though I'm also learning that there are times when maybe it's okay to take them out - like when I knew DD was in pain due to teething and just wanted to nurse to feel better.) And of course, the crux of it all is that they are falling asleep on their own (with a little help from you, more so at the beginning), so when they wake in the middle of the night they are able to self-soothe and put themselves back to sleep.

It's a relatively gentle technique - probably somewhere between cry it out and crying in arms - but there is definitely some crying involved. I really considered it a last resort, but it worked pretty well, and we're all sleeping quite a bit better now (just don't ask about naps).

I hope that helps a bit. Let me know if you have more questions. I'm not sure if it will apply to your specific situation, but maybe there are certain things you can apply that would help.

Good luck and hope you all get some sleep soon!

 

ella.mabel

We're going to try to transition DD to the crib this weekend.  She's 8 months and we've been co-sleeping.  She's used to nursing to sleep, both to go down the first time, and go back to sleep when she wakes. Now that she's crawling out of the co-sleeper multiple times a night, we've decided it's time to make the transition.

Since she doesn't stand, i can't really hug her while she's in the crib.  Do you think it will have the same effect if i pick her up and hug it out? 

acia

I think picking up should be a last resort - only if they're really distressed or freaking out and you just need to calm them down. And in those cases, calm them in your arms and put them back in the crib before they fall asleep in your arms. If your child can't stand, then just do whatever you can to calm them in the crib - rubbing their back, singing to them, patting their bum, talking calmly - even putting your face right down in there if that helps. I've even heard of people getting in the crib with the baby (check the weight limit for the crib first!) to soothe them.

The point is really to get them used to and comfortable in the crib (if crib sleeping is your goal) - you want to avoid taking them out of the crib unless totally necessary. This is what my sleep doula said, at least....

Krista123105

Thank you for the explanation!  DS doesn't stand (he's 7 months old), so I guess I have the same question as ella.mabel.  If I take him out of his pnp, does that defeat the purpose of "hugging it out"?

finsternis

we just did something very similar to this and it worked awesomely. she was self-settling the very first night and sttn within a few days. eb can`t stand either, so the first night i picked her up briefly with every night waking, and after that i shushed&rubbed through the bars.