Parenting

Time for my honest question.

How to you get to be married (or just an adult) and a parent and not know how to cook? Seriously.

I have been cooking along side my mom since I was the age my kids are now. I just don't understand how someone can get to the age where they are responsible for the lives of small human beings and be unable to get a healthy meal on the table.

Can you not microwave a Stouffer's lasagna or something? They have no preservatives and are pretty well balanced, if a little high in sodium.

I have seen more than one person post "I can't cook a thing, my DH does it all". NOT WANTING TO is one thing, but those posts seem pretty honest in the CAN'T area.

And before anyone crawls up my butt for being judgy, I don't give a crap who cooks in your house, no matter what you may think I mean. I just happen to think that part of adulthood is being able to cook, along with paying your bills on time and regular physicals. LOL

AKA KnittyB*tch
DS - December 2006
DD - December 2008

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Re: Time for my honest question.

  • 100% agree with you.

     

     

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  • I don't get it either. DH can cook, and has become a better cook since we've been married. He HAD to. He has the kids 2x a week when he does pick up. Either he cooks or they don't eat. So that's no excuse to say "my mom didn't teach me." DH's mom didn't cook, and he's figured it out.

    I really try to get the "I don't cook" but it's hard for me because I enjoy it. Not after coming home at 8 pm and putting something together if DH has been busy w/ the kids, but in general I do.

    Stouffer's would be one of my last choices due to the fat content. Boiling pasta = 10 min. Open jar of spaghetti sauce = 2 min. Or scrabble eggs = 5 min (take out half the yolks, replace w/ ff plain yogurt to reduce cholesterol). Toast or tortilla = 2 min.

    I think it's a matter of priorities and thinking outside the box. Are we eating gourmet meals right now? No. I'm not organized after going back to work. I need to up my game and get organized on the weekends. I hate not having the variety we're used it.

     

    DD 7.28.06 * DS 3.29.10
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    Christmas 2011
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  • Totally agree.

    My SIL brags that she "can't cook or clean" and BIL has to do it all. Clearly she *can* clean, but she really can't cook. I mean, really.. unless you like eating straight vinegar, which she pours into everything.

     

  • I personally can not imagine not being able to cook. However, I do think this is purely judgement. Like everything else in life it is a matter of priorities. I have known plenty of people who as adults do not cook and have no desire to learn. They all do just fine in life. It really isn't any different from those who don't own an iron and wouldn't know where to start on a wrinkled shirt. I for one hate to vacuum and let it go way to long if I am not expecting company. And please, don't ask me to change a flat tire. I haven't checked my oil in weeks...All a matter of priorities because I guarantee there are plenty of people on this board who would pass a similar judgement on these things...

    And btw, there are plenty of people who "cook" and are not capable of putting a healthy meal in front of their family. I think there are posters on this board who admit to throwing all kinds of crap at their kids that I would never feed my family... but again, priorities.

  • this makes me think of the time my exSIL screwed up hot dogs. LOL.  

    but she learned.

    I agree... even if it's just cooking a chicken breast and putting a veggie on the side.  your kids aren't asking for a 4 course meal.  just a well balanced meal.  

    I went to h.s. with a guy who said his mom couldn't and they ate out all the time.  when not given the guidance as a child, I can understand not knowing how when you go to college or even when you graduate... but at some point you have to figure out how to put something together.  it's flat out not wanting to if you're a grown person and choosing not to read instructions in a cookbook.  

  • I know, I have never understood people that say that. There is nothing hard about cooking, just following instructions. I understand people who say they can't bake, but that is different.
  • listen, you b!tch. I am learning, ok?

    I am trying.

    I am capable of feeding my kids non complex foods consisting largely of all of the food groups in a non- complex manner and in as organic and clean way as possible. the cooking part is coming along.

    thank god we're not meat eaters- I'd kill us all with ebola or something.

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  • If you can read and follow directions, you can cook.

    But I can understand someone saying they can't cook.  It's kind of how I don't know how to take out the trash.  And I don't have a clue on how to clean out the drain trap.  And I couldn't tell you a darn thing about mowing the lawn.

     

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    David "BD" 2/8/07 Spencer 9/12/11
  • Word.

    I love to cook.  I love having W help me when I'm baking.   No, I don't cook a four course meal every night, but it's really not that hard to take a few minutes on the weekend and plan your week.  And it's seriously not rocket science.

    I could go on.  And on.  And on.

    Kill all my demons and my angels might die too. -Tennessee Williams

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    You take my ovaries, I take your yarns.
  • imagethelastlaugh:

    . I have known plenty of people who as adults do not cook and have no desire to learn. 

     

    I believe this is what the OP is aiming at .... the people who say they cannot when really it is they do not want /have no desire to learn to cook.  

    you want to eat out every night or rely on someone else to cook for ya, fine. but don't say you cannot... because , as the chef on ratatouille states "everyone can cook!"  Oh yeah, I just went there.  I am mom, hear me roar. 

  • I agree w/ you. And my mom didn't teach me to cook or anything like that. I spent no time in the kitchen growing up, but I can read a cook book.  

    I'm sure if I worked outside the home full time and had to come home at night and cook a meal, I'd probably cook far less than I do now, but I'd still know how to.  

  • I agree.  And to add to it, I see posts fairly often about how people can't handle touching raw meat, so they don't.

    Yeah, it's not the most pleasant experience in the world, but how are they a grownup and get away with it(I'm excluding those who are vegetarians - these are people who eat meat, but won't touch it raw)?  I find it very strange.

  • imagejoy143dh:
    It's kind of how I don't know how to take out the trash. 

     Whaaat? You don't KNOW how to take out the trash? I call BS. 

    You may not enjoy the task of taking out the trash and therefore delegate it to someone else. I totally get that- I'm the same way and so dh is the one who does garbage duty. But there's a difference between not doing something because it's an undesired task and simply not knowing how.

  • I don't usually "like" to cook--but I'm not a moron--I can read & follow a recipe fine.  FWIW--I rarely cooked before DH/kids (my Mom was a good cook but we had a crappy kitchen & she was a control freak so I rarely cooked w/ her though I did bake a lot)...but now I cook 99% of the meals & they haven't died yet.
  • i agree. a couple months ago my young cousin got married, and in the days following it was revealed to me that his bride didn't cook AT ALL. (and they were moving right into her parents' house but that is a separate issue.) i do wonder how all that is going to work out...
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  • imageCleoKitty:
    imagejoy143dh:
    It's kind of how I don't know how to take out the trash. 

     Whaaat? You don't KNOW how to take out the trash? I call BS. 

    You may not enjoy the task of taking out the trash and therefore delegate it to someone else. I totally get that- I'm the same way and so dh is the one who does garbage duty. But there's a difference between not doing something because it's an undesired task and simply not knowing how.

    Dude, I was TOTALLY kidding.   Of course I know how to take out the trash - and I do every other day.  I also have cleaned out a trap and mowed the lawn (once).

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    David "BD" 2/8/07 Spencer 9/12/11
  • imageAnnapolisLari:

    How to you get to be married (or just an adult) and a parent and not know how to cook? Seriously.

    I have been cooking along side my mom since I was the age my kids are now. I just don't understand how someone can get to the age where they are responsible for the lives of small human beings and be unable to get a healthy meal on the table.

    Can you not microwave a Stouffer's lasagna or something? They have no preservatives and are pretty well balanced, if a little high in sodium.

    I have seen more than one person post "I can't cook a thing, my DH does it all". NOT WANTING TO is one thing, but those posts seem pretty honest in the CAN'T area.

    And before anyone crawls up my butt for being judgy, I don't give a crap who cooks in your house, no matter what you may think I mean. I just happen to think that part of adulthood is being able to cook, along with paying your bills on time and regular physicals. LOL

    ITA with you! Like a PP said, if you can read and follow directions, you can cook. Hell, even if you buy a rotisserie chicken premade at the grocery store, some frozen veggies, and one of those Country Crock sides that you microwave and throw it all in the microwave to heat it up.... it's better than frozen processed foods.

    Marcey
    Kaden William 11/4/06 and Dawson Michael 6/30/10
    Dawson's first birthday - at the zoo
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  • imagejoy143dh:
    imageCleoKitty:
    imagejoy143dh:
    It's kind of how I don't know how to take out the trash. 

     Whaaat? You don't KNOW how to take out the trash? I call BS. 

    You may not enjoy the task of taking out the trash and therefore delegate it to someone else. I totally get that- I'm the same way and so dh is the one who does garbage duty. But there's a difference between not doing something because it's an undesired task and simply not knowing how.

    Dude, I was TOTALLY kidding.   Of course I know how to take out the trash - and I do every other day.  I also have cleaned out a trap and mowed the lawn (once).

    Oops. Sorry, missed that. Disregard...

    (I was seriously scratching my head at not knowing how to take a bag of trash outside and toss it into the trash barrel/dumpster, LOL.) 

  • imageAnnapolisLari:

    Can you not microwave a Stouffer's lasagna or something? 

    BTW--- this is what is for supper tonight!

    My dad is coming over to fix something at my house, and I told him I would "cook".   LOL.     

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  • EMTEMT member
    imagePMQ:

    Well, you're assuming that everyone had the same upbringing as you (and i) had. Some people had horrible parents, some people had no parents, some people had parents who just didn't cook.

    And heating up a Stouffer's lasagna is not cooking, by Nest standards anyway. I don't think anyone has ever said they can't do THAT. I think when people say they can't cook they mean a meal from scratch.

    This and recipes CAN be intimidating.  I can cook fairly well and sometimes I do not know what all the ingredients are in a recipe or I don't understand what a certain instruction is telling me to do. I also feel like this post is kicking someone when she is down.

    I'm sure she knows how to stick a lasagna in her oven. Obviously not what she meant.

    ETA: I don't think "I can't cook" is an excuse to feed your kids sh!t all the time though. 

     

     

  • I rarely ever cook. I can follow a recipe, sure, and I actually do a good job of it but I don't enjoy it at all. And I have no creativity, none. My mother was a good cook but she much preferred going out or getting takeout, she didn't enjoy it either.

    I'm sure people CAN do it if they were so inclined but many people just aren't.

  • Hm, I would say I do not have a strength in cooking.  We eat healthfully, but I rarely cook meat.  I was a vegetarian for 10 years (my learning how to cook while still living with my parents years.)

    I have baked chicken many times but I'd say about half the time I overcook it.  I'm afraid to under cook it.  

    I can broil salmon.  I used to make casseroles, meatloaf ahead of time.

     But things that people think are easy to do with food, I don't.

    Mostly, I make pasta or brown rice, quinoa, etc, we used frozen steamed veggies and fresh fruit.  We eat a LOT of sandwiches, plus soup in the winter.

    But I would say I'm not a cook at all, although I put healthy meals on the table.  DH is learning from other firemen how to cook and that is awesome for me. Takes the pressure off of me.

  • imagejoy143dh:

    If you can read and follow directions, you can cook.

    This. There are plenty of simple recipes that almost any adult can handle. Its really that when most people say "can't" the mean "don't want to" or "won't". 

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    Annelise 3.22.2007 Norah 10.24.2009 Amelia 8.7.2011
  • I haven't scrolled down to see what you're talking about.  But... I can't cook.  Meaning, I don't know how to cook.  Sure, if I spent time researching and practicing I'm sure I could do it.  Just like if I spent time researching and practicing to be - say, an electrician - I'm sure I could do it.  I don't have that kind of time.  Not all of us are home all day and have a husband and family that breeze through the door to help! 

    You call it an excuse - I call it life.  I work from 6 -6 everyday, come home, find something or order something for us to eat, play with the kids, bathe the kids, and go back to work.  Yeah - I can't cook. 

  • I'm pretty sure when this comes up I phrase it like this: "I don't cook much, MH does most of it because I hate to cook.  I do like to bake though."  It's just something that doesn't come naturally to me, and I don't enjoy it.  I do a lot of our meal prep (grocery shopping, meal planning, etc.) and we generally cook together for the most part - each doing something, including Jackson.

    Pretty much, I just hate it.

    But it's odd, because I grew up around women who cooked all.the.time., including my own mother and grandmother.  My mom, grandma and aunt own a catering business and a restaurant together, FFS, but I just missed out on the enjoying cooking gene somehow.  Or watching them spend their lives in the kitchen turned me off cooking for good...which is probably more likely.  I grew up the only girl, for most of my childhood, and I really stayed out of the traditional female roles and hung out with the men instead.  My mom was also kind of a control freak in the kitchen and would get bothered when we'd try to "help" or learn.  So I'd say that's why I don't like it, but it doesn't mean I can't do it - I did have to learn on my own, though, for the most part, because of the aforementioned control freakness.

    Honestly, though, even if you don't cook or can't or whatever the reason is - there's a lot of things you can do to throw a quick meal together that is healthy.  When Jackson was younger, and we were busier since I was in school, my go to was to keep grilled chicken in the fridge, a ton of fresh veggies and fruits.  Voila, dinner for him, salad for me.  LOL.

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  • Every adult, barring disabilities, should be able to do every "grown up" responsibility. This includes taking out the trash (how the HELL does anyone not know how to do that?), mowing, paying bills, balancing checkbooks, cooking, cleaning, etc. It doesn't mean you should do these things all the time, or that you should enjoy doing them, but you SHOULD be able to do them.
  • Yeah, GHM, I don't know how to mow the lawn either, lol.

     And I just had to come back and comment on your opening statement, Lari.  How did I come be married and not know how to cook?  Ummm, because it is not 1954 and my husband didn't go out looking for a wife because he needed someone to have the house clean and dinner on the table, thats how!

     Seriously, I know you're older, but dayum sometimes you sound like a grandma!

  • imagemattslady:

    Yeah, GHM, I don't know how to mow the lawn either, lol.

     And I just had to come back and comment on your opening statement, Lari.  How did I come be married and not know how to cook?  Ummm, because it is not 1954 and my husband didn't go out looking for a wife because he needed someone to have the house clean and dinner on the table, thats how!

     Seriously, I know you're older, but dayum sometimes you sound like a grandma!

    OK, Miss Nitpick, OF AN AGE to be married. You may be younger, but you pretty much always sound like a biitch.

    AKA KnittyB*tch
    DS - December 2006
    DD - December 2008

    imageimage
  • imagemattslady:

    Yeah, GHM, I don't know how to mow the lawn either, lol.

     And I just had to come back and comment on your opening statement, Lari.  How did I come be married and not know how to cook?  Ummm, because it is not 1954 and my husband didn't go out looking for a wife because he needed someone to have the house clean and dinner on the table, thats how!

     Seriously, I know you're older, but dayum sometimes you sound like a grandma!

    LOL,  I wouldn't even know where to begin w/ mowing the lawn.  I'm not even sure I could figure out how to start the lawn mower.

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  • For those that don't cook, my question is - do you want your child to have to learn on their own how to provide themselves a nutritious meal?

    I have a niece who's mom didn't really cook. As a young adult, she is just so lost w/ food. She can't cook and is insanely picky, so she ends up eating very few things, most of which are crap. I really felt bad for her, seeing as she was given (or took) no nutrition guidance. It's just an uphill road for her, and it seems that food issues stem from home.

    For me, being able to provide yourself basic sustenance falls in line w/ giving your child other basic life skills such has how to do a load of laundry. Like, Rachel Ray, not Julia Child.

    DH didn't marry me soley because I can cook, nor did I marry him because he can mow a lawn. But it helps to have skill sets that compliment each other.

    My BFF doesn't cook, never did, doesn't want kids. She's been married and her inability to cook never deterred any guy. So that argument I think is long gone for most people. But, she also isn't raising a human being to be self sufficient. 

    DD 7.28.06 * DS 3.29.10
    image

    Christmas 2011
  • Nah, I'm not interested in raising my kids to be self sufficient. Eye roll.
  • I would have no idea how to mow a lawn if my life depended on it, unless we're talking a super old fashioned blade push mower like my grandmother used to use on her lawn.  That I could do. 

    I don't think it's such a huge deal not to cook dinner on a nightly basis for your kids--and by that I mean really cook, like a 3 course meal from a cook book.  Ethan eats a lot of raw veggies with his dinner--requires no cooking at all on my part, & often organic mac & cheese or something like that.  He's pretty picky, so I am not going to put a ton of effort into whipping up gourmet meals for him that he will refuse anyway.  I do a lot of heating up & microwaving for him, unfortunately.  I hope that will change as he gets older.

    BUT, he sees me cook meals for DH and myself, and he bakes with me at least once a week and has already taken a kid's cooking class with me for fun.  

    I totally get "I don't like to cook, so I do it as little as possible," but I really don't get "I can't."  There are 8 million cookbooks out there.  Really, if you can read, you can cook.  Maybe not well, but you can.  :-) 

     

  • On the other hand, isn't it just another form of being self-sufficient?  If you don't cook, you are arguably teaching your kids how to get food w/out cooking, as well.  By ordering out, eating an easy meal, etc.  I mean, say you eat out most nights - you pay for that - maybe you're teaching your kids if you have a job, and make money, you can eat out instead of cook.

    It also doesn't necessarily mean it's unhealthy.

    Hell, I'd like to teach my kids to be wealthy enough to have a cook.  They'd be self-sufficient in the sense that they can pay someone to take care of things they don't like or enjoy, LOL.

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  • REOMREOM member

    The trash/recycling thing here is so friggin complicated with bagged items, large items, papers, plastic and commingled materials (whateverthehell they are) that I can honestly say that I do not know how to take out the trash. LOL.

    Also don't have a clue how to start a lawnmover. Nor do I have any intentions of learning.

    I can cook b/c I grew up in a household where learning to cook wasn't a choice.

    DD1 12.18.06 DD2 9.18.08 DD3 EDD 5.10.2012 BabyFruit Ticker
  • If you can read, you can cook.  Seriously.
    imageimage Ashley Sawtelle Photography
  • some people do not like to cook and therefore are not good at it.  and it would be waaaay more honest for them to say i don't like to and i suck at it than say they can't. 

    i like to cook. but i can't drive stick shift, mow the lawn or play basketball ...and yeah i don't like doing any of those things anyway.

    Patty Matt 4/7/05 and Sean 12/14/06 image
  • DH grew up in a house, well, canned foods and hamburger helper were pretty much it.  When he was little he decided to teach himself.  At age 8 he was making scrambled eggs for himself & his sister b/c his mom wouldn't do it, and that's what he wanted for breakfast.  So, like I said - he figured it out on his own.  He follows recipes well, but without a recipe he's lost. 

    I grew up in a family that taught us to be indep. and self sufficient.  We all know how to do at least the basics of - sewing, electrical, laundry, cooking, home repairs/easy construction, etc.  We all have the skills to live on our own with no help if we need to.  We can sew a button on, build a bookcase, cook dinner, etc.

    So to me, yeah it's kinda strange.  But after knowing MIL and the rest of the Beverly Hillbillies, I'm of the opinion that at least people admit that they can't/won't learn and have no desire to... instead of thinking they can and poisoning half the family.

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