Eco-Friendly Family

How do you deal with this toddler behavior?

DD has been throwing mini tantrums over the stupidest thing...like if I don't repeat something she is saying back at her.  This habit is REALLY starting to bug me.   I HATE verbal repetition and her saying something over and over again just gets on my last nerve.   I've tried talking her through her emotions but that just gets her more mad.  She seems to have gotten my temper.

Which brings me to my second question, she repeatedly asks for "Mickey Mouse" (Mickey Mouse Clubhouse), "Busytown Mysteries or various movies.  I explain that (in the case of TV shows) they aren't on now and to please stop asking but she just.keeps.going.  In the case of movies I have to remind her at least 10 times throughout the day that she can watch them after naptime/lunchtime.

Also, how do you calm yourself down when you feel the frustration and anger rising?  It's so hard to ignore her when she's right there and so breathing, etc doesn't always work.  I know I need to be more calm overall but I have no idea how to!

HELP!

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Re: How do you deal with this toddler behavior?

  • The repetition thing is pretty odd. Don't know how to help on that one. Addison has been throwing fits over everything and nothing lately as well. I have NO clue why she is even freaking out most days. That's the worst part.

    Usually I put her in the "gated" room and leave if I can't take it anymore and she is not responding to gentle talking and/or if she throws something or hits something or whatever. It's a "time out" for both of us.

    Regarding the tv shoes can you DVR or do you have On Demand or can you put it on off of you tube? I know Mickey Mouse clubhouse is on there cuz I played it the other day for Addison and she loved it!

    Otherwise, I think it's part of growing and them learning they won't always get their way. That's life ya know? I know it sucks but you are doing the right thing and trying to help her grasp being a person and being patient and/or learning that she won't always get what she wants...

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  • imageCeltiCutie:

    The repetition thing is pretty odd. Don't know how to help on that one. Addison has been throwing fits over everything and nothing lately as well. I have NO clue why she is even freaking out most days. That's the worst part.

    Usually I put her in the "gated" room and leave if I can't take it anymore and she is not responding to gentle talking and/or if she throws something or hits something or whatever. It's a "time out" for both of us.

    Regarding the tv shoes can you DVR or do you have On Demand or can you put it on off of you tube? I know Mickey Mouse clubhouse is on there cuz I played it the other day for Addison and she loved it!

    Otherwise, I think it's part of growing and them learning they won't always get their way. That's life ya know? I know it sucks but you are doing the right thing and trying to help her grasp being a person and being patient and/or learning that she won't always get what she wants...

    No on demand, and we watch it every morning, she doesn't need to watch more than that.  I kinda wonder if she gets bored with what I'm watching and just wants to watch her own thing.  I really need to detox from the TV again...

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  • imagecrackerjackprinter:
    imageCeltiCutie:

    The repetition thing is pretty odd. Don't know how to help on that one. Addison has been throwing fits over everything and nothing lately as well. I have NO clue why she is even freaking out most days. That's the worst part.

    Usually I put her in the "gated" room and leave if I can't take it anymore and she is not responding to gentle talking and/or if she throws something or hits something or whatever. It's a "time out" for both of us.

    Regarding the tv shoes can you DVR or do you have On Demand or can you put it on off of you tube? I know Mickey Mouse clubhouse is on there cuz I played it the other day for Addison and she loved it!

    Otherwise, I think it's part of growing and them learning they won't always get their way. That's life ya know? I know it sucks but you are doing the right thing and trying to help her grasp being a person and being patient and/or learning that she won't always get what she wants...

    No on demand, and we watch it every morning, she doesn't need to watch more than that.  I kinda wonder if she gets bored with what I'm watching and just wants to watch her own thing.  I really need to detox from the TV again...

     

    Gotcha! Ya we have Addison's "play room" and the TV/family room seperate for that reason. We put DVD's on for her every now and then in the family room. Usually to "calm down" or if we are not feeling well. We don't have cable though, so I don't know if we'd watch more or less or what w/ her... Understandable if she watches it daily though.

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  • Toddlers are fun right?  I don't really have any advice for you about the repetition, but I can see how it can be frustrating.

    As for the TV thing, DS asks to watch shows all the time.  We have DVR and I'm not lying when I say that the majority of the stuff on there are Nick Jr shows.  We tend to watch something in the morning and when I'm making his lunch.  If he asks for it when I don't want him to be watching TV and he throws a tantrum, I just remind him that he can go sit on timeout if he needs to calm down, but that I won't be turning on the TV.  He usually doesn't want to sit on timeout so he tends to stop.  I will say that unless we are watching one of the shows he likes (I think I'm more excited that the Fresh Beat Band is new this week than he is), the TV is off.

    When he's really carrying on, he gets a warning about going to timeout and that usually gets him to start to relax.  If he keeps it up, we have a little chair cushion on the floor by the gate up to the stairs that he sits on.  He gets his pacifier (I can't wait to get him off that thing) and blanket.  We usually tell him that once he's calmed down, he can get up.  He's started even going to the spot when feels himself getting too worked up or won't get up if we try to get him up and he's not ready.

    The calming myself down thing can be a little difficult being all hormonal right now.  Honestly, I've walked away from him into another room, usually the bathroom, just to break the tension and help me calm down.  Usually, he gets so upset about me walking away from him, that he'll come find me and ask me what's wrong.  I feel like when I do that, that atmosphere immediately changes and he knows he's gone too far. I will say that I only walk away when I know he's in a safe place.

    Sorry that ended up so long, but I hope it helps! 

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  • I repeat what C says to me, most of the time because I think it reinforces how it should sound.  (since we all know that it doesn't always come out of their mouths right lol)  He doesn't get frustrated if I don't.  But I believe that he gets frustrated if he thinks I am not listening.  So that might be where most the issue is.  Especially since she used to get ALL of your attention and now she has to share.

     

    For tv, we watch it at the same times each day (approx).  So he is allowed to choose what he wants to watch at those times, but not when.  For instance, I will say would you like to watch Super Why, Abby, or Mickey?  (or whatever) and he can choose one or he might tell me something he wants more. 

    47 months &
    11 months
  • I'd probably try to turn off the TV - it may help stop her from asking for it quite as often.  Maybe set it to specific times she can watch certain shows, and after that, it's done.  You could even try a little schedule on the fridge if that would help - then when she asks you can take her over there and show her that? 

    As for the repetition, I know you said that asking her what you said doesn't work.  Maybe state at the beginning you'll tell her 3 times, and then you're done?   Then redirect with something else that she likes?  Is it that she's unsure of certain things?  Is there some way to show it to her in a different way?  (sorry - just kind of brainstorming)

    Yeah, getting away/calming down when they're right there and able to move around isn't easy.  You could try telling her that mommy needs a time out.  The other thing that DS is fairly good with is our timer.  I find that if I say "I'm going to set the timer for 5 minutes, and after that we'll XYZ" it goes over a lot better than otherwise.  I don't know that I've tried it to get any me time, but it would definitely be worth a shot for us.  It's worked on him when he's been fairly upset. 

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  • I the repition is totally normal toddler stuff and how they learn.  DS repeats everything a million times and loves when I go along with him.  A normal ride home from daycare sounds pretty much like this:

    DS: Home
    Me: Yup, Mama and Will are going home.
    DS: Eat.
    Me: Yup, we'll eat dinner.
    DS: Mama, Will eat.
    Me: Yup, Mama and Will will eat dinner.
    DS: Dada?
    Me: Dada is working.  I bet he'll eat dinner at work though.
    DS: Kitties?
    Me: Yes, the kitties will eat dinner.
    DS: Samwich?
    Me: No, no sandwiches tonight.  We're having pasta.
    DS: Pasta.  Mama, Will.
    Me: Yes, Mama and Will are having pasta.
    DS: Kitties?
    Me: No, the kitties won't eat pasta.  They'll eat kitty food.

    Anyway you get the idea. Yes it can be annoying but at the same time it's not that big of a deal to chatter along with him and, maybe it's because it's still so new, but I LOVE communicating with DS and hearing what he's thinking.

     The rest I don't have much for.  DS is still in the easily distractable phase for tantrums and if that doesn't work then talking through what he's mad about ususally does.  

    ::shrugs::  Apparently he's making up for his craptastic sleep by being amazingly good-natured for a toddler. I'll take what I can get!

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  • imageluvlieK:

    I repeat what C says to me, most of the time because I think it reinforces how it should sound.  (since we all know that it doesn't always come out of their mouths right lol)  He doesn't get frustrated if I don't.  But I believe that he gets frustrated if he thinks I am not listening.  So that might be where most the issue is.  Especially since she used to get ALL of your attention and now she has to share.

     

    This is exactly what I was thinking.  It could be one of those things where if you play along with her and really listen and repeat for a half hour the rest of the day she'll be ok with shared attention.

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  • Ugh, I hear you on the t.v. thing.  C is obsessed with it.

    I let them watch a show in the morning before school and a show while I'm preparing dinner.  That's it.  The other day C cried and screamed for 45 minutes because it was time to turn the t.v. off.  Ugh.  I just calmly explained to him in simple terms why I turned off the t.v. and tried to engage him in another activity.  Didn't work.  So, I ignored him and played with the wooden blocks with J and made it sound super fun so that C would join in.  Eventually, he did and the t.v. was forgotten.

    I've found that it's better for everyone if I save my own t.v. watching for when the kids are asleep.  This is a challenge when DH is in town because he loves t.v. and keeps it on even if he's not watching.  But, he's gone 5 days a week so I have a bit more influence.  ;)

    GL - toddlers are frustrating creatures!

    Mama to two boys and a girl: J (6 yrs), C (4 yrs) and A (4 mo)
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  • I am absolutely no help on how to address her issues but I did check out an article this morning that might help you cope. Here it is. I've done a LOT of those things to help calm myself down with DS is screaming. Some of them are utterly ridiculous. I find that helpful. Force yourself to do them and they may help. Personally, I'm fond of counting to 100 in a robot voice and singing a silly song about why I'm angry / frustrated.
  • I am absolutely no help on how to address her issues but I did check out an article this morning that might help you cope. Here it is. I've done a LOT of those things to help calm myself down with DS is screaming. Some of them are utterly ridiculous. I find that helpful. Force yourself to do them and they may help. Personally, I'm fond of counting to 100 in a robot voice and singing a silly song about why I'm angry / frustrated.
  • Bruce did that repetition thing as well. Saying the same thing, wanting me to repeat everything he said. It doesn't really bother me - I look at it as something we did all.the.time when he was learning to talk so why should I not continue to encourage it. He would say something and we would often repeat it back to him the correct way if he had messed up a word or used letters in the wrong place. We still do it. He's gotten better about demanding us to repeat things. It seemed to be a phase. We didn't dwell on it and it went away rather quickly on its own.

     As for the tv asking thing - she's too little to remember and understand the after lunchtime/naptime thing still I would suspect. A friend of mine used "the show is having a rest" or something like that, I mostly used redirection. If he's had too much tv and I don't want him to have anymore I try to encourage another activity. But honestly, this is about the age where I started allowing more television becuase if he wanted it in the am and it meant i could get some things done in peace then that was fine with me. If you're not comfortable with that, though, I think you'll just have to keep saying that it isn't on until after lunchtime and help her learn that. 

    As for the patience thing I just sometimes walk out of the room or shut my eyes and pretend like I'm somewhere else if I can't walk out of the room. Shut my eyes, count in my head, breathe deeply. He's still right next to me but it still helps me calm down a bit and focus. And in the worst parenting move ever sometimes I just give in to whatever he wants - I have learned I have to pick my battles. And extra episode of Fireman Sam or an extra muffin or whatever he wants is just not worth the headache sometimes. 

  • imageLotte134:

    I the repition is totally normal toddler stuff and how they learn.  DS repeats everything a million times and loves when I go along with him.  A normal ride home from daycare sounds pretty much like this:

    DS: Home
    Me: Yup, Mama and Will are going home.
    DS: Eat.
    Me: Yup, we'll eat dinner.
    DS: Mama, Will eat.
    Me: Yup, Mama and Will will eat dinner.
    DS: Dada?
    Me: Dada is working.  I bet he'll eat dinner at work though.
    DS: Kitties?
    Me: Yes, the kitties will eat dinner.
    DS: Samwich?
    Me: No, no sandwiches tonight.  We're having pasta.
    DS: Pasta.  Mama, Will.
    Me: Yes, Mama and Will are having pasta.
    DS: Kitties?
    Me: No, the kitties won't eat pasta.  They'll eat kitty food.

    Anyway you get the idea. Yes it can be annoying but at the same time it's not that big of a deal to chatter along with him and, maybe it's because it's still so new, but I LOVE communicating with DS and hearing what he's thinking.

     The rest I don't have much for.  DS is still in the easily distractable phase for tantrums and if that doesn't work then talking through what he's mad about ususally does.  

    ::shrugs::  Apparently he's making up for his craptastic sleep by being amazingly good-natured for a toddler. I'll take what I can get!

    We do have only the specific times that she watches.  I may try a schedule to see if it helps...I don't know if she'd "get" it though.

    A pretty typical conversation with her (not just TV related) goes like this:

    Her - "Mickey mouse"

    Me - "Mickey mouse isn't on yet, I will turn it on when it is time."

    Her - "Mickey mouse"

    Me - "Not yet, in (however long) it will be on."

    Her - "Mickey mouse!" (starting to get upset)

    Me - "It.is.not.on.  Calm down please.  Why don't you play with (insert toy here)?"

    Her - "Mickey mouse" (more upset)

    Me: Calm down or we aren't going to watch it at all.

     She will stay calm for a bit and then starts all over again.

    I think I'll try not having the TV on for me and see how that goes.  Thanks ladies!

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  • imagecrackerjackprinter:
    imageLotte134:

    I the repition is totally normal toddler stuff and how they learn.  DS repeats everything a million times and loves when I go along with him.  A normal ride home from daycare sounds pretty much like this:

    DS: Home
    Me: Yup, Mama and Will are going home.
    DS: Eat.
    Me: Yup, we'll eat dinner.
    DS: Mama, Will eat.
    Me: Yup, Mama and Will will eat dinner.
    DS: Dada?
    Me: Dada is working.  I bet he'll eat dinner at work though.
    DS: Kitties?
    Me: Yes, the kitties will eat dinner.
    DS: Samwich?
    Me: No, no sandwiches tonight.  We're having pasta.
    DS: Pasta.  Mama, Will.
    Me: Yes, Mama and Will are having pasta.
    DS: Kitties?
    Me: No, the kitties won't eat pasta.  They'll eat kitty food.

    Anyway you get the idea. Yes it can be annoying but at the same time it's not that big of a deal to chatter along with him and, maybe it's because it's still so new, but I LOVE communicating with DS and hearing what he's thinking.

     The rest I don't have much for.  DS is still in the easily distractable phase for tantrums and if that doesn't work then talking through what he's mad about ususally does.  

    ::shrugs::  Apparently he's making up for his craptastic sleep by being amazingly good-natured for a toddler. I'll take what I can get!

    We do have only the specific times that she watches.  I may try a schedule to see if it helps...I don't know if she'd "get" it though.

    A pretty typical conversation with her (not just TV related) goes like this:

    Her - "Mickey mouse"

    Me - "Mickey mouse isn't on yet, I will turn it on when it is time."

    Her - "Mickey mouse"

    Me - "Not yet, in (however long) it will be on."

    Her - "Mickey mouse!" (starting to get upset)

    Me - "It.is.not.on.  Calm down please.  Why don't you play with (insert toy here)?"

    Her - "Mickey mouse" (more upset)

    Me: Calm down or we aren't going to watch it at all.

     She will stay calm for a bit and then starts all over again.

    I think I'll try not having the TV on for me and see how that goes.  Thanks ladies!

    Why not start asking her about Mickey with the first time she says it?  Like C and I will discuss what happened on a show and what he liked about it, etc.  Or what he thinks Mickey is doing now.  That way it could be a more positive convo and not be so stressful for both of you?

    47 months &
    11 months
  • I think Luvlie's idea is really good.

    I also think that not having the tv on at all is really the best thing you can do. If I have our tv on so I can watch something, say while I'm nursing E, then Bruce will just want it on his shows. It doesn't matter if we just turned off his show or whatever - if its on he thinks it should be showing something he enjoys. We actually just put the tv in a cupboard so we can even go the full length of shutting it away entirely. He would just turn it on himself and then get a time out if I'd told him no and he really wanted a show. So now I can shut it away and he forgets about it a lot more easily. It has cut back on our tv time drastically. I thought about making a slipcover or something to go over the tv before we had this option (old tv would never have fit, we got a flat screen to put in the cupboard) when I was really desperate but I don't know how to sew well enough....

  • imagecrackerjackprinter:

    A pretty typical conversation with her (not just TV related) goes like this:

    Her - "Mickey mouse"

    Me - "Mickey mouse isn't on yet, I will turn it on when it is time."

    Her - "Mickey mouse"

    Me - "Not yet, in (however long) it will be on."

    Her - "Mickey mouse!" (starting to get upset)

    At this point I'd try to head the conversation elsewhere.  I'd either talk to her about how disappointing it is that it isn't on yet (I really wish Mickey Mouse was on.  I'm so sad we can't watch it right now!) or take Luvlie's suggestion and talk about the characters, etc...  

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  • we've had luck with this "technique"/idea

    basically if DS is saying he wants something and starting to tantrum, we get down eye-to-eye and say waht he's saying until he recognizes what we are saying and calms. then we say why he can't.  it works surprisingly well!

    example: DS:"A want chocolate. want chocolate.agggh!!!"  mommy: "A wants chocolate?  A wants chocolate?" calms down.  "i know A wants chocolate, but you just had crackers so you can have apple instead" if he still continues (usually not whining) about wanting chocolate (or whatever.video, markers, etc). i will say again "i know A wants chocolate.  we can have some later".  it works very well at stopping the noisy tantrums.

     

    now if only it worked on the voices in my brain telling me to eat chocolate....

  • imagedieselmonkey:

    we've had luck with this "technique"/idea

    basically if DS is saying he wants something and starting to tantrum, we get down eye-to-eye and say waht he's saying until he recognizes what we are saying and calms. then we say why he can't.  it works surprisingly well!

    example: DS:"A want chocolate. want chocolate.agggh!!!"  mommy: "A wants chocolate?  A wants chocolate?" calms down.  "i know A wants chocolate, but you just had crackers so you can have apple instead" if he still continues (usually not whining) about wanting chocolate (or whatever.video, markers, etc). i will say again "i know A wants chocolate.  we can have some later".  it works very well at stopping the noisy tantrums.

     

    now if only it worked on the voices in my brain telling me to eat chocolate....

    Thanks!  

    I suppose if you started talking like that to yourself people *might* think you're crazy!

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