Pressure to Help LO "Catch Up"
Hi Ladies,
We got the latest EI developemental assessment results this morning and our LO (currently 8.5 months actual, 5 adjusted) is showing a couple months delay from his adjusted age in several areas. I knew this was likely, knew it was probably coming, and yet it's still not easy to hear. I'm feeling so much pressure to make every waking moment of LO's count by doing all the strategies, positiong, etc, that EI has worked with us on. The pressure is literally weighing me down. Our LO has been through so much and I feel like he deserves the absolute best parenting to help him "catch up by 2" like they say, and I find myself constantly second guessing and analyzing our "play" time wondering if I'm doing everything ok.
I don't want this to come out like I'm complaining, but it's a question that has been nagging me. For full term, healthy infants, do parents have to be consciously aware of all these things and working on them with their kids, or do their kids just hit these developmental milestones without purposefully working towards them? This is our first child and I don't know what's "normal" for a healthy term baby. The mentalitly from family and friends that "LO's out of the hospital, everything's ok now" has been so frustrating lately. I'm so glad to have a place to come where people just get it. Thanks.
Re: Pressure to Help LO "Catch Up"
I think termie parents feel this way as well. I don't think you should feel pressure to "catch up by 2" because every baby is different and develops at their own rate. My mom told me that my uncle, who was a full term healthy baby, did not speak or do anything until he was about 3 years old.
DD is only 4 weeks adjusted, so I don't have to worry about this right now, but I figure that if I do everything I would have done had she been born full term (read to her, play with her, sing to her, etc) she'll be ok eventually.
It is hard, and therapy stinks. It's not fun having your LO be evaluated all the time, and trying to enjoy them while balancing the worry, and helping them to be their best.
My best advice to you is instead of thinking of your LO's "delays", just think of where they are, and "what is next". Just keep helping them with whatever is next on their timeline. That way you can enjoy the milestones as they come, and still help your LO to be their best. It's easier said than done, this I know. It helped me that our therapists always phrased it this way too. I'd ask your therapists what is next, instead of where LO charts out.
I will say this too. My Evan didn't crawl till almost a year adjusted, didn't walk till 16 months adjusted, and he's completely caught up now. The only thing he doesn't do is jump, and he's trying. We get asked if he's 3 when we're out and about now. It's been a nice change, and was a long road to get here. Try not to stress too much, just do what you can when you can. I quickly realized that if I stressed to much about it I wasn't enjoying the moments that were in front of me.......that's just not worth it. We've already been cheated out of enough.
Hugs!
I needed to hear this today. Thank You!
Thanks so much for your reply. The encouragement and advice to just work toward the next step was great to hear. It's also so nice to be validated that yes, this is hard. So glad and reassuring to hear of all of your Evan's progress. I really, really have to work at living in and enjoying the moments, and you're right, we've already been cheated out of enough. Thanks!!
Aw, he's not delayed yet. He's not even a month adjusted - he's not supposed to be smiling, tracking or have head control. Please don't worry for another month and look at his adjusted age, not actual.