xp-- DS broke my heart, and suggestion, please.
DS is with exH from yesterday morning until tomorrow morning. L was so excited to see him, and they talked about going to fishing.
Last night exH called me, and L was bawling, absolutely bawling, on the phone.
"I wanna (sob) go (sob) home, mommy. I (sob) miss yoou. I (sob) wanna go to your (sob), mommy. I love you!!"
I told him that his daddy missed him, and loved him, and I will see him on Monday.
Broke my freaking heart.
I know it is something they need to work out, and that L does need to spend time with exH. A small piece of me thinks that exH wanted me to come pick him up (which I didn't as I was at the BF's parents for the weekend).
I just don't want L to think that I abandoned him, you know? He is still young, and this is really the first time that I have been aware that he has struggled during a visit (began in January).
Any suggestions how to work with L to try to prevent this in the future?
My heart is really heavy about this. I want L to know I love him, and that his daddy loves him too. It can't be easy on exH hearing that either (not that I care, but my feelings would be hurt if the roles were reversed). I just want to these visits to go as smoothly as possible for both of them.
Re: xp-- DS broke my heart, and suggestion, please.
That stinks. I can imagine it was really tugging on your heart strings. From what I've seen with my SOs LO it's normal. She has days when she misses Mommy and days when she misses Daddy. We make sure she gets to talk to BM and she makes sure LO gets to talk to SO.
I think you both handled it well and hopefully with time and routine it will get easier.
I replied on the other board but wanted to say ditto to this.
My SDs used to do this when they were with us. When they were younger, they were with us for the summer and they were only 5 and 6, so I know it was hard on them. I noticed it's a little easier if they call her during the day, rather than right before bed. When we get through doing something fun, we say "oh, do you want to call your mom and tell her about all the fun we just had?" so then they have something positive and exciting to tell her and they're focusing on that instead of being sad. HTH!
Kids are so resilient-I'm sure he bounced right back after the incident right? I mean, it's not like he spent the rest of the weekend sobbing and miserable?
Hopefully. And if so, make sure you talk with L about how it all turned out all right, and although (of course) you missed him like crazy too and wanted to come get him, you couldn't take him from daddy...he loves and misses him too so we all have to share.
Of course, I'm assuming he called crying because he missed you and wasn't used to being away but unfortunately he will have to get used to it. I think you did the right thing...even if we were 5 minutes away we wouldn't rush to get my FI's son because barring some urgent emergency or catastrophe children have to learn how to cope and move on. And caving to their spur of the moment flight response isn't teaching them any lessons or doing them any favors in the long run. Trust from experience-the older they get the quicker they catch on that these little triggers can play you like a violin!
And maybe exH did get onto him about something, or hurt his feelings.. .either way you don't want to undermine his authority even as much as you want to be L's savior. Maybe exH has a clue as to what went wrong and could use Your advice on how to prevent it from happening again. It certainly couldn't have been easy on him either.
Poor little guy
Sounds like you handled it well.
I am sure it was a temporary freak out on his part, ad he felt better given time. If it becomes a regular thing, then maybe you can send a picture of you and him together the he can keep close, in his bedroom at his dad's or in his pocket.