Need a nice way to tell the in-laws (baby gear related)...

drea_raye

So my DH is an only child. I am one of four. My parents have long been giving me money for occasions, and that is just fine with me. But DH's parents are more the type to buy stuff.

Today MIL was talking about a crib her sister had seen at WalMart... converts to a bed, yada yada... I have been looking at cribs (and making DH do the same) and there are ones that I like, and ones I don't like. I made a comment along the lines of not really trusting/ wanting a crib from Walmart, mostly because we are looking at the fact that they convert to a bed, and I want something nice. The one we do like is this one https://www.toysrus.ca/product/index.jsp?productId=3757557&prodFindSrc=rv so reasonably priced in my opinion. She said she was glad she didn't buy us the Walmart one then...

They have offered to "buy" us stuff before, and then have been shocked at the price. Some part of that is not really having shopped for the item themselves they don't really know what it costs, and some of it is that I am a bit picky. We make sure it is what we would have wanted to spend if they weren't helping.

How do we tell them not to buy us big stuff without checking what we want first? And is there a way that we could encourage them to pay what they want towards it, rather than freaking when it costs more? I don't really want to say... look we'll register, please stick to that, but it is kinda how I feel.

I can only imagine how they would react to the price of swings, or the 3 in one carseat that seems to make the most sense to me right now.

(As an aside, holy crap, babies are expensive!)

JordanB23

I would just go ahead and register early.  Once you have it done (at least for the big stuff) be sure to bring up how excited you are about the stuff that you picked out at BRU or Target or wherever you register at.  Maybe they will stick to it  then and they can look at the price before they buy.

SunDrop11

I'm kind of in the same boat, but with one of DH's grandmothers. He just told me a little while ago that she's already started buying us things that she has found at yard sales. He mentioned a Diaper Genie was one of the things she picked up for us. It's great that she wants to help us out and I know she's excited, but goodness! I've barely started looking around to figure out what all I want/need. I'm also a little picky about getting things from yard sales. There are some items that I have no problem getting used, but there are certain things that I want to be able to get brand new and pick out exactly what is going to work best for us and our baby.

On that note, I agree with PP and register early and encourage people to look at that to see what you guys want. I probably need to do the same thing! Best of luck to you!

Joes_love

i would just tell them that while you appreciate their eagerness to help, you want to do research on getting the best for your baby.  once you've done the research and picked things out, you can let them know you're done and see if there's anything they'd like to provide for you from that list.

i did that, and once my il's saw my list they felt more comfy just giving us money to use on whatever we felt necessary.  or ask them to give you a price limit and shop within that...that's what my parent's did when they wanted to buy our crib for us. 

drea_raye

Thanks for the advice

We just got back from supper at their place, and I think it may be a constant battle against what we want and what they think without stepping on toes. Like we mentioned that we might not want a stroller at all... MIL asked about while shopping (I am all about the baby wearing, then I might have room for stuff in a cart? vs trying to pack it in the stroller...), FIL asked about it we wanted to just walk from our place to their cabin (we live in a cabin area, they are 5 houses/ cabins down) we explained that we would probably just use a carrier.

When they pushed we explained that the type of stroller that could handle our road costs $450 they got quieter about that...

FIL was talking about how we shouldn't worry about buying stuff, since we will have a shower...  I am thinking we are going to have to register, maybe tomorrow, but are still going to end up with a bunch of things we don't need or want.

I love them, but some days I wish they were more like my parents... which is to say a little less involved. This may be their first grandbaby, but it is my first baby, and they had one of those already.

PinkLove-S

I would honestly say that buying these things for your baby especially if this is your first is a very special time for you and you don't want to NOT be a part of it. If they get you something you don't like you could always get what you wanted and give it to one of the inlaws to keep at their house and say you got it as a gift. I understand them trying to do the nice thing but still, this all sounds a little crazy. Ah, inlaws!

jayellekay

I totally understand what you're saying about wanting to get the things YOU want, versus what your ILs think you need. However, as far as the Wal-Mart crib goes, just as an FYI, they carry the exact same brands as BRU and Target and anywhere else. Most cribs are made by one of a few manufacturers. Even if you don't recognize the name, just do a little internet research, and you'll see it's probably made by a much larger company that you do recognize.  Good luck!

drea_raye

I am okay with the Walmart brand, but not the look of the particular ones that they sell here... not sure what it is like elsewhere, but they probably only have two cribs in stock at any point here, and I didn't like the ones I saw when I went there.

Not to mention the fact that if we are intending it to be converted for life, they are talking about cheaping out on permanent household furniture. Frankly they can have an opinion about the swing if they want... furniture is a dealbreaker.

I think I am just going to have to chill and politely disagree. It is our own fault for bringing up the subject anyway... we were telling them about how we went on a recon shopping mission to all of the baby stores today. 

mrsjanks

I am a blunt person, so I would just say that you and your DH want to buy the stuff. You will tell them what you want if they are willing to buy. Just me. I don't play with stuff like that. I understand that people want to help, but I always tell them that I am picky and will get what I want. No, I'm not a b!tch. It's just my personality.

drea_raye

Thanks MrsJanks... honestly that is exactly how I feel... I think I can manage to keep it polite and civil, I was kinda starting to think I might have just been a jerk for not appreciating their generosity...

DH and I really don't want a lot of junk... and so I figure what we do get should be worth buying. There are plenty of smaller things that they can buy... or I would be delighted if they offered to put $x towards the crib.

Sure if people didn't want to pick out their own things then they wouldn't have registries!

mek10976

I think your DH needs to step up and have a conversation with his parents.  Maybe he can explain that the two of you are really looking forward to choosing things together (since it is your first baby) and doing lots of research to make sure you are getting the best bang for your buck.  If they want to contribute, they are welcome to put forth what amount they are comfortable with, especially since you are learning how expensive things are. 

Oh, and maybe add something about their being recalls for baby gear, so you are choosing items you know are safe and long-lasting.  They can't fault you for keeping their grandchild safe!