This seemed like the best place to post this. I am sorry if I offend anyone since we aren't really adopting. I just figured someone here has had to have dealt with this.
We are in the middle of getting custody of my 14 year old sister in law. Her mother is a drug user, and currently been arrested under felony charges.. Her father is a selfish jerk. And things are a bit rocky. and I would love some advice on how to handle some problems.
She refused to do anything without step by step directions, I'm not kidding. I asked her to fill the dishwasher yesterday and I had to sit there and show her where every little thing went. This is not the first time she has used the dishwasher. I asked her to turn the Vacuum on because I was across the room. She stands there without looking at the Vacuum and goes" I dont know how". I have a kirby and there is a HUGE button that says " ON OFF". I said look at it and I bet you can figure it out. She throws up her hands and walks away.
I tried to talk to her about walking
away from me or my husband when we ask her to do something or have a question, explaining that its disrespectful and WE would like to figure out a way around it. Any time we explain that something isn't going ot be allowed she throws it in my face I'm not her mother and her mom is in jail so I shouldnt yell at her. I am 21 years old I'm not trying to be her mother. I'm trying to run a smooth household. I'm trying to lay the ground work for a good relationship. and I do care that her mother is in jail. I understand she is under a lot of emotional stress , but seriously I'm not going to let her use that as an excuse. What do I do ? I am so lose? Do I take it easier or just keep doing what I am doing?
I know alot of this is my fault, I had a rough childhood due to my mothers illness , but we were always taught life is hard and you suck it up and deal with it. That you still have to be a good person and work hard no matter what. I know she hasnt been taught like that and everyone has babied her because "poor E " has been through so much. And I do need to stop expecting so much. I just dont understand her. by the time I was 14 I was the one cooking/clean and taking care of my mother when she wasn't in the hospital. I don't know if this is an act that she doesnt know how to do dishes , vaccum ,fold laundry.But the fact she wont even try drives me INSANE.
Another thing. I'm pregnant. We are trying to get her into the pregnancy , but I didn't want her coming to the first ultra-sound DUE to the fact I had had a lot of problems during the first 12 weeks and I was so scared we would go in and something would be wrong. We got her her own picture of the baby and a frame. She wont let me lives it down. Trying to make me feel bad that my husband and I dont want her in our lives we were just forced to take her. Which isnt true , We fought for her. We went through hell to get her, but I dont feel right telling her that. But she already makes comments about how " this baby is going to keep her up" , "we'll love the baby more". I'm worried about that.
okay the last thing that really worries me. Her father sent her here with $50 . We will go to the store and she will ask for a candy and I tell her no , we have candy at home. She then will grab the candy and buy it herself, This happens if she wants clothes or anything I say no to. I don't mind her buying stuff for herself . ITs the fact that when I say No she just goes around me. What should I do for that.
Thank you and I am sorry that this was so long. I'm just that lost. And yes I am in the middle of trying to contach someone like a soical worker to help us , but in the meantime I need help. Thank you