My DW and I are hoping to adopt an infant and we plan to change the full name. We haven't thought much about changing an older childs name, our age range is 0-6 years.
Lil J came to us at 3 yrs old (3 weeks after his birthday). He was with us for about a year before we even knew he HAD a middle name. So, from the start we always knew we would give him a middle name.
When we found out his middle name, we did not like it anyway - so we KNEW we would change it.
That said, we will not change his first name, even though it is not a name I would have picked myself. We will probably give him a family name as his middle. And, of course we will change his last name to match ours.
If I HATED the name, or it was just plain horrible, I would have changed the first name as well.
We did domestic infant adoption and discussed the name with the BM prior to birth. She filled out the birth certificate and put Payton's entire name, including our last name, on the birth certificate.
She does have two middle names -- one chosen by us and one chosen by her BM. Technically we could have dropped her other middle name, but we chose to honor her BM's wishes that we use that middle name.
I think opinions on name changes differ from domestic to international to foster/adopt.
I voted yes because I want to name the child as if it were my owe. We plan on using names from our families to name our children. I think it would mean alot to our family and hopefully bring the child closer to us and our families. We haven't yet been approved to adopt yet so I don't know how a BM would feel about it or not. I guess we shall see how it all works out.
We adopted a newborn. Her birthmom had a name for her, but only because she didn't want the hospital paperwork to all say Baby Girl. She said it sounded too impersonal to her. But she went into the adoption knowing full well that we were going to give her a name we chose. We told her what it was and she loved it.
We didnt change DS's name. But, I liked his name :-). Also he was 9 months old when he came to us, so I felt like he already identified with his name. If he were a newborn infant, I would definitely have changed his name (if i didnt already like it :-)
It completely depends on the age of the child and any feelings he/she might have about it. An infant is fair game in my book after that I'm not so sure what I would do but I know I would never change a name against a childs wishes.
ETA: I only changed my DD's last name, which was per law, when I adopted her at age 12. By that age there was no question that that is who she was. I was going to let her pick her own middle name but she never came up with one. We've talked about it since and she said at the time of the adoption she was hoping for a new name to go with a new start but is now really glad that I didn't change her name. I've always thought her given name was beautiful anyways.
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I did not care for DD's first name but after we were told it was a family name we just added to it and kept it. I wanted to keep DD's middle name which is her birth aunts name but DH did not. DH is very funny about things so we had several idea we were thinking of and it older DD got the harder it was to think about changing her name. I was talking about the ideas for DD's name with her birth grandmother and we all finally agreed on Ginalynn Sullivan Our last name instead of Gina L...... Old last name. Lynn is for my late brother and Sullivan is for DH's last name before he was adopted by his stepfather. It was all very sticky at times but everyone seems to be happy now and call DD by the name we gave her.
DD is a foster child, when we got her she was only 4 weeks old, we dont hate her name, but dont love it either. We are going to be adopting her, its just a waiting game now- but just recently our caseworker gave us the go ahead to call her by her new name- so I kinda just string all her names together, so she can get used to the new name.
The name her bio mom gave her is bio mom's mothers name (who had passed away) I want all ties severed to the bio mom and no connection-that was another reason I wanted to change DD's name. Also even our case worker said- her new name just fits her personality.
Our Journey from two to three!
3 IUI's, 2 IVF's, decided to move to foster/adopt.
12/24/2009 Baby C born, 2/1/2010 placed with us,
5/17/2011 Adoption final- we are finally a forever family!
We changed their names for safety purposes since they are from foster care and they have the same BM. Their whole names have been changed. DS1's given birth first name is now his 2nd middle name and DS2s given birth middle name is his 2nd middle name. We kept those 2 for specific reasons as DS1's given name is the same as my brother's first name and DS2's is FIL's middle name. They each have 2 middle names and all are OUR family names and representing each side in their names as well. I dropped DS2t's given first name all together because I hate it. AND he has never been called that name except for paperwork purposes since we brought him home from the hospital. DS1 took to his name change like he'd always had that name.
Quinn's birth mom wanted a say in his name, so she gave us a short list and we discussed the names together. We loved all of her choices, and she loved the middle name we chose.
I will say, I never anticipated this issue coming up. We had our own names in mind. But it meant a lot to his birth mom, and I came to realize how important it was for her to name him. She put his full name, with our last name, on the birth certificate.
The BM used the name she picked out for the birth certificate. It was officially changed upon finalization and we received the new birth certificate with the name we chose a few weeks later.
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I cannot say for sure that I will change it, because I guess there's a possibility that the birthmother will use the name we pick. But, we have names that we want to use and that are special to us, and it is important to me not to have that taken from me, after everything else that I've lost.
We adopted our son at 8 days old. He had been named in the hospital by his birthmother before she decided to place him for adoption. We decided we wanted to honor her (and his connection to his birth brothers, as all three boys were given Bible names), so we used the first name our son was given by his birthmother for his middle name and we gave him a new first name. The ritual of naming a child seemed important to me in terms of our own bonding and making it seem "real" that he was our child, if that makes sense. That being said, I would definitely be willing to not change the name if that was important to our birthmother or if the child was older.
If we hadn't changed DD's name, it would have been Baby Girl...but we would have changed it anyway, because she's our daughter and we had a name picked our for our daughter.
Had we adopted an older child, we would have kept their name...I think it's too hard for a child who knows their name to have it changed. Their lives are in upheaval anyway, it seems mean to add another level to that.
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We had our own names in mind. But it meant a lot to his birth mom, and
I came to realize how important it was for her to name him. She
put his full name, with our last name, on the birth certificate.
That's why I chose "special snowflake." We're thinking of full names (first + middle), but I want to be open to a BM's preference if she feels strongly about having input.
We had our own names in mind. But it meant a lot to his birth mom, and I came to realize how important it was for her to name him. She put his full name, with our last name, on the birth certificate.
That's why I chose "special snowflake." We're thinking of full names (first + middle), but I want to be open to a BM's preference if she feels strongly about having input.
I think that's really smart. You just don't know until you're in the situation. Love makes you do crazy things sometimes, lol. In truth, we love our baby's name. It is perfect for him.
Special snowflake...we used part of our son's birthnames as their American names. We gave them first names that we chose and used their Korean given names as their middle names.
In Ethiopia, children are only given a first name and last name (no middle name). We moved our sons last name to his middle name, gave him our last name, and kept his first name the same.
His now middle name is actually his birth father's first name (custom in Ethiopia). His first name was given to him by his birth parents. We wanted to honor his birth family and his culture, so we kept it as is. It was one of the hardest decisions we've had to make, but looking back, it was an easy decision and I'm glad we decided to keep his name.
I just wanted to add, as some pp have stated, that some BM's will ask you to use a certain name. We had several of these it seems like, and then we haven't heard about it in a while.
In our case, our BM interviewed us and another couple. One of her requirements, was that whoever she chose would use her middle name as the baby's middle name if it was a girl. We already had a name chosen, so we asked her if we could use the name we had selected (first and middle) with the additional middle name -- so our baby girl has four names -- First Middle Middle Last. I don't love her other middle name, but I don't hate it either, and it's definitely grown on me! Plus, when she's older, I'll have four names to yell instead of three!
The other couple's response to that question was a quick "no" -- they already had a name selected that was special to them and they would not change it, period. And so we were chosen instead. That was one of several reasons, but it was such a small request in the grand scheme of things -- she was going to be giving us a gift beyond comprehension or measure -- BLESSING us with a child, the least we could do was honor her request.
Just something to think about for those of you who don't have matches yet. For us it came up in the initial interview. For some others, I think it came up later in the match.
butterflygrooves
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Re: Poll: Changing Names
My DW and I are hoping to adopt an infant and we plan to change the full name. We haven't thought much about changing an older childs name, our age range is 0-6 years.
Two Mommies Healing Hearts
Lil J came to us at 3 yrs old (3 weeks after his birthday). He was with us for about a year before we even knew he HAD a middle name. So, from the start we always knew we would give him a middle name.
When we found out his middle name, we did not like it anyway - so we KNEW we would change it.
That said, we will not change his first name, even though it is not a name I would have picked myself. We will probably give him a family name as his middle. And, of course we will change his last name to match ours.
If I HATED the name, or it was just plain horrible, I would have changed the first name as well.
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We did domestic infant adoption and discussed the name with the BM prior to birth. She filled out the birth certificate and put Payton's entire name, including our last name, on the birth certificate.
She does have two middle names -- one chosen by us and one chosen by her BM. Technically we could have dropped her other middle name, but we chose to honor her BM's wishes that we use that middle name.
I think opinions on name changes differ from domestic to international to foster/adopt.
I agree. Or perhaps more specifically, it may differ more depending on the age of the child adopted.
M is 7, and has lost everything familiar. The last thing we wanted was to strip him of his name and part of his identity, too.
We adopted a newborn. Her birthmom had a name for her, but only because she didn't want the hospital paperwork to all say Baby Girl. She said it sounded too impersonal to her. But she went into the adoption knowing full well that we were going to give her a name we chose. We told her what it was and she loved it.
It completely depends on the age of the child and any feelings he/she might have about it. An infant is fair game in my book after that I'm not so sure what I would do but I know I would never change a name against a childs wishes.
ETA: I only changed my DD's last name, which was per law, when I adopted her at age 12. By that age there was no question that that is who she was. I was going to let her pick her own middle name but she never came up with one. We've talked about it since and she said at the time of the adoption she was hoping for a new name to go with a new start but is now really glad that I didn't change her name. I've always thought her given name was beautiful anyways.
DD is a foster child, when we got her she was only 4 weeks old, we dont hate her name, but dont love it either. We are going to be adopting her, its just a waiting game now- but just recently our caseworker gave us the go ahead to call her by her new name- so I kinda just string all her names together, so she can get used to the new name.
The name her bio mom gave her is bio mom's mothers name (who had passed away) I want all ties severed to the bio mom and no connection-that was another reason I wanted to change DD's name. Also even our case worker said- her new name just fits her personality.
Quinn's birth mom wanted a say in his name, so she gave us a short list and we discussed the names together. We loved all of her choices, and she loved the middle name we chose.
I will say, I never anticipated this issue coming up. We had our own names in mind. But it meant a lot to his birth mom, and I came to realize how important it was for her to name him. She put his full name, with our last name, on the birth certificate.
The BM used the name she picked out for the birth certificate. It was officially changed upon finalization and we received the new birth certificate with the name we chose a few weeks later.
If we hadn't changed DD's name, it would have been Baby Girl...but we would have changed it anyway, because she's our daughter and we had a name picked our for our daughter.
Had we adopted an older child, we would have kept their name...I think it's too hard for a child who knows their name to have it changed. Their lives are in upheaval anyway, it seems mean to add another level to that.
That's why I chose "special snowflake." We're thinking of full names (first + middle), but I want to be open to a BM's preference if she feels strongly about having input.
I think that's really smart. You just don't know until you're in the situation. Love makes you do crazy things sometimes, lol. In truth, we love our baby's name. It is perfect for him.
In Ethiopia, children are only given a first name and last name (no middle name). We moved our sons last name to his middle name, gave him our last name, and kept his first name the same.
His now middle name is actually his birth father's first name (custom in Ethiopia). His first name was given to him by his birth parents. We wanted to honor his birth family and his culture, so we kept it as is. It was one of the hardest decisions we've had to make, but looking back, it was an easy decision and I'm glad we decided to keep his name.
I just wanted to add, as some pp have stated, that some BM's will ask you to use a certain name. We had several of these it seems like, and then we haven't heard about it in a while.
In our case, our BM interviewed us and another couple. One of her requirements, was that whoever she chose would use her middle name as the baby's middle name if it was a girl. We already had a name chosen, so we asked her if we could use the name we had selected (first and middle) with the additional middle name -- so our baby girl has four names -- First Middle Middle Last. I don't love her other middle name, but I don't hate it either, and it's definitely grown on me! Plus, when she's older, I'll have four names to yell instead of three!
The other couple's response to that question was a quick "no" -- they already had a name selected that was special to them and they would not change it, period. And so we were chosen instead. That was one of several reasons, but it was such a small request in the grand scheme of things -- she was going to be giving us a gift beyond comprehension or measure -- BLESSING us with a child, the least we could do was honor her request.
Just something to think about for those of you who don't have matches yet. For us it came up in the initial interview. For some others, I think it came up later in the match.