Would you tell? (Long)

KCKappa

I'm going to dinner with my closest friend tonight. I had planned to tell her I'm pregnant (the only other people we've told are our immediate families and we won't be telling anyone else until after first tri) - but now another friend of hers, whom I've never met, is also joining us. I feel weird about telling her with someone I don't know there - even if I can sneak it in before the other girl gets there or something.

The problem is, we normally have at least a glass of wine when we have dinner together, which I obviously won't be doing, and I know she'll notice and wonder about it. She knows we've been trying and I've already had to come up with one lame reason for not drinking - on her birthday! - because we weren't ready to tell anyone yet, so I think she'll definitely figure it out if I do it a second time and be hurt that I'm "hiding" it from her. 

So - would you still tell your friend in this situation? Or just wait until the next opportunity? Any genius comments I can use to pass on the alcohol without creating suspicion (she's a nurse, so I can't make up a medication I'm on)? I know this is silly and I should be able to tell or not tell whenever I feel like it, but I'm curious what others would do.

MissLadyTay

Honestly, if we had told people when we were trying, I wouldn't bother lying now about why I'm not drinking.  They'll figure it out immediately, so your lie kind of falls flat, IMO.  Might as well tell her at this point. 

You can always say you aren't drinking because you think you ate some bad chicken salad or something for lunch, and you aren't feeling well, if you really don't want to tell her.

craftytype

I would definately wait until a time that you can enjoy telling your friend and not feeling rushed.

What about just saying that you and your SO/DH are really trying now and you are avoiding alcohol for a bit, just in case. Since she already knew you were trying and since she is a nurse, I'm sure she would accept this precaution.

 

Catherine75

I think I would probably either call her or text her before hand and tell her that you have some great news you want to share with her, however she doesn't feel comfortable sharing in front of the "other" friend, whom you've never met...

If you want to go the other route, tell her you're on penicillin for a tooth infection or strep throat, just to cover up the fact that you're not drinking... and then maybe tell her some time afterwards... Even if you tell in front of this other friend, who cares? she's a stranger to you so, it's not like she's going to go spilling the beans to your friends and relatives...

Good luck!

Bree4011

I didn't drink when I was TTC because I had read somewhere that there is a better chance to conceive if you don't drink and are healthy.  Also because if I was in the waiting period to find out if we were pregnant, I didn't want to take any chances. 

missmiss307

If I were in the situation, I would probably go ahead and tell. Not worth hurting feelings and possibly jeopardizing your relationship just because the other friend is there. And honestly, if you aren't drinking, it will probably come up naturally, which is an easy springboard to tell her.

azuremama

I would not lie to my best friend about why I'm not drinking.  Especially when you'll probably tell her fairly soon.  That seems unnecessary and somewhat hurtful to me.

I would either tell or just not mention it, even if she wonders.  Can you call her and try to meet a little ahead of time, or linger afterward to tell her? 

snorky147b

I would hold off- of course you told your friend, but like you said, you don't know this other person, so why would you tell her you're trying? 

I would say that you can't drink because of antibiotics for a UTI, maybe just text her before the dinner and ask her to keep it a secret?

on_the_move

I wouldn't say anything unless she specifically asked.  Hopefully if she notices you aren't drinking she will also be concious enough to realize that you may be uncomfortable coming out in front of this other person. 

 If she asks about the alcohol you could just say I'll talk to you about it later, or just come out with it.  I always look more stupid tring make up some story when they may not have noticed anyway.

CutieBean79

If you were already planning on telling her, I would still do that.  

KCKappa

Thanks for the input ladies! I think I'll just see what happens tonight - if we both get there before the other girl, I'll probably tell her then, but if not, I'll just hope my friend doesn't bring it up when I don't order wine. I appreciate all your suggestions!

SheGrimm

I personally wouldn't tell her yet. Maybe tell her you got smashed the night before and even the thought of any alcohol is horrible? LOL I'm not too sure, but I'd have to wait that one out...

KCKappa

Just wanted to update that I went ahead and told her. We both got to the restaurant before the other girl, so I had a few minutes to talk to her in private and it actually worked out very well. She's single and nowhere near wanting kids of her own, so I didn't want her to feel like I wanted to talk about nothing but my pregnancy all night anyway - so when the other girl showed up the topic of conversation naturally changed and that was that. Thanks for all your opinions ladies!