Extremely stressed about my MIL. vent inside

ashonkwiler09

Let me start this off by saying that I probably have the worlds worst mother-in-law. I can't even go into many of the things she has done to me or my husband in the past few years because it's completey embarrassing. She has done and said some really hurtful things to me and I cannot get over everything mostly because she has never apologized for her actions.

DH and I just moved back to his hometown 2 months ago and it's also where his mother lives. Back when Brady has 3 soft markers for DS she went around and told EVERYONE that something was wrong with him. She has been up my a** this entire pregnancy trying to give me crappy advice about how her births where with her two sons. I told her I was taking a breastfeeding class and her response was oh you don't need that I'll teach you.  Sorry but I don't need advice from someone who had a child 27 years ago. Times have changed lady. Yesterday my husband and I showed her the 4D video from our ultrasound on Friday since she wasn't able to make it. She kept going on and on and on about how my son looks just like her. Are you kidding me lady? He looks nothing like you. Thankfully my husband stepped in and said, "Mom, Brady looks just like Ashley not like you at all." I'm so sick of her already and am stressing out about the day of my delivery. I don't not want her in the room with me. She seems to think she is going to be. In fact, I don't want her anywhere near me, DH or the baby until we have had our time with him. We have waited a long time for this day and I don't need her coming in and ripping my son out of my arms which is what she will do. I know this is her first grandchild but she needs to back off.

Vent over.

 

ams8099

I am sorry you are having a hard time with your MIL. Make sure you let your nurse and doctor know your wishes when you deliver. They will follow through with what you want.

ALY1981

ams8099:

I am sorry you are having a hard time with your MIL. Make sure you let your nurse and doctor know your wishes when you deliver. They will follow through with what you want.

 

THIS!  I am so sorry she's being such a PIA. Def be vocal about your wants/needs and she will stay OUT!  Hang in there!

wiscgirl95

Vent away!  She sounds like a peach and possibly may be related to my lovely MIL??  I'd share the gorey details of my MIL from he!! but I don't want to hi-jack your post . . .

As far as the birth, I would get her to understand ASAP she has to wait at home until after he is born.  It's your day, your delivery and you and your DH get to decide how it will go down.  MIL stress is no fun.  Good luck.

ashonkwiler09

wiscgirl95:

Vent away!  She sounds like a peach and possibly may be related to my lovely MIL??  I'd share the gorey details of my MIL from he!! but I don't want to hi-jack your post . . .

As far as the birth, I would get her to understand ASAP she has to wait at home until after he is born.  It's your day, your delivery and you and your DH get to decide how it will go down.  MIL stress is no fun.  Good luck.

Feel free to vent away. I totally understand.

MrsAMR

Ugh, so sorry she's causing you stress.

Have your husband speak to her and make sure she understands that she will not be in the room during the birth.  Worst comes to worst, don't call her until after he's born!

svp1537

I am sorry your MIL is being a PITA and totally stressing you out. It really sounds like she needs to back off and I think your dh should tell her! Also, he needs to let her know in advance, like now, that she is not going to be in the delivery room with you. That is ridiculous that she even thinks that, especially bc I am sure you have never mentioned it!

Vent away to release the stress

wiscgirl95

ashonkwiler09:

wiscgirl95:

Vent away!  She sounds like a peach and possibly may be related to my lovely MIL??  I'd share the gorey details of my MIL from he!! but I don't want to hi-jack your post . . .

As far as the birth, I would get her to understand ASAP she has to wait at home until after he is born.  It's your day, your delivery and you and your DH get to decide how it will go down.  MIL stress is no fun.  Good luck.

Feel free to vent away. I totally understand.

Well, ok, but you asked for it! 

* When my grandmother died the day after my nephew was born and quickly admitted to the NICU she never acknowledged either of these events.  My family was devastated and not doing well.  In stead she cried calling my DH all day on the day of the funeral that she was alone on father's day weekend (the weekend of my grandmother's funeral) and it's so hard to be a widow with no husband on father's day.  She neither sent nor conveyed any expression of sympathy to me or my family.

* MIL knew about our IF from the beginning.  DH is open about stuff and since we were dealing with MFI I left that to him.  The night before his vericocele surgery (which she KNEW ABOUT) she called to ask if I was pregnant.  Nice. 

* DH was getting his BSN from UW Madison in Dec 2009 and we were trying to coordinate her visit for graduation and hopefully get her to stay for Christmas.  She refused saying she would come to the graduation but leave right after and then we could drive to her home (3.5 hours away) 3 days later for Christmas because she didn't want to leave her dog that long. And when she visits we pay for her train ticket.  Of course we encountered a horrific ice storm on the drive there and when we got there (took 6 hours!) we were quizzed about why it took so long and served sloppy joes for Christmas Eve dinner and nothing else.  We were served frozen pizza Christmas night.

* After Christmas she told DH I needed to bite my tongue and get over our IF.  Don't know where that came from since I don't discuss anything with her. 

* When I was in the hospital with bi-lateral PE's for 5 days there was no expression of concern or even a get well soon card. 

* I told DH last month I couldn't believe I had yet to hear any words of congratulations from MIL yet she continued to send me all of her ridiculious email forwards.  Last month at my nephew's christening she asked me "I told you I was happy for you didn't I?"  Rather than get in to I said, "sure".  Then she said "It sure took long enough?".  I walked away.

She is a widow and uses that for sympathy, pity, attention, whatever she can get.  She lets her widowhood define her rather than mother, grandmother, etc.  She gloats in her misery rather than take pride in the accomplishments and success of her sons.  She is constantly looking for ways to manipulate and control my DH and BIL by making them feel guilty about her being all alone even though she turns down rides to Milwaukee or offers for paid train tickets. 

ashonkwiler09

wiscgirl95:

ashonkwiler09:

wiscgirl95:

Vent away!  She sounds like a peach and possibly may be related to my lovely MIL??  I'd share the gorey details of my MIL from he!! but I don't want to hi-jack your post . . .

As far as the birth, I would get her to understand ASAP she has to wait at home until after he is born.  It's your day, your delivery and you and your DH get to decide how it will go down.  MIL stress is no fun.  Good luck.

Feel free to vent away. I totally understand.

Well, ok, but you asked for it! 

* When my grandmother died the day after my nephew was born and quickly admitted to the NICU she never acknowledged either of these events.  My family was devastated and not doing well.  In stead she cried calling my DH all day on the day of the funeral that she was alone on father's day weekend (the weekend of my grandmother's funeral) and it's so hard to be a widow with no husband on father's day.  She neither sent nor conveyed any expression of sympathy to me or my family.

* MIL knew about our IF from the beginning.  DH is open about stuff and since we were dealing with MFI I left that to him.  The night before his vericocele surgery (which she KNEW ABOUT) she called to ask if I was pregnant.  Nice. 

* DH was getting his BSN from UW Madison in Dec 2009 and we were trying to coordinate her visit for graduation and hopefully get her to stay for Christmas.  She refused saying she would come to the graduation but leave right after and then we could drive to her home (3.5 hours away) 3 days later for Christmas because she didn't want to leave her dog that long. And when she visits we pay for her train ticket.  Of course we encountered a horrific ice storm on the drive there and when we got there (took 6 hours!) we were quizzed about why it took so long and served sloppy joes for Christmas Eve dinner and nothing else.  We were served frozen pizza Christmas night.

* After Christmas she told DH I needed to bite my tongue and get over our IF.  Don't know where that came from since I don't discuss anything with her. 

* When I was in the hospital with bi-lateral PE's for 5 days there was no expression of concern or even a get well soon card. 

* I told DH last month I couldn't believe I had yet to hear any words of congratulations from MIL yet she continued to send me all of her ridiculious email forwards.  Last month at my nephew's christening she asked me "I told you I was happy for you didn't I?"  Rather than get in to I said, "sure".  Then she said "It sure took long enough?".  I walked away.

She is a widow and uses that for sympathy, pity, attention, whatever she can get.  She lets her widowhood define her rather than mother, grandmother, etc.  She gloats in her misery rather than take pride in the accomplishments and success of her sons.  She is constantly looking for ways to manipulate and control my DH and BIL by making them feel guilty about her being all alone even though she turns down rides to Milwaukee or offers for paid train tickets. 

I'm so sorry you have such a crappy MIL and she has put you through so many things. She sounds very self centered and hurtful. What is wrong with people?!?

MerryMarisa

Oh hon, I'm sorry you're going through this.  Your MIL sounds totally selfish and BSC...she sucks!  As pp's said, be sure to tell your doctor who will and will not be in the delivery room; she will have no choice but to stay away! 

nikinikinine

oh ash, I'm so sorry. Your MIL does suck. And you have every right to be angry. You're so lucky your husband is on your side though, that will certainly help! GL as you finish the pregnancy and welcome Brady into the world. XOXO.

mrslovebug

I'm telling you....a nice island, shark infested waters, and us on a little cruise ship sipping margaritas and waving....sounds so nice doesn't it?

LTF525

This may sound harsh, but i don't think you all should call her until after the baby has arrived. She sounds like the type who will butt in even if you don't want her there. If that's not possible tell the Dr and nursing staff. They'll make up a reason she can't be in there.

Dragonfly1226

wiscgirl95:

As far as the birth, I would get her to understand ASAP she has to wait at home until after he is born.  It's your day, your delivery and you and your DH get to decide how it will go down.  MIL stress is no fun.  Good luck.

I am so sorry that your MIL is such a PITA! I totally agree with wiscgirl on this one. The sooner you can lay down the law about the delivery room, the better. I'd tell her ASAP what your birth plans are (or have your dh do it).

Good luck, and let us know how it goes! 

ashonkwiler09

LTF525:

This may sound harsh, but i don't think you all should call her until after the baby has arrived. She sounds like the type who will butt in even if you don't want her there. If that's not possible tell the Dr and nursing staff. They'll make up a reason she can't be in there.

Not harsh at all! I was just talking to DH about this earlier.

Mrs.Kiltlifter

Times like these I am glad my in laws live 1600 miles away even though my MIL is not bad at all. With that said, make sure the hospital knows that she is not allowed in the room.  Let them do your dirty work for you.  Your job is birthing that beautiful baby!!