Maryland Babies

1st birthday-related IL vent

We're not having a big party for DD's first birthday.  Her actual birthday is on a Wednesday, so DH and I figure we'll just have a nicer than usual dinner for us and cupcakes, sing happy birthday, and just be together as a family. 

DH's parents and siblings live about 10 minutes away, and we figured we'd have them over for a "party," meaning dinner, cake, and presents, on the Saturday after the actual birthday.  We told MIL this on the phone today and she protested that FIL works on weekends.  We knew this and this fact always causes scheduling problems (DH's and both of his siblings' birthdays are also in November), but we work during the week, so a weekend is really the only option for us.  I'm not going to take a half day off work just to accommodate my FIL (even though he is DD's grandfather, and even though MIL does this for everyone's birthday) to prepare for a party on a weeknight just so he can be there.  Especially when he refuses to ask for for time off for anyone else (but does take off for his birthday and Father's Day every year).

We're totally fine having a party without FIL, but ILs want a party on a weeknight so he can be there.  He's pretty much the most selfish person I know and I have serious issues with this, so I realize my feelings are definitely influencing my reaction to this situation.  Should I just not worry about this and go ahead planning the party without him or should I try to accommodate FIL?  Any other options that I'm just not thinking of? 

Re: 1st birthday-related IL vent

  • Could you just have them over for dinner and cupcakes w/o having to take a half day from work and not have it be a real party- rather just them?

    My ILs travel a lot and they were out of town for DD's 2nd b-day, so we had them down the weekend before the real/big party and just did something simple w/ them.  However for me this works out better, because they stay w/ us, and I really couldn't deal w/ having them stay for the weekend and have to prep for a "real" party at the same time. 

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  • The "party" on the Saturday would be just them, since we don't have any friends with kids and my family lives far away (we'll be having a party with my whole extended family when we're at my parents' house for Thanksgiving).  I don't get home until 6:00 on a good day and already feel incredibly rushed to get everything done, and ILs are incredibly difficult to entertain, which is stressful.  I think to make a weekday happen, DH would need to do most of the work since he's home much earlier.  You know, this is probably the way to go.  I was just hoping to be able to take things at a slower pace and just enjoy the day, but it's probably the best compromise.
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  • Oh- I can't imagine trying to pull a party together when you get home @ 6...

    would your IL's object to having dinner out and then just doing cake & presents @ your house?  

    - I know the pain of having your ILs dictate when you have them over, it's irritating.

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  • Okay, I think I have something worked out in my head.  ILs are difficult to go out to dinner because, well... let's just say they don't do well in public.  I think I'll suggest that we just have them over for cake and presents.  DH can make dinner so we can eat relatively early and then we'll have them over at 7:00 or so.  That takes the pressure off of the meal and they'll only be around for an hour, two at the most.

     

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