I want a divorce from my OB - long
cg0112358
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On Monday one week before my due date I was just sitting at the computer when suddenly I felt what seemed like alot of fluid come out of me. I wasn't sure if my water had broken or if I had wet myself (it didn't feel like I went to the bathroom or anything). I had read about how hard it can be to tell the difference since we tend to have less control over our bladder as we get closer to our due date so I checked the internet to see if there was anyway to know for sure. The only thing I found was to smell it and see, since it didn't smell like urine I went to the hospital thinking that my water had broken. After being checked out they said that my water had not broken but they wanted to monitor me because I was having some problems with high blood pressure. Since it kept spiking and returning to normal they cath'd me to get a direct urine sample and the results came back that my urine had protein in it (2+ I was told) so they kept me overnight to do a 24-hour urine test. I did have high blood pressure at one of my previous visits but my doc said to let him worry about it (and he never mentioned if I had protein in my urine or not).
The next day my doc came to see me in the hospital and told me that he wanted to break my water to induce labor. His words were that I had been "flirting with pre-eclampsia" and that I should induce before I actually became pre-eclamptic. I agreed because I was already dilated to 4 cm and had been told that DS was positioned properly for delivery. That was when it all went downhill. After breaking my water my doc said that he felt a soft spot...now he wasn't so sure that DS was head down and thought he might be breech!!! They came and did the u/s and sure enough he was breech presentation. I asked him about doing an external version to correct his position because I was set on a vaginal delivery. Until my doctor told me it wasn't possible I wasn't aware that you couldn't change baby's position after you break the water. I was told that c/s was the safest option.
I am so pissed because if he had bothered with an u/s near the end of my pregnancy we would have known he was breech and might have had a chance to do something about it. It's his policy only to do u/s at 20 weeks to confirm gestational age and I didn't think to question him because I trusted that he was correct (I've been with him 6 years now). So now I'm pissed at him for his mistake and pissed at myself for trusting him and not requesting an u/s. I'm also quite upset about having missed out on labor (I never even progressed to active labor). I know that there is a chance the version wouldn't have worked I would still have had to have the section but at least then it would have been necessary. I had a really difficult recovery (including a post-op infection) from the section that left me in so much pain that I wondered if I would ever want to have kids again. It's still difficult for me to talk about or even think about but if we do have more kids I want to pursue a VBAC. I talked to a friend who shares the same OB (she loves him) and found out that both of her kids were sections. I'm beginning to wonder if he pushes c/s's, I've read that c/s they are less time-consuming and generate more revenue than vaginal births so many doctors will perform c/s more readily than they should. I know that I could have pushed to try vaginally anyway but was more concerned with DS coming out safely. I am quite small (only 5 ft tall and 120 lb) and my husband is 5'11 and 350 lbs.
I haven't talked to DH about this yet because I'm not sure he'd understand and I'm just too emotionally raw (although he does know something's wrong I just told him I didn't feel like talking about it yet). In the end I am thankful that my son is healthy but I feel cheated. I don't feel like I gave birth to him...he was never really born, he was ripped out of me in a procedure that might have been unnecessary if I'd had a different OB. I go in for my first PP check-up this afternoon and really want to ask how many times he's been wrong about position in his 20 years as an OB...
Thankfully I have found comfort in the fact that many women who have unplanned c-sections feel similarly...hopefully I'll be able to move past this in time.
Re: I want a divorce from my OB - long
I had an "unplanned" c/s when DS turned breech 5 days before my edd. My c/s was two days later. I feel like in the weeks and months after DS' birth, I had to allow myself to "grieve" the fact that I didn't have the delivery that I wanted.
I understand your feelings and honestly based on what you've said, the only thing that would bother me about your doctor is that he hadn't shared that you were flirting with pre-e. Trust me when I say that no one knows better than me that a baby can turn breech at the last minute. Mine was caught quickly because DS literlly flipped during my 39 week appointment. I have a friend who was induced for pre-e. Her DD was engaged and she was ready to push when her LO disengaged and turned transverse. It is not necessarily that your OB was wrong about the position.
Additionally, it is fairly standard practice to only receive an u/s around 20 weeks. If your pregnancy is progressing normally, there is no need for additional u/s. And again, a baby can turn at any time, so an u/s would only have detected his position if he had turned at that point. If you were dialated to 4cm it is likely that your LO had changed positioning after your last internal.
I'm not at all defending your OB, but just because your friend had 2 c/s and so did you, it does not mean that your OB is c/s happy. I would encourage you to discuss your c/s with your OB. Talk to him about VBAC and what his success rate with VBAC is. If you aren't comfortable with his answers then find a new OB.
I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. I had a scheduled c/s at 38 weeks 1 day with my first because he was breech (found out he was breech at 35 weeks). I never went into labor, never had a contraction, nothing. It broke my heart that I didn't give birth to me son. He was taken from my body without any warning and I will feel guilt about that for the rest of my life.
It was not until after my son was born that I started researching breech babies and babies turning late in pregnancy and c/s and whatnot. It was then that I realized how much my OB really didn't care about me. I feel like she didn't even give my son a chance to turn and when I asked her about putting my body into difference positions to try to turn him she told me not to even bother because it would never work and she said an external version was too risky (never told me the risks though--or the risks on a c/s for that matter).
Anyway, all that to say that I completley understand your feelings towards your OB and I think you are onto something. I think that OBs are trained surgeons and they like to do surgery. It is more fun, more exciting, better pay, and less hours. I will not go back to my old OB or see any other OB for another pregnancy because I am not looking for a surgical birth.
I went on to have a VBAC with a midwife in a hospital and the experience was completley different. I would VBAC over have a c/s any day of the week.
If I were you, I would look into a midwife or at least an OB with a VERY low c/s rate if you want to VBAC. Also, know that your feelings are completley normal. You might also want to go to ICAN-online.org and see if there is a local ICAN group you can talk to. Good luck!
I want to be careful in my response because I don't want my words to be misconstrued. I have very little knowledge about babies turning breech at the last minute, so cannot comment on that. What I will say is I simply cannot understand how women feel that delivering their baby by surgery is "cheating" them of a "real birth." My only child was a c-section and I never ever felt like I didn't really give birth. What I did feel was that I was enormously grateful that the technology was available to bring my child into the world safely. Both my baby and I were healthy, that was the ONLY thing that was important to me, and my husband.
I think this "cheated" attitude has suddenly popped up in the last 20-30 years. I cannot figure out what is driving this sad reaction to the miracle of birth - by whatever method. I utterly reject the notion that I didn't really give birth, or that I was cheated out of anything. I had a beautiful baby girl, recovered well, and enjoyed everything about being a mother.
You are not married to your doctor. If you want a different one, then change. And I would urge you to focus on the wonder and joy of your new baby, rather than feeling like you and your doctor failed at anything.
I can't believe your OB broke your water without being 100% sure of the baby's presentation! A u/s would've taken no time at all!
You have every right to be angry and I would be suspicious of his c/s rate as well.
Let yourself grieve and hang in there. There could always be a VBAC in the future
I don't want to start a debate or anything, but not every birth ends up with a healthy baby and a healthy mom. My son was not healthy at birth and I blame that on the c/s. He was not breathing and had holes in his heart because he was born too early and by c/s. I mean my OB told me that he probably wouldn't be breathing at birth and I don't know why that didn't send up a HUGE red flag to me, but it didn't.
I was not able to care for my son after birth becuase I couldn't get out of bed. I was allergic to the stuff they used to close my incision (turns out most people are, but its cheap so they use it anyway). I was in incredible pain and was doped up beyond belief. We didn't have a healthy baby or a healthy mom because of our birth experience. For us, I don't think a c/s was the safest choice, but it was the most convienent for my OB.
I think that if this "cheated" feeling has recently come about it is probably more that is has always been around, but back when the c/s rate was 7% we just didn't hear about it so much. Now that the c/s rate is 33% (up to 80% in some hospitals) its just more common so we hear about it more.
I don't think OP (or I in my response) were saying that anyone who has had a c/s was cheated out of giving birth or didn't give birth or anything like that. It is just how I feel for me. I am so happy that so many woman, like you, are happy with their c/s experience and had good outcomes for mom and baby. I think that is so important, especially until the c/s rate drops to something more reasonable, but I think it is unfair to ask the OP to focus on "the wonder and joy of your new baby, rather than feeling like you and your doctor failed at anything." Her feelings are valid and it just makes it harder when people shove them under the table.
I am so sorry you had to deal with this instead of relishing the experience of your L&D. I too had a c/s with DS almost 4 years ago and will NEVER go to another OB because I trusted him too much and ended up with a c/s that I later found out couold have been avoided. I too feel like I was "cheated" out of my birth but will never think that I didnt "deliver" him because he wasnt born vaginally, though I do understand how you feel. To this day, I cannot look at another hospital the same when it comes to obstetrics and I even changed my major in school because of the experience.
There is no reason your OB should have broken your water without at least doing something as simple as external palpations or an u/s. This time I am due in October and found a MW who I adore to pieces who I'll be doing a HBAC with. I really do hope you are able to get a VBAC if you decide to have another child and a better experience. I too would suggest you start researching VBACs and MW/OBs in your area and the ICAN website is a very good place to start. Good luck mama and congrats on your baby
I'm sorry to hear he jumped on a c-section; the midwife who delivered me has actually turned breech babies (though I believe only a few times and am told it's incredibly painful.).
I hope you're recovering and that your LO is doing well.
I couldn't agree with you more! It's great that you feel this way despite having a c/s. I'm a L&D nurse and though I myself have not made the mistake (yet, knock on wood) of misdiagnosing whether a baby is breech or vertex, I know plenty of very experienced nurses and doctors that have made that mistake. Sometimes it happens, and it's no one's fault. It is not routine to do bedside US unless there is some concern over the baby's position which is sometimes very hard to tell. External version is risky and could result in an emergency c/s versus a breech c/s which is more routine and less chaotic. In the end, mothers should be happy that they delivered a baby in a way that could have been less risky for them and their child. I completely understand that not all c/s babies and their mothers are 100% afterwards, but the same situations (and possibly worse) could have resulted if they ended up having a vaginal birth. You never know for sure. Every delivery and every child is different. I'm pregnant with my first and I will accept whatever needs to happen in my delivery. If a c/s is what I need, bring it on! I will do whatever I need to for my baby to be healthy.
By the way this was a reply to NanaDi. I'm new to this and I was trying to reply to her post!