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Judgemental Friend (Vent)

A quick back story first...I have known this friend for almost 20 years.  When we were in high school she was always trying to get me to go to church with her because she didn't think my church was holy enough. Then when I switched colleges she was mad at me because I didn't go to her Christian college.  When we finished college she stopped talking to me because she didn't think I was making good choices (I still haven't figured that one out because I was drinking or having sex).  I didn't talk to her for almost 7 years.  A couple of years ago I went to lunch with her and a few other friends.   When we started talking again I didn't tell her I was living with my husband (boyfriend at the time).  I just didn't want to hear her judgement.

Fast forward to now...I haven't seen her since I got married in May 09.  2 weeks after I got married I found out I was pregnant.   She was furious that I had sex before I got married.  I was 30 years old and didn't have sex until I was 28 (I think I waited long enough).  Now she keeps emailing me saying I need to apologize to her and God for having Kate before I got married.  First of all, I don't think I need to apologize to her. Second of all, I have my peace about conceiving Kate before I got married.  I can't imagine her not being in my life.  I am just irritated at my friend. I'm having a hard time not giving her a peace of my mind.

Re: Judgemental Friend (Vent)

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    I think you need to ask yourself the hard question:  Why are you friends with someone who doesn't agree with your life choices? 

    I'm sorry, anyone who demanded an apology to themselves and God would be laughed right out of my life.  I understand that there are people a lot more religious than me out there, but even if YOU are, she has no right to demand an apology from you about a decision you made that does not affect her at all!! 

    You can disagree with things a friend does; I certainly do. but if you feel so negatively about the way a friend lives their life, you probably shouldn't be friends.  To a certain extent, you need to have the same basic ideologies to be good friends. There has to be common ground and you guys don't seem to have any.  I have to wonder why she's friends with you! 

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    If I were u I would have given her a piece of my mind along time ago!!! I can't believe that she thinks its any of her business when u conceived your daughter. I wouldn't be able to have a friend like this, its 2010 she needs to get with the times.
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    imageKateIsabel:

    A quick back story first...I have known this friend for almost 20 years.  When we were in high school she was always trying to get me to go to church with her because she didn't think my church was holy enough. Then when I switched colleges she was mad at me because I didn't go to her Christian college.  When we finished college she stopped talking to me because she didn't think I was making good choices (I still haven't figured that one out because I was drinking or having sex).  I didn't talk to her for almost 7 years.  A couple of years ago I went to lunch with her and a few other friends.   When we started talking again I didn't tell her I was living with my husband (boyfriend at the time).  I just didn't want to hear her judgement.

    Fast forward to now...I haven't seen her since I got married in May 09.  2 weeks after I got married I found out I was pregnant.   She was furious that I had sex before I got married.  I was 30 years old and didn't have sex until I was 28 (I think I waited long enough).  Now she keeps emailing me saying I need to apologize to her and God for having Kate before I got married.  First of all, I don't think I need to apologize to her. Second of all, I have my peace about conceiving Kate before I got married.  I can't imagine her not being in my life.  I am just irritated at my friend. I'm having a hard time not giving her a peace of my mind.

    Seems to me like it's about time you give her a piece of your mind.

    Wow. Tongue Tied I don't think I could have held my tongue for this long. You have to make your own peace with God - not with her. I was 20 weeks pregnant at my wedding and even **gasp** took communion!!  I say tell her what's in your heart and ask her to lose your email address

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    Obviously I don't know what your overall relationship with this person is like, but she doesn't sound like much of a friend.  Regardless of how long you have known her, I think I would choose to phase her out of my life.  I hope you don't feel like you should apologize to her, we all make our own choices based on our personal feelings and beliefs, and you have done nothing wrong!  I'm sorry she's made you feel so frustrated and attacked.
    I don't know what's up with my siggy and I am too lazy to figure it out.
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    I had a friend very similar like that.  She did not speak to me for years because I was not living the appropriate life style.  8 years later- she went crazy and wound up with a serious STD.  Oh and she's never been married, so go figure.

     IMO - you don't need someone judging your every move.  GL!

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    imageShell24:

    I think you need to ask yourself the hard question:  Why are you friends with someone who doesn't agree with your life choices? 

    I'm sorry, anyone who demanded an apology to themselves and God would be laughed right out of my life.  I understand that there are people a lot more religious than me out there, but even if YOU are, she has no right to demand an apology from you about a decision you made that does not affect her at all!! 

    You can disagree with things a friend does; I certainly do. but if you feel so negatively about the way a friend lives their life, you probably shouldn't be friends.  To a certain extent, you need to have the same basic ideologies to be good friends. There has to be common ground and you guys don't seem to have any.  I have to wonder why she's friends with you! 

    I had a very hard time letting her back in my life because of the things you mentioned.  I think she is friends with me because she thinks I need saving.  I believe in God, pray, go to church and read the Bible so I'm not sure what I need to be saved from.  I highly doubt I will ever see her again.

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    At some point we all grow up and decide who we want in our lives and who we don't want in our lives. Next time she emails you asking for an apology for something you don't owe her, email back 'judge not for...'
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    You should send her an email, and let her know that her judging you is also against God.  Then tell her that she is no longer your friends because a friend doesn't treat another friend the way she is treating you.

    I had a friend like this, and I stopped being her friend right away. Every few months I will get a friend request and I decline. I know that she would judge me and I don't need anyone posting on my page.

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    imageKateIsabel:
    imageShell24:

    I think you need to ask yourself the hard question:  Why are you friends with someone who doesn't agree with your life choices? 

    I'm sorry, anyone who demanded an apology to themselves and God would be laughed right out of my life.  I understand that there are people a lot more religious than me out there, but even if YOU are, she has no right to demand an apology from you about a decision you made that does not affect her at all!! 

    You can disagree with things a friend does; I certainly do. but if you feel so negatively about the way a friend lives their life, you probably shouldn't be friends.  To a certain extent, you need to have the same basic ideologies to be good friends. There has to be common ground and you guys don't seem to have any.  I have to wonder why she's friends with you! 

    I had a very hard time letting her back in my life because of the things you mentioned.  I think she is friends with me because she thinks I need saving.  I believe in God, pray, go to church and read the Bible so I'm not sure what I need to be saved from.  I highly doubt I will ever see her again.

    Even if you didn't do those things you don't need to be saved.  I'm sorry she's treating you this way, but the upside is that you get to choose not to see her/be around her anymore  :)

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    When I have a situation like that with a judgmental friend who claims to be speaking for the Lord, I simply refer them back to Him:

    Romans 3:23 (NIV): "For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

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    This "friend" is certainly entitled to her beliefs, and she can think what you did was wrong.  Whatevs.  But the idea that you owe HER some kind of apology for something that is absolutely none of her business is not only absurd, but extremely offensive.  Who does she think she is?

    I couldn't be friends with someone like this.  

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    She is toxic to the extreme and hiding it behind a cloak of "Christianity". And I put that in quotations because that is NOT the kind of behavior that I think God would want! Your life is NONE of her business. And why the heck would you need to apologize to HER for anything?

    I would not be friends with someone like that. No way.

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    i wouldn't even be talking to that girl. she's not bringing anything positive to your life.
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    For someone supposedly Christian, she isn't exhibiting very Christian-like behaviour. Tell her it's none of her business...seriously!
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    You don't owe her an apology. You didn't do anything to her. Your life is your life, and she doesn't need to approve of any choices that you make with it (even if you WERE doing horrible things, which it does not sound like you were). I think if you that seriously believe in God, you need to believe that he's the only one who can judge anyone. Judging you and claiming you need to apologize to her makes her a whole lot less "holy" IMO than you are for having sex with your fiance' before your wedding day.
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