New to Board - Thinking of Adopting

MelissaPA

Hello,

I'm new to the board.  I'm 31 and DH is 28.  We have been married for a year this September.  We have been sorta TTC without any luck.  My DH has health issues and there is a good chance he is infertile.  He hasn't gotten tested yet to confirm this.  We have been trying to explore our options because we both really want children.  He has had it in his head for years that he would have to adopt.  I'm definitely open to the idea, but it also makes me very nervous.  I worry that it will be hard to adopt and very expensive.  I'm the oldest of 5 children.  My 2 youngest siblings are adopted (from unique circumstances) and I am very aware of how adoption can give a child an different life than they would have had otherwise.  I see how great their lives are because they are a part of our family and often wonder where they would be if my parents hadn't stepped in.  So I can definitely see the benefits of adoption. 

I would love to hear any of your stories and experiences. 

Dr.Loretta

Welcome.

I can't tell you what to do as far as your fertility is concerned, only that IMO knowledge is power, and once we got all of our testing done we were given a much more clear path to follow.

Your fears are pretty common in the world of adoption. I guess it depends on your definition of "hard to adopt" and "very expensive". In our situation, it wasn't that hard. We submitted the application, filled out the paperwork, completed the homestudy and profile, and waited. Fortunately for us, the wait was very short and we've now had our daughter for almost 6 months. While we joke that we would have to win the lottery to adopt again through our agency, there are a host of options for adoption (some nearly free, some extraordinarily expensive, and everything in between) and a host of financing options.

I would encourage you to explore all of your options and choose what works best for your family. Maybe it will be adoption, maybe it will be fertility treatments, maybe it won't be as hard to conceive as you thought once you go down that path. Whatever you choose, I wish you the best of luck.

We went through 3 years of off-and-on fertility treatments, and 3 miscarriages, 2 of those pregnancies without any medical intervention. I didn't want to do IUI or IVF, and my DH was on board with whatever I decided, since the problem seemed to be with my reproductive system, so I would be going through more testing and procedures. At a certain point we started focusing more and more on adoption as the option we wanted to build our family. It took DH longer to be fully on board with it than me. It's pretty common for one spouse to be behind the other when it comes to a major decision like this. Once he talked to some agencies and got a better idea of the process (he was scared silly of the homestudy), he was on board and we got the ball rolling. We started our homestudy in June 09, finished in October 09, finished our profile in December 09, and were placed with our daughter in March 10. She was an emergency placement (she was already born and needed to be placed immediately), so met her and her birthfamily when she was a day old and took her home when she was 2 days old. We're in a semi-open adoption agreement with her birthmom, and have seen her once since the adoption. You can read some occasional details in my blog (in my siggie) if you're interested.

hway24

Welcome to the board! I wish you luck in making this decision.

We TTC for 2 years, we quickly found out that I have infertility issues. We tried fertility meds for a while and got to the point where the dr said our best option would be IVF. We looked into it, and at the point we started looking into adoption too. They're both very expensive, especially if your insurance doesn't cover infertility treatments, which ours didn't. The best thing about adoption is that we will get a baby, we just don't know when. With IVF and other infertility treatments there is no guarantee.

If you're interested in TTC it wouldn't hurt to go get tests done. Atleast then you would know all the facts and it may help you in making a decision. Some sperm problems can be fixed relatively easy with vitamins. And there are lots of options out there.

IMO, infertility treatments and adoption are both very hard, and expensive. You just have to figure out what's best for you and your family. I'd suggest getting as much information as you can about both, and then make a decision. The most common adoption books recommended on here are Adoption for Dummies and The Idiot's Guide to Adoption. Either of these will give you the basics about the different types of adoptions.

MelissaPA

Thanks, to both of you, for welcoming me and for the information. I really appreciate it.  It's great to hear stories about adoption.  It makes it way less scary of an option.  I'm hoping we will go get the testing done soon.  He has just pretty much has his mind made up that he is infertile and I don't think he really wants to have a dr confirm it.  I just know that whatever road we take it seems that it will take a lot longer than if we didn't have TTC issues.  So I want to get started.  He's a little more reluctant.  Thanks, again!! 

GulfCoaster

MelissaPA:

He has just pretty much has his mind made up that he is infertile and I don't think he really wants to have a dr confirm it. 

I can understand not wanting to have a doctor confirm IF-- it's a scary thing.  For quite a while, I felt the same way.  But maybe he could look at it this way... the worst thing the doctor could tell him is what he already assumes to be true, but the news could be better than he expects, and isn't it best to know for sure?

 As a PP said, the usual advice to newbies here is to start with a basic book on adoption that outlines all the options.  Adoption for Dummies comes highly recommended, and I also liked You Can Adopt: An Adoptive Families Guide (by the staff of Adoptive Families magazine -- although it, like the magazine sometimes, seems to focus more on international adoption). 

Welcome to the board!