3rd Trimester

Are they rude, or am I?

I have registered for alot since this is my first child. From high chair to bathtub and a stroller and car seat in between.

I have a large family and since my shower invitations went out at the beginning of the week (which I didn't know) they have all been calling me telling me;

1 - I don't need to register for such and such

2 - I have that already I'll just give it to you

 

I am thankful for anything and everything that I receive, but is it really that wrong that I would like a new stroller/car seat/high chair/anything really) for my son?

I feel like by not accepting them and removing them from my registry that I'm being rude.

Re: Are they rude, or am I?

  • i say you are entitled to want whatever you want for you baby
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  • I agree with pp.

    Also wanting things new isn't just about them being "new" it's about safety too. The safety standards are constantly changing and some older items are not classified as safe anymore.

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  • That's so annoying. I'd probably say thanks for the offer, but that you would really prefer to get new things since you plan to use it for more than one kid. Either that or don't say anything and just leave the stuff on there. Some people.
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  • I know exactly how you feel. I got lectured that I don't need a $120 swing that I have on my registry, and that it's ok to get items from a second hand store.

    Sure I know I don't NEED a $120 swing but if a couple of people want to go in together, I sure would appreciate it. And if I want it, I can and will buy it myself regardless of where it comes from.

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  • imageAussie*Bride:

    I agree with pp.

    Also wanting things new isn't just about them being "new" it's about safety too. The safety standards are constantly changing and some older items are not classified as safe anymore.

    I just found out that car seats have expiration dates!

  • You know they're just trying to offload their own shiit, right?  Stick to what you want.
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  • imageMrs.Johns:
    That's so annoying. I'd probably say thanks for the offer, but that you would really prefer to get new things since you plan to use it for more than one kid. Either that or don't say anything and just leave the stuff on there. Some people.

    My Aunt just called me and was like "I have the same exact stroller that's on your registry that I bought when we went to Disney (two years ago) and it's barely used, just take yours off and take the one I have"

    I told her that I registered for the travel system and I don't think that I can get the car seat and the base separate from the set and I would really like the complete set.

     

    Her response "I'll look into in and when I find it you can take it off your registry"

     

    Thanks Tongue Tied

  • imagelilmgirl:
    You know they're just trying to offload their own shiit, right?  Stick to what you want.

    EXACTLY. They just feel bad getting rid of it so they save it for some poor unsuspecting pregnant person. I swear this was the reason all my cousins were pressuring me to get pregnant.

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  • imageMonkey304:

    imageMrs.Johns:
    That's so annoying. I'd probably say thanks for the offer, but that you would really prefer to get new things since you plan to use it for more than one kid. Either that or don't say anything and just leave the stuff on there. Some people.

    My Aunt just called me and was like "I have the same exact stroller that's on your registry that I bought when we went to Disney (two years ago) and it's barely used, just take yours off and take the one I have"

    I told her that I registered for the travel system and I don't think that I can get the car seat and the base separate from the set and I would really like the complete set.

     

    Her response "I'll look into in and when I find it you can take it off your registry"

     

    Thanks Tongue Tied

    Just leave it on there anyway. Pushy!!

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  • imageToots_pop:
    imageAussie*Bride:

    I agree with pp.

    Also wanting things new isn't just about them being "new" it's about safety too. The safety standards are constantly changing and some older items are not classified as safe anymore.

    I just found out that car seats have expiration dates!

    They sure do. It's to do with the plastic getting brittle over time making them less safe. SO's parents thought it would be ok to garage sale a car seat...NO, it's not. Luckily, my parents are on the same page with me about buying new, God love em.

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  • You all made me feel SO much better.

     

    I was sitting here thinking that I am acting like a spoiled brat.

     THANK YOU!

     

    And who calls the pregnant chick and tells them that their registry sucks??..... such nice family I have.

  • imageMonkey304:

    You all made me feel SO much better.

     

    I was sitting here thinking that I am acting like a spoiled brat.

     THANK YOU!

     

    And who calls the pregnant chick and tells them that their registry sucks??..... such nice family I have.

    If it happens again, I'd tell them I put a lot of thought into what I had picked and that I am leaving it the way it is. Better to start putting your foot down now especially since they are the ones contacting you. It's not like you are bringing it up.

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  • My BFF who is doing my shower got really mad about the stroller/car seat I put on my registry she said it was rude. For that I basically did it so that I could get the discount at the end not so someone could actually by it for me. BONUS if they did! But she went so far out of her way as to email me multiple strollers that were "just as nice" and WAYYYY less expensive! Uhm thanks? You would have thought I registered for something redic, all it is, is a Graco set! Yes its more expensive because it doesnt come as a travel system, BUT OH WELL!
  • When I got pregnant I lost my "balls".

    She called when I was in the middle of something at work, so I'm gonna call her back and I'm going to completely pretend that I cam up with exactly what you wrote LOL

     

    Thanks Mrs.J!

  • Not that big of a deal... say "Thanks for the advice, I'll keep that in mind" and then feel free to ignore them and do what you want, and accept their hand-me-downs and either use it or donate to Goodwill. If anyone questions why something is still on your registry, tell them you haven't updated it. It's easy to accept and then deflect unwanted "help" as long as you don't let yourself become annoyed.

    Now if you're concerned that they won't be buying you the stuff on your registry, then yes, that's rude. Registries are suggestions for them, not an order they have to fulfill.

     

     

  • They are definitely being rude. Its one thing for them to offer to give you something but its another to tell you that you have to/should take it instead of getting something new.

    My husband and I are planning a semi-large family and personally, I'd rather have nice, new, quality things that will last from one kid to the next. Friends/family have offered to give us a couple of things (highchairs, bouncer etc) but we kept them on our registry anyway (and told them that we would). All of it ended up being purchased, so they told us to keep the other things as backups (Grandma's house or travel) or to pass them on to someone else. I say, just be honest and tell them you appreciate the offer but will keep the items on your registry in case someone would like to buy them. Don't let anyone make you feel greedy about wanting new things for your baby!

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  • imageLILBIT1221:
    My BFF who is doing my shower got really mad about the stroller/car seat I put on my registry she said it was rude. For that I basically did it so that I could get the discount at the end not so someone could actually by it for me. BONUS if they did! But she went so far out of her way as to email me multiple strollers that were "just as nice" and WAYYYY less expensive! Uhm thanks? You would have thought I registered for something redic, all it is, is a Graco set! Yes its more expensive because it doesnt come as a travel system, BUT OH WELL!

     

    This is exactly my reasoning. I don't expect people to buy me everything on my registry. I don't even expect half.

    I have things on there so I can take advantage of the discount after the fact.

    Do I want someone to buy me the extra car seat base? No, it's on there for the discount.

     

    Your friend sounds like she could be in my family Embarrassed

  • imageMonkey304:

    You all made me feel SO much better.

     

    I was sitting here thinking that I am acting like a spoiled brat.

     THANK YOU!

    And who calls the pregnant chick and tells them that their registry sucks??..... such nice family I have.

    At least your people LOOK at the registry... I know its just a guideline, but still... They didn't even look at it.

    With DD1, my MIL told me I needed to print off copies of the registry, so she could distribute it amongst her family since they didn't use the internet and wouldn't want to go looking for it- half of these people were my Facebook friends.  Load of bull. They all gave me used stuff anyway- the only new thing I got at that baby shower (the one she threw) was the crib my sorority sisters bought.

  • imageMonkey304:

    imageLILBIT1221:
    My BFF who is doing my shower got really mad about the stroller/car seat I put on my registry she said it was rude. For that I basically did it so that I could get the discount at the end not so someone could actually by it for me. BONUS if they did! But she went so far out of her way as to email me multiple strollers that were "just as nice" and WAYYYY less expensive! Uhm thanks? You would have thought I registered for something redic, all it is, is a Graco set! Yes its more expensive because it doesnt come as a travel system, BUT OH WELL!

     

    This is exactly my reasoning. I don't expect people to buy me everything on my registry. I don't even expect half.

    I have things on there so I can take advantage of the discount after the fact.

    Do I want someone to buy me the extra car seat base? No, it's on there for the discount.

     

    Your friend sounds like she could be in my family Embarrassed

    the TW in me hopes she gets pregnant so that I can do it back to her ha-ha so bad!

  • imagemamafoxX2:
    imageMonkey304:

    You all made me feel SO much better.

     

    I was sitting here thinking that I am acting like a spoiled brat.

     THANK YOU!

    And who calls the pregnant chick and tells them that their registry sucks??..... such nice family I have.

    At least your people LOOK at the registry... I know its just a guideline, but still... They didn't even look at it.

    With DD1, my MIL told me I needed to print off copies of the registry, so she could distribute it amongst her family since they didn't use the internet and wouldn't want to go looking for it- half of these people were my Facebook friends.  Load of bull. They all gave me used stuff anyway- the only new thing I got at that baby shower (the one she threw) was the crib my sorority sisters bought.

    I honestly don't even care if they look at it, buy me whatever, or don't buy me anything, but don't tell me that I don't need this and that and to take things off.

     

    Print copies?? Wow. I swear sometimes people just like to be difficult because they can.

  • I went through something similar. I registered for a bassinette but was lectured that I could use the family heirloom one that is 35+ years old (my cousins and I all slept in it). I felt guilty saying no to them so I picked it up and while the cradle itself is beautiful the mattress in it screams "SIDS" to me.

    I know from registry stalking (Embarrassed) that someone bought us our pack-n-play with newborn attachment. So I'm going to set up the bassinette to make people in my family happy when they come over for my shower, but we'll just use the pnp. ;)

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  • imageLILBIT1221:
    imageMonkey304:

    imageLILBIT1221:
    My BFF who is doing my shower got really mad about the stroller/car seat I put on my registry she said it was rude. For that I basically did it so that I could get the discount at the end not so someone could actually by it for me. BONUS if they did! But she went so far out of her way as to email me multiple strollers that were "just as nice" and WAYYYY less expensive! Uhm thanks? You would have thought I registered for something redic, all it is, is a Graco set! Yes its more expensive because it doesnt come as a travel system, BUT OH WELL!

     

    This is exactly my reasoning. I don't expect people to buy me everything on my registry. I don't even expect half.

    I have things on there so I can take advantage of the discount after the fact.

    Do I want someone to buy me the extra car seat base? No, it's on there for the discount.

     

    Your friend sounds like she could be in my family Embarrassed

    the TW in me hopes she gets pregnant so that I can do it back to her ha-ha so bad!

    I would wish the same for my Aunt, but she has 3 already and her husband got snipped.

  • imageMcJen715:

    I went through something similar. I registered for a bassinette but was lectured that I could use the family heirloom one that is 35+ years old (my cousins and I all slept in it). I felt guilty saying no to them so I picked it up and while the cradle itself is beautiful the mattress in it screams "SIDS" to me.

    I know from registry stalking (Embarrassed) that someone bought us our pack-n-play with newborn attachment. So I'm going to set up the bassinette to make people in my family happy when they come over for my shower, but we'll just use the pnp. ;)

    Yes

    This is the gracious, mature way to handle the situation. No use in being upset and potentially harming a relationship with people who are  only trying to help.

  • I know how much work it is to research reviews on baby gear and decide what works best for you and your lifestyle. I don't think anyone should expect you to accept second-hand stuff unless it's exactly the same as what you registered for.

    Advice on what to register for can also be helpful, but, again, you're the one that gets to make the decision about what gear works best for you. What someone else might have found useless might be your life-saver!

    I would tell them that your registry stays as it is and that you don't want to inherit second-hand gear from everyone. 


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  • imageLILBIT1221:
    imageMonkey304:

    imageLILBIT1221:
    My BFF who is doing my shower got really mad about the stroller/car seat I put on my registry she said it was rude. For that I basically did it so that I could get the discount at the end not so someone could actually by it for me. BONUS if they did! But she went so far out of her way as to email me multiple strollers that were "just as nice" and WAYYYY less expensive! Uhm thanks? You would have thought I registered for something redic, all it is, is a Graco set! Yes its more expensive because it doesnt come as a travel system, BUT OH WELL!

     

    This is exactly my reasoning. I don't expect people to buy me everything on my registry. I don't even expect half.

    I have things on there so I can take advantage of the discount after the fact.

    Do I want someone to buy me the extra car seat base? No, it's on there for the discount.

     

    Your friend sounds like she could be in my family Embarrassed

    the TW in me hopes she gets pregnant so that I can do it back to her ha-ha so bad!

    Guess I am a big 'ole TW too...because I was thinking the same thing for her.  Your BFF is a DB. 

    Please don't change anything on your registry, OP - if people give you their old "crap" (and I agree with the PP who said they are just trying to unload it one you,) tell them you already got it and go out and buy the new one with your discount.

  • Do you know for sure that the carseat can't be purchased separately? Honestly, I think it was nice for her to offer the stroller, considering it's the exact same one.
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  • They're rude not you! Leave your registry as you want it. I have a woman at work giving me stuff that I won't need or want so I'm taking it gratefully and then bringing it to the Salvation Army.
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  • Honestly, I don't think they're being rude, per se...I would just say thank you for their offers and let them know that this was a list to help you keep track of the things you felt you would need to buy. And that if you receive the same or a similar item as a gift, you could take it off the list. No need to adjust the list before you've received the item though, then if they change your mind you'd be out of luck.
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